Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Mar 22nd...One In A Million, Again!

Sometimes I think I need to go back and re-read my own posts! Like... a sentence from this post: 

In our own lives, this means "choosing to live your life intentionally and acting with purpose rather than mindlessly falling victim to whatever comes your way."

I just realized this morning that I have been doing exactly what that line says  NOT to do. Sheesh. It feels as though every time I get some traction going in this weight loss/health thing, along comes something to kick me to the curb.

How does that sound to my own ears?? Whine whine whine, excuse excuse excuse, victim victim victim.

Yet, sometimes we don't hear ourselves! A little while ago I was on the phone talking to my sweet, empathic Sister. She said something that really stopped me, and helped me very much. She said it sounded like I was allowing excuses to stop me from making progress. Ouch! But she was right. I just hadn't been listening to what I was saying. I really appreciated that truthful reminder said in love.



So, I'm going back to basics... again. And what was the first line that I read???!! This sentence from Dr Marty Lerners free booklet:

"I would encourage anyone with an eating disorder, 
or any addiction for that matter, to measure progress 
in terms of how one is doing rather than how one 
may be feeling at a given time."

Wow, how could I have forgotten that?!

Doing? Lousy. Inconsistent. Poor choices.
Feeling? Frustrated. Discouraged. Angry.

Why? I looked at circumstances, and fell victim "to whatever comes your way", as it said above.

My title for this blog post came from something a doctor told me years ago right before a medical procedure. "Oh, it's safe. It's one in a million that anything ever goes wrong."

Uh huh. That day I was that one in a million.

Back to present day. Went in for what was to be my LAST dental surgery. I was so excited to be at the end of a long process. And so what happened??

Again, I was that one in a million. Aaarrrgghhh!

They sliced open the upper gum and peeled it back to work on my brand new shiny implants, to get ready for my permanent dentures. Part of the work involved placing a tiny "torque test" tool inside the implant, to test how strongly it was bonded to the bone. I've had this little test done many times before. No biggee.

Except, this time it was a biggee. The tiny tool broke off INSIDE my implant!!!! It felt like they were pick-axing to China as they desperately tried to get it out. No go... wouldn't budge.

So they sewed me back up with the broken part still inside me!! That was last week. No teeth, no dentures, no chewing. Waiting for the manufacturer to send a special "retrieval" tool, and then I get to go back and repeat the whole surgery all over again.

I'm not mad at the dental surgeon at all. He's very skilled, and has been great these last couple of years. And he's refusing to even charge me for this go around (and he told me that BEFORE the fiasco). 

It's just these thoughts of... "Come on, now what??!!!" And "I can't believe this happened to me!"

And so I pouted and ate and complained and allowed stinkin' thinkin' to make me discouraged. Funny thing is... I had forgotten that when I can't chew anything, and it's all mushy or liquid, I don't seem to ever feel satisfied. Never full. Never satiated. Always want MORE. So I ate more. Now I weigh more. Sigh....

My action plan?? Back to basics. No huge changes, other than my thinking. Just DOING what I should be doing.

SERF

S = spirituality
E = exercise
R = rest
F = food plan

Plain. Simple. Doable. I dunno... there is something comforting in a simple plan. So that's what I'm DOING now. 

And the cancer surgery?? Still waiting. It's actually taken, literally, months to get appointments with the various specialists I've been told to see. Ooh la la, they are so elite and elusive. 

In the meantime... I'm off to go SERFing. :-}




Still on the Journey,


Retta




7 comments:

Deb Willbefree said...

Hey, Retta. The dental thing? :o Seems to me that it warrants a fine whine. Just don't consume calories in the process. :} Yeah. That's not even easy for me to say, let a lone do.

I've been praying for you a lot the last couple of days. assumed it was because of the cancer surgery...now I see that it was something else. Fortunately, God knew the real need.

Under the misery loves company banner: I had a cardiac catheterization a couple of weeks ago. Had one a few years ago, no problem. Wasn't worried, except that the MD was pretty sure I'd need an angioplasty. He took one look at old, fat me and my history and KNEW my arteries were clogged. The week before, he gave me a time-release version of nitroglycerine to "relax and open up" my arteris.

The good news and the bad news was--> the arteries were wide open. No plaque whatsoever. Which means he created a little superhighway with that nitro which allowed the contrast dye to zoom right up to and across the blood/brain barrier. It jazzed up my brain and gave me a small STROKE. yep. In the occipital lobe.

It also gave me peduncular hallucinations from the combo of dye in the brain and stroke in the lobe. (The hallucinations are fading., thank God.)

To add insult to literal injury, before the MRI showed the stroke, the cardio guy insisted--I mean insisted--that the hallucinations I was having had NOTHNG whatsoever to do with the cardiac cath. I needed to see my PCP for a work up to find the problem. He even threw in the words "mental decline" to bolster the "not the cath" argument.

My PCP ordered the MRI & assured me that I wasn't the one with mental decline. In fairness to the cardio guy, this happening is about---one in a million. :}

Hugs, old girl. I'll keep on praying.

Deb

Retta said...

!!!! Oh Deb! That is so frustrating to me, your doctor's assumption. No, more than that. It's infuriating. My pulmonologist once admitted to me it was absolutely true, that unfortunately in medicine overweight patients are all too often diagnosed according to DBF... Diagnosed By Fat. I sure hope you "fired" that cardiologist and got a better one. That is downright scary!
And then to have the guy try to convince you it was due to "mental decline"?! Outrageous.

I hope all the symptoms clear up, especially since it was in the occipital lobe. You sure didn't need any MORE visual problems.

Yeah... one in a million is not fun. In a black humor sort of way, I told Jim that since I seem to attract one in a million outcomes, I oughta go buy a lottery ticket!

Deb Willbefree said...

Chuckle! That lottery idea is funny...and may have some merit! :D

Deb Willbefree said...

Hey. How's it going with the dental fiasco and the CA surgery? Been praying and now hoping for an update. :}

Deb

Retta said...

Hi Deb. Nuthin much new. After they opened up my gums to retrieve the broken tool part, I was sent the same day to the dentist that was going to finish the whole thing by converting my dentures to fit over the implants that are now sticking out. Ha! Surprise, surprise. He said no, it was too swollen. Go home. Come back in two weeks. Sigh. So, I go back next week, and hopefully they'll really finish up.

Still waiting to see specialists about the cancer stuff. One appt next week, to analyze the latest test results. The idea is to be able to see if it is fast or slow growing, and how long it's safe to wait before surgery. My AFib is still not stable (no use going up there only to be sent home again). Plus, they wanted me to lose more weight. I obliged by gaining weight. :-\ I'm hoping to buy more time to get my act together.

So... still stuck in "wait and see" mode. I appreciate your prayers. Now if I could only feel patient! :-D

Deb Willbefree said...

So glad the dental tool was removed! As for the rest--> Oh, dear! I'll keep praying. You know, Retta, I don't want to sound freakishly weird, but it sure seems that medical treatment is...I don't know how to put this, exactly...in some sort of confusion lately. so many unexpected and unusual things, so many missteps, so much not as it should be. (Not saying that all things are MD error at all, but it just feels odd to me). Bill just had a cataract removed and there were some "mishaps" that ought not to have happened. It's put me off.

At any rate, I'll keep you in prayer. Daily. (And I'd have gained weight, too!)

Deb


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