JUNE 28th Compassion & Respect

I'm about to share one of the many MANY events that occurred in my life caused by me being Fat. 

Wait... no. 

Caused by the REACTION of others to me being Fat. It's a personal story, that I haven't told often. You'll soon know why. (If you are offended by a little too much information, please skip this post.)

And I have a reason for sharing... it has to do with a TED Talk I watched yesterday, given by a young doctor named Peter Attia. Here's the link  to the 16 minute video, but I know most are too busy to watch. So in a nutshell, here is my synopsis of it:

Dr Attia is a surgeon. Young, strong, healthy. Called to the ER to check on a diabetic woman who had an infected foot, to decide if she needed an amputation or not. He gave her quality medical care, but now admits that back then he judged her harshly for "being Fat", and basically bringing this on herself. 

Fastforward a few years.This strong, exercising, Food-Pyramid "healthy" eater started gaining weight and discovered he was Insulin Resistant. He finally started questioning everything he had been taught about Diabetes, and realized his lack of compassion and empathy for that diabetic woman and indeed, all those "fat people that just didn't care enough to take care of themselves better" (paraphrasing him).

The end of the TED talk touched my heart. He looked into the camera and said if that woman was somehow watching, would she please forgive him for his attitude towards her. For while he did his best as a physician, he had failed her as one human being to another.

This TED talk triggered a flood of memories for me. I've had my share of run-ins with doctors and so-called Experts over the years. I've tried all my life to get a handle on this weight thing. I've done what They prescribed, yet gained weight. I've gone to "counselors" who, as it turned out, were more messed up than I was. I've paid thousands of dollars over the years, trying this and that... I'm sure many can relate to that.

The event with a doctor that hurt me so badly happened when I was about 22 years old. I was trying to be responsible, so went down to the Free Clinic (I was low income) to get some birth control pills. They wouldn't prescribe them without an exam. You ladies know which exam... THAT one. For you gentlemen... it's where you strip buck nekkid, put on a flimsy paper gown open in the back, lay on your back on the exam table, put your feet up into stirrups, and open your knees apart to expose yourself to a total stranger. Yes.... THAT exam.

Bad enough for most of us, on any given day. But when one is already ashamed of their body, it's beyond humiliating. Got the picture so far??

The nurse had me all set up, then in comes a young male doctor, in a hurry, businesslike. The first time I meet him is in this exposed position. He says little, and starts. As he struggled to get the instrument inside me, he mutters loudly "you're just too damn fat"... and...  "are you sure it even goes in??" referring to my partners anatomy.

I lay there in stunned silence. On the outside, I just froze. On the inside, I was dying of humilation. He left, I got dressed. I left. As I drove home the dam finally burst, and I sobbed all the way home. I couldn't stop. When I got home my partner was alarmed and finally got out of me what had happened. It took all the persuasion I had over him to stop him from going down to the clinic and beating the s*%t out of that man, or worse. And yes, back in those days, that definitely would have happened if I hadn't been able to stop him.

My point?? Even if we think someone "brought this on themselves", they are human beings with feelings, hearts, hopes and dreams. No one wakes up each day thinking "oh boy, today I want to be hugely Fat and in pain, and have people treat me like crap and judge me". 

No... we all deserve to be treated with compassion and respect.

Maybe if I hadn't gone through a lifetime of my own struggles I would be one of those who looked down their nose on the "pathetically weak" people. I dunno. But what I do know is... EVERYONE deserves love, acceptance and forgiveness. Everyone can use some encouragement. Everyone has dreams and hopes and are worthy of our respect. Not for what they "do", but for the fact that they ARE. 

We tell ourselves we are "doing them a favor" by blasting others with what is "wrong" with them. Like a fat person doesn't KNOW they are fat?? Like that doctor was letting me in on some little secret as I lay there in that vulnerable position?? 

Well... everyone has a story. 

It sounds cliche, sure, but we ARE all fighting our own battles. I'm thinking if we tried to remember that, maybe we could muster up a little more compassion and respect for others on this sometimes rocky path we call Life... I'm sure those of us still on this journey to health would appreciate that. Well, for that matter, EVERYbody would. :-)

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

JUNE 26th My Weird Workout Buddies

My little pool is finally up and running this year, and my new workout buddies are birds, bumblebees, crickets, dragonflies and the wide blue sky! How cool is that?!

Last year I showed you photos HERE   of the iPool I bought and was all excited about. 

Well... I didn't write much about it after that because everything that could go wrong DID go wrong. By the time the pool was going, the summer was almost over. And I couldn't get in by myself, which meant I could only exercise either before or after my husbands work, both of which were colder times (my muscles seize up in the cold).

But THIS year MyGuy built a hoist thingie so I could get in and out all by my little lonesome... and I finally got to start my new pool exercises a couple of weeks ago... yippee!! It is heated to about 85 degrees and my muscles are loving it. 

