Hi Journal & Friends,
If you don't like hearing stuff about faith or God, I won't be offended if you skip this post. :-) But it's time I gave myself a good old-fashioned "talkin' to".
The other day Jim came home from church and told me the sale was final on our church building, and we (the church) have signed the lease on a new place.
Both out of joy, and out of sadness.
You see, he also showed me a paper with a sketch of the layout of the new meeting place. It has handicapped bathrooms. Real ones... with it's own special room, big enough to take a walker or wheelchair into the room.
I cried because I haven't been able to go to church with Jim in about a year and a half. It became too much for me to leave my powerchair outside in the hallway, and walk into the cramped old bathroom, with the low toilet and not enough handrails to lean on in order to get up and down.
Can you imagine the embarrassment, the shame, the regret, when asked why I haven't been coming??
How do I explain it to someone who has never fought a losing battle for years?
How do I tell them the pain... emotional and physical?
How do I talk of the sadness of letting time slip away... and feeling left behind?
How do I tell them that I've been here, feeling alone, watching life go on without me?
And all because I was too fat. Too fat to walk. Too fat to stand. Too fat to use the bathroom facilities. Too fat to go to church.
So I won't. I won't try to explain, to justify, to make excuses.
I will just live my new, healthy life, and keep on getting stronger and smaller. I will keep on learning to love myself, to cheer myself on, to remember that even though I could not go to the church, God still knew my address. And He never forgot me, and "we" had church here.
He understood the battle.
He loved me when I could not go.
He encouraged me when I got discouraged.
He was my Rock, my stability when I doubted.
He never gave up on me, even when I felt like "what's the use".
He is my strength for the journey.
He even talked me into writing a daily blog where I met wonderful new friends.
For all that, I am so very grateful.
So I say to anyone with an ear to hear: please don't wait.
Don't wait til you get so big that you can no longer participate in life.
Don't wait til you have no more choice, but are forced to wait it out on the sidelines, looking forward to the day when you are once again strong enough and small enough to get out there.
We like to talk about living our best life now... yes. True. But... some things need a BODY to be able to move, to go, to do. A strong enough body. A small enough body.
Don't wait. Don't mess around with half-hearted attempts like I did for too many years, and then wonder why you aren't making progress.
Don't wait to get consistent.
Don't wait to make this a number ONE priority.
And don't wait until you think you have it all figured out to start, or think you must do it perfect. Believe me, I make a lot of mistakes along the way... I am still learning. I am having to really concentrate again on Consistency. It is too easy to let it slip! Obviously it's not ingrained in me yet, and I need to work on it.
If you wait and get as big as I did... I promise you, you won't like it.
Love yourself, and DO IT NOW.
From Dr Phil's book: "Your thoughts powerfully program you."
My verse for today: "Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever."
My quote for today: "Consistency is the key. Consistent effort equals consistent results." --Sean Anderson, A Daily Diary of a Winning Loser
Enjoy the Journey,