Day 290 Happy Feet

Hello Journal & Friends,

A few weeks ago, I messed up my hours again... like today.

A few weeks ago, I felt blah... like today.

A few weeks ago, I lost my sense of humor... like today.

But then... today I remembered that a few weeks ago I FOUND my sense of humor again... in my FEET.

I had a conversation  with my Feet. And I took photos of my Feet.

I haven't always liked or appreciated my Feet. I was born with hip dysplasia, wore a brace for about 3 years, then corrective orthopedic shoes all through grade school.

Now, little girls do NOT like wearing clunky orthopedic shoes, while everyone else wore adorable girly-girl shoes. I was embarrassed, ashamed, felt different and ugly.

In spite of the braces and corrective shoes, my feet still both pointed slightly off center to the right, and I tripped over my own feet occasionally. 

At the beginning of 6th grade when we went shopping for school clothes, I had HAD it. I threw a fit.. I refused to wear those ugly shoes... I'd rather go bare foot!! Bless my Mom, she gave in and let me get "normal" shoes.

I was a kid then, and I didn't know about gratitude and thankfulness. I didn't know there were kids in the world that not only had no shoes, but no feet. I just knew I felt horribly different.

But a few weeks ago, sitting on the edge of my bed and feeling blue, I looked down...

...and I had a conversation with my Feet.

I thought of all the years they had carried all this extra weight, of all their hard work. And I thanked them.

I thanked them for being dependable and sturdy. They might not be the prettiest feet around, but they have served me well, and I was grateful. And my mood changed, and I no longer felt blue. I felt happy. Like today.

From Dr Phil's book: "Choose the right attitude and the right behavior to generate the right results."

My verse for today: "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."

My quote for today: "Rule your mind or it will rule you." --Horace

DAY 289 Juggling the Balls & Determination

Hi Journal & Friends,

There are so many things that I am trying to learn on this journey. From the beginning I decided to NOT try to take them on all at once. Rather, one or two at a time, then add as I go.

When I take too many on at once, I don't seem to do well at anything. Then I feel as though I am juggling too many balls in the air, and end up dropping them all.

For the last 14 months, I've been getting used to life without sugar or flour. I also worked on learning portion control, and eventually found that--for me--the best method was simple calorie counting.

I have FINALLY reigned in the portions. No, I haven't done it "intuitively", but by the artificial method of tracking calories. But for me, it worked. It's a place to start.

But... this method has it's downside, too. Yes, it's helped me reign in portions, something I've tried to do for YEARS. I didn't succeed until I was willing to set a calorie cap and abide by it. But I still haven't mastered other areas.

Here are some of the things I still want to improve, that have to do with my eating plan:

1. More veggies and fruits

2. More water

3. Less processed stuff

4. Less Splenda

5. Less treats

6. Calories more evenly spaced thru the day

I finally feel ready to throw a couple of more "balls" in the air. There is the Ideal, then there is Reality. My reality is, if I'm honest with myself, that I still have a lot that needs improving!

The last one on that list, #6,  is a biggee for me. Several times I have ended up with barely any calories left for the evening, and it totally messed with my head. It's not the physical hunger. I've fasted for days in the past... I can survive that just fine. 

It's the mental/emotional havoc it wreaks. All my life, overeating at night has been my Achilles heel. It's something that ruined my progress every single time on previous attempts. The only way I have been able to stay within my calorie budget this time was to make sure I allowed enough calories to cover the evening meal plus a snack later. But to do that causes the daytime allotment to be mighty scimpy.

It's a catch 22 for me. And I'll admit, it kinda scares me. I don't want to put myself in a position again that might push me over the edge in the evening and open the door to nighttime bingeing. Yet, I need to get my calories more balanced throughout the day.

This is a learning process. And I still have a lot to learn! I'm ready to add

a couple more balls in the air, but right now the "Calories more evenly spaced thru the day" ball feels as heavy as a bowling ball! I guess it will have to wait til I make more progress on this journey. 