Here's the ramp leading up to the pool... it is still covered here; I have a pulley system that I use to remove the tarp and solar blanket:

My "chariot" that I ride in and out of the pool, suspended from a hoist motor above :

I LOVE my dumbells and noodle! Those little dumbells are super bouyant and it gives my muscles quite the workout to hold them underwater and do exercises. I can sit on the noodle, which takes pressure off my knees, yet still allows me to do water walking and a dozen other exercises:

Ha ha, tried to show me using a dumbell, but couldn't get the camera aimed right (almost dropped it in the water!)

The view out the back side of the pool:

With my Noodle, wearing my Scuba vest... it really keeps me warm on cooler days! (ha ha, bags under my eyes; need to get more sleep!):

What a view!

This is the other side of the pool, the tarp canopy; when the weather gets cooler, I plan to leave it half closed to keep in some warmth:

Wet faced... yay, the sun broke thru the clouds!

That's what I've been up to these last few weeks. 

Were there days when I didn't "feel" like exercising? Sure. 

My commitment was tested several times, believe me. The only time I skipped was when I was actually physically sick. I'm just now starting to see a little progress from the regular exercise, and I feel encouraged. :-)

Never, ever give up.

 

My book quote for today: "God's love contains the power to heal our emotional wounds. His love strengthens us to press on in difficult times, and it softens our hearts, enabling us to show more love to others." --Joyce Meyer, from Love Out Loud

My verse for today: "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

My quote for today: "Don't waste your time looking back on what you've lost. Move on, life is not meant to be traveled backwards." --Jack White, artist/author

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

The "numbers" do matter, since they are the result of Consistent good choices.

But it's not ALL about the numbers. 

We are more than that... we are whole people! 

 

MAY 17th Pressing On

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to never give up, never surrender. 

And there are those days when I just need to counter the doubts and fears with Truth.

A favorite verse of mine that I find encouraging is:

"Those who hope in the Lord 
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Is 40:31


Enjoy the journey,

Loretta

APRIL 19th A Different Point of View!

For all those who roll your eyes whenever I post a new "aha" moment... get ready to rock an' roll 'em! 

I read a post by Marion at Affection for Fitness that stopped me in my tracks. It's titled: Why I Don't Believe In Willpower for Weight/Fitness. 

Now, I've been  looking for answers for YEARS, trying this and that, going down many dead end paths, reading umpteen different books and trying to learn from the "experts". Everyone has an opinion. But I can't recall reading THIS idea before, from quite this angle, that Marion wrote about.

I highly recommend you read the whole post yourself, but for the sake of discussion, here is what I got out of it, in a nutshell:

Stop trying to find ways to stay all excited/highly pumped up/motivated every single day as a way to get you to your goal, or you will burn out!

 

That's my summary... she said it better. But I had to stop and think about it. Cuz I've been doing the OPPOSITE of what she is saying. Trying to find ways to keep that "motivation" level all hyped up; to "feel" motivated. But Marion made the point that NO ONE can "feel" highly motivated for long periods of time, without ending up feeling tired and wanting to take a rest, a break from it all. 

She said what we need is STAYING POWER, not will power. And we get that by not depending upon "feeling" all excited and motivated, but from just having a plan of what we need to do, day in and day out, then DOING it regardless of how we "feel". 

Bingo! That's when I saw she was right... that IS how I've been feeling lately, tired and burned out. Actually, for a long time! I just never saw it in quite this light before. I won't repeat her post here, but she does explain the answer to all that, so if you find you are feeling kinda burned out, I really do suggest you read her post HERE.

After thinking of all the posts I've written here about motivation, attitude, determination, energy, passion, positive thinking, getting strength, being a Warrior, willpower, blah blah blah... I wonder if I've made it clear that I am a SEEKER, not an expert??

 I don't HAVE the answers, I am SEARCHING for the answers. I know that I've said that before, but not with every post. And I suspect that I must come off as some kind of know-it-all, due to some "feedback" from certain folks. For someone who has turned that corner and has finally "gotten it", I guess I can see why they might feel impatient or frustrated with those of us still trying to "get it". I mean, even *I* get tired of feeling like all I do is talk it, not walk it!

Let me make it reeeeaaalllly clear: I am ON this journey to wellness. I have NOT arrived! I am still learning, and I like to write about stuff that I am interested in, and that--at the time--I am excited enough about to want to put it into a post. Yes, I hope someone else might find it helpful, too. And I'm sorry--truly-- if my communication skills make it sound like I'm thinking I have all the answers, or that I'm saying everyone should do it "my" way. Cuz that's the opposite of what I think! All plans do NOT work for everyone. We all have to find what works for us.

