Hello Journal,
You see, in real life, when I was 460 lbs, I was the biggest person I knew. And even now, at 383, I am still the biggest person I personally know. My doctor admitted to me that I was his biggest patient...no wonder he doesn't invest in a scale that goes higher than 350...he didn't need it for anyone else. I had to buy a specialty scale from Ample Stuff (here).
It does something to you to always be the largest...to feel abnormal, like you don't fit. So it was a blessing a while ago to have met others online with more than 200 lbs to lose also, and we became a small group, traveling this road together. I didn't feel so alone. Losing weight can have challenges at any weight, but those that have a very long journey can have unique challenges. Think not?? For example, exercise ...When I first started at 460 lbs, I was exercising horizontally, laying on my bed!
But more importantly, the MENTAL aspect is unique. I mean, our road trip is going to be a LONG one! Our journey can seem to go on forever, and if we aren't careful we can get discouraged and give up. We need people who are going to be around for the long haul.
The strength of our addiction to food can be a challenge. It takes a lot of determination, commitment, consistency, and perseverance to re-program our thinking. It might take falling down a few times and getting up more times than we fall to get it...to really break free and choose to change our life. To choose life!
I have been reading old posts by Sean, and last night I read Day 24, back in Oct 8th of 2008 (here). In it he explains why he approaches his calorie limit with such strictness. He knows himself and how he could rationalize a bad choice. Planning ahead for a special occasion is one thing, but he didn't want to make room for last minute decisions when facing temptations. So he set a caloric cut-off.
Here is the part that made me think and examine my own level of commitment ...he wrote:
"My level of strictness is equal to my desire to be successful on this mission. I want it and I want it bad, and I know myself better than anyone, I know that if I give myself an inch, I'll eat the whole thing. I feel like this is training for a healthier lifestyle. I'm training myself to understand food better, to discover flavors, to understand proper portion amounts, to really better understand exercise and nutrition benefits, I'm in training for a healthier, longer, more satisfying life. And I have to do it on the straight and narrow."
I have to ask myself if I am giving myself too much slack, or am I where I should be for now. And if I get touchy at the question...then that just tells me I have touched a nerve, and there might be something to dig deeper into.
How strong is my desire to be successful on this mission?
Am I willing to do whatever it takes? Whatever??
Am I being honest with myself?
Is there anything in my plan that needs fine-tuning?
Are there aspects of my life that I am avoiding addressing, or stalling on changing?
I have to admit, I answered yes to those last two. It has to do with time management, and getting enough sleep consistently. This is not a new issue for me, and I even have a "plan". But I have not made it a priority, and allowed excuses to pre-empt "the plan".
This was not what I had intended on writing today. But I am tired. I am on my second cup of coffee...and I NEVER have more than one...usually. Spellcheck can't even keep up with me today...obviously I need to apply the No Excuses Mentality to THIS problem.
Sleep really is important to a healthy lifestyle...thanks Sean, for the reminders.
From Dr Phil's book: "...evaluate each and every option in your life against the priorities of your goals."
My verse for today: "...when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."
My quote for today: "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
Enjoy the Journey,
Loretta
=^..^=
3 comments:
Thank you so kindly Loretta!
That Day 24 post was very important to my development, and it thrills me that you too found something there that touched a nerve. It's too easy to rationalize bad choices... "well, just one couldn't hurt..." or "I know it'll put me over my calories, but I've done so good I deserve it!" or "It's a special occasion---I'm right back on plan tomorrow!!"
These type of rationalizations make us feel great about bad choices... if not great, they make us feel better about them. But these type of choices is exactly what would lead to my demise so many times before. This time had to be different. How many chances can a 500 pound person get? This time had to be different. No excuses--no "make me feel better" rationalizations. And if you combine that with the attitude that "nothing is off limits," then you realize that no craving can do you in. If you can't "afford" it today, then work it in tomorrow...just never, ever go over.
It was training---and still is...even after losing the first 200---I'm still in training and calorie counting continues to show me how to be a responsible eater. When I say responsible I'm talking about portions. I eat whatever I like. I simplify. I don't worry about carbs-protiens-fat grams---none of that stuff. Just calories and responsible portions. And look at what it's done.
I'm so happy that you're on this road too. you're so on your way!!! You've got to feel incredible about that!!
it's a pleasure to follow you---i love your blog!
My best always
Sean
That nerve that was touched? That was the fear of not being able to enjoy what you want in the portions we want. I recognize it from all of my past failed attempts.
It's an irrational fear. Just wait till you get to the day the last all of the food I've enjoyed along this road. It'll blow your mind. This isn't dieting Loretta---it's living! I swear i must make it sound easy--but seriously--when we adjust our approach and attitude---It becomes easy. Really easy.
Defend your journey Loretta. don't let anything steal it away from you.
My best always
Sean
Hi Sean,
I appreciate being able to go back and learn so much from someone who has been ahead of me on this road. And your kind comments and encouragement mean a lot. Thank you so much, Loretta
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