The first 5 items on my list don't seem so daunting compared to that last one! Those, I am consciously working on. When I feel more stable and ready, I'll tackle number six. 

I'll get there eventually. I'm not obsessing or stressing over it... but I am determined to make it.

From Dr Phil's book: "Your food plan sustains your commitment in the absence of emotional energy."

My verse for today: "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love."

My quote for today: "The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." --Chinese proverb

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 288 Guinea Pigs & Test Pilots

Hello Journal & Friends,

I remember once seeing a comic strip where a wife was serving her husband a new dish for dinner. She told him: "Don't think of yourself as a guinea pig... think of yourself as a Test Pilot!"

(Chuck Yeager, 1950's)

This week I've been experimenting with my calorie budget... I've been a Test Pilot. :-)  

I've paid attention to what works for others, and done some reading on metabolism. Apparently, switching it up instead of doing the exact same thing each day is supposed to have a benefit, similar to switching up an exercise routine. 

I'm not convinced yet, but decided to give it a try. Why? Because, like I mentioned yesterday, I've been taking a good look at myself. And had to admit that I really was fighting my 1500 calorie daily budget. I want something that is doable for life, and either I had to change and conform to IT, or IT had to change and conform to my life.

So, I am a Test Pilot for awhile. I am doing one day at 1300, one day at 1900, and the other 5 days at 1600. This all averages out to yield a weekly loss for me of a solid 2 pounds. Yet, it has the flexibility to conform to my life. Some days, such as MyGuy's day off or if we go out to eat, the 1900 calorie budget fits the day. Other days I can pick from the rest of the calorie choices.

It's a grand experiment, and I think I want to give it at least a month to get used to it, to see if it's doable, and work the bugs out.

Along these lines, Margaret  left a comment yesterday that got me thinking:

"It's amazing that you went over your budget and didn't give into the "I've blown it" mindset and eat everything in sight. That's always the easiet thing in the world for me to do. 

This is why you are successful...you meet the challenges head on and fearlessly battle it out until you have it by the root, so you can pluck out, examine it and destroy it!"

This was in reference to my Chocolate Fest, where I blew my calorie budget eating chocolate. And I had mentioned that it wasn't the calories that bothered me, but rather the mindset that allowed me to make excuses and EAT the extra chocolate.

Margarets comment made me think of how much my thinking has changed! It made me feel so grateful that I no longer give in to the all-or-nothing mindset that says "oh well, you've messed up now, so go ahead and eat whatever you want, and just start over tomorrow (or Monday, or next week or next month...)"

Do I still have those thoughts? Sure. And they can be mighty tempting at times! But I finally see how destructive they are and choose NOT to do that to myself. Why not? Why not just start over in the morning... it's only one night of a party in my mouth...won't it make me "feel better"??

NO. No it won't, in the long run. 

Because while my old, immature thinking told me it was only one night of a food fest... the New Me has finally learned that IT ALL COUNTS. It all adds up... plus it sets the precedence to do it again, and again, and again. And all it takes is to blow it once or twice a month to negate all the hard work, and keep me stalled.

I did that for YEARS AND YEARS!!! 

Once DOES matter. One food orgy DOES matter. It DOES kill progress. It DOES chip away at resolve and determination. IT DOES MATTER.

And that is why my Chocolate fest was a danger sign to me, and I needed to get honest and address it.

And that is also why I am experimenting with my calorie budget. I have be honest with myself and admit I am struggling, and find a solution. So, we'll see! I'll let ya know in a month if this was a good idea. :-)

From Dr Phil's book: "Adopt a solution-side approach to your life."

My verse for today: "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits."

My quote for today: "If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." --Jim Rohn

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 287 Day of Rest & Reflections

Hi Journal & Friends,

Today I picked out some of my favorite photos that Jim took of reflections. I guess it's because I have been having a hard look at myself lately. I want to stay honest with myself, and sometimes that's hard. You don't always realize that you've drifted slightly away from dead center.

Just to clarify about my Chocolate fest (that post is here) , where I went over my calorie budget by 200 and some calories eating chocolate... it wasn't the  amount of calories that bothered me. It was that I had drifted into a mindset that ALLOWED me to go over my chosen calorie budget. 