But there are some overall "principles" that do seem to apply to most everyone. And I'm thinking that this post by Marion is one of those. At least... it rings true to me. So I'm pointing it out, in the hopes that others might also find it helpful. If it contradicts anything I've previously written, then definitely ditch what I said, and listen to someone who IS successful at this journey to wellness!

 I really mean it when I say... do yourself a favor and take time to read her post. It's a keeper!

My book quote for today: "All inputs contribute to who you become as a person! Nothing is neutral. Every exposure either overtly or discreetly influences your personality, your character, and the choices you make during the day, even though you are consciously unaware of most of them." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

My quote for today: "The reason why you aren't interested in "deep motivation" is because you know that success in the long run is about pacing yourself and not emotionally exhausting yourself." --Marions daughter

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

 

APRIL 8th Oh noes, I Forgot!

I was thinking earlier today about how I am learning to be more honest in my art, to take the risk of "going deeper", being more vulnerable and not just doing only light-hearted stuff. It's all a part of my Journey to Wellness. To pursue the true passions of my heart. 

And it dawned on me, that I forgot to share what I've been up to over at my art blog! Now, I realize not everyone is interested, but some might be.  Back in Dec of 2012, I joined the Virtual Paintout  gang, and each month we travel via Google Street View to a new location. We get to pick whatever spot we like, and use it as the inspiration for our painting. For people who can't travel for whatever reason, this is sooo much fun! I feel like my wheelchair has wings, and I am traveling the world. :-)

So, below is my March painting. I call it "Moonlit Dreams Come True".  

I had started out planning a light-hearted "safe" painting. Then I read a wonderful guest post at Jules Joyce's website Phenomenal Living.  It was called Bravery & Art, and I realized that to grow I had to stop playing it safe, and be authentic. I had been thinking about dreams, hopes and yearnings of the heart; so I changed my concept to reflect that idea.

"Moonlit Dreams Come True"

Vilnius, Lithuania

9 x 12 acrylics 

on wrapped canvas

If you'd enjoy seeing all the photos of the "making-of" process, I invite you to visit my art blog, Art By Retta. 

My book quote for today: "Don't make light of little victories. Small successes breed large ones. Remember, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself." --Joyce Meyer, Love Out Loud

My verse for today: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles."

My quote for today: "Art is, in the final analysis, a window on heaven." --Don Hudson

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

The "numbers" do matter, since they are the result of Consistent good choices.

But it's not ALL about the numbers. 

We are more than that... we are whole people! 

APRIL 5th Back to Consistency

I read a terrific post by Chris at A Deliberate Life (HERE)   

a while back. She said a LOT of great stuff, and I highly recommend it. But the word that reached out and grabbed me the most was CONSISTENT. 

I thought of all the times in my life I've "dieted". All the "tries", all the repeated efforts, programs, methods. Fail, try, fail, try, fail, try, ad nauseam. 

If I had just picked one and been consistent, I would have been done with this thing EONS ago. 

Out of curiosity, I looked at my own blog index and found I'd written about Consistency/Consistent 85 times!!!!!!!! EIGHTY FIVE!!

It was even my "theme" for 2011... sheesh...

My first reaction was... exasperation at myself! 

My second was... sadness and embarrassment over all the wasted time.

My third was... I just shook my head, smiled sheepishly to myself, and decided to read each and every one of those posts. To see if there is anything helpful there for me. Because I still WANT to learn consistency. 

It's not a matter of "need" to. 

I WANT to.

And I hope that will make the difference.

In fact, I BELIEVE that WILL make a difference.

I want to Consistently DO, not just talk. 

Talk is cheap... it's what I DO that will make the difference.

My book quote for today:  "The true story of every person in this world is not the story you see, the external story. The true story of each person is the journey of his or her heart." --from The Sacred Romance, by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge

My verse for today: "Call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."

My quote for today: "Consistency. Doing it day in and day out and not letting it be optional." --Chris Oursler, A Deliberate Life

Enjoy the Journey to Wellness, consistently,

Loretta

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

The "numbers" do matter, since they are the result of Consistent good choices.

But it's not ALL about the numbers. 

We are more than that... we are whole people! 

Mar 12th A Peach Tree Named Frosty

This journey to health is not a "success only" deal. Well, at least not for me. And from what I read out there in Bloggyland, not for lots of ya'll. We have our ups and downs. But WE. KEEP. GOING.

Three years ago in my back yard we planted a little peach tree. We had such high hopes for Frosty (yes, we actually named her; and yes, she's a girl). The first year, we had 3 absolutely DIVINE peaches. No comparison whatsoever taste-wise with store bought. Heavenly!

Then, the trials started. 

My husband had worked in a peach orchard as a teen, and thought he knew "enough" to successfully do this. Uh, it was harder than we thought. 

Long story short: surprise low temps killed most of the buds one year; some bugs ate up others one year; we didn't prune correctly and lost some key branches another year... on it goes.