Why did I tell myself it was okay? What justifications did I use to give myself permission to lower my guard and let the excuses begin?

I had to ask and answer those kinds of questions. I still don't have all the answers. It's a long journey for me, and I was just kind of tired and wanted to pamper myself a little... take a break from being so strict... relax a little.

I can't do that! My life is at risk. Really. I started at 460 pounds, yes. But I am STILL in the morbid obesity range at 338, and still at risk! I can't "relax" and "take a break", regardless of how I feel. 

I will "fall forward" here... learn from it and go on towards my goal. If you missed Debs post about Falling Forward, I highly recommend it! 

So here are my favorite Reflection photos... you can click on any to enlarge:

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 286 Spring Challenge Week 9 Update

Hello Journal & Friends,

Once again, time for our Challenge Update!

First, a reminder of our overall goal for the Challenge:

"The goal of this challenge is to teach yourself to look at your new behaviors positively, to learn to be nicer to yourself and believe in yourself, to learn to enjoy healthy behaviors and learn some moderation. A little balance. It's important. More important to learn than the extremes - too much and deprivation."

And now for my own weekly check-in...

My Spring Challenge goals:

1. Every day for the next 13 weeks, do some kind of Exercise.

2. Every day for the next 13 weeks, drink a Greenie.

3. Check in every Saturday.

4. Tell one thing each week that I like about myself.

5. Save up to buy myself a fun Reward at the end.

My Exercise: 

Improving, but still not up to snuff yet! I'm letting poor time management flub up my schedule, and let MyGuy being home all week become an excuse to miss some of it. I still did something each day, but not near what I was doing before. This will be fixed starting TODAY. Period... no more excuses.

My Greenies: 

I made 5 out of 7 this week. Better, but again, I need to get back to my plan, which was DAILY. Again, starting TODAY, back on plan.

One thing I like about myself: 

Wow, I'm running out of things! Okay, here is one:

I like that years ago I learned about the power of appreciation, thankfulness, and gratitude.  As long as I choose to find things for which to feel genuinely thankful, it helps to lift my attitude, and things look brighter. 

Focusing in on the good instead of the bad helps to keep my attitude buoyed up, floating above self-pity and whining.  Occasionally I forget this, and get my focus on the wrong things, and then I struggle. But I want to remember that it's better to focus on what I CAN do, not on what I can't. 

Sometimes people who have a positive oriented blog are criticized for being "phoney". I have been... but it's because they don't understand my mindset. I write the kind of blog that I, myself, need to read. Uplifting, encouraging and positive, as much as is possible. I NEED to learn to see possibilities and count my blessings, not wallow in the negatives.

What we focus on GROWS. We ALL have negatives in our lives. We all have a story. But we ALL have possibilities and potential, too. So I choose to focus on the possibilities, even while dealing with the hard stuff that comes up. I just don't want to wallow in it.. to STAY there, in the negatives. Deal with it and move on! 

Life is too short to waste it choosing to be miserable and whine and complain. Do we all have things we could complain about?? Of course. More at times than others. Sometimes life can hit us hard... but it's still a choice if we STAY down in the mud. I choose to look up, to the stars.

One of my favorite little poems is by Frederick Langdridge:

"Two men looked out from prison bars,

one saw the mud,

the other saw the stars."

"Cosmic Rosebud"

For my Reward: 

Still squirrelling away money in my glass bear jar. Still haven't totally decided on my reward.

I'm sure glad our challenge motto is:  Progress, not perfection.

I hope all you Weight Loss Warriors had a good week. Mine could've been better... this next week IS going to be better.

From Dr Phil's book: "By changing the way you think, you can change the way you feel and act."

My verse for today: "I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples."

My quote for today: "When you are weary, be truly thankful for how far you have already come. Let your gratitude transform what is, into the very best of what you know can be. Life's energy is what you make it. Make it purposeful, positive, fulfilling, and great." --Ralph Marston

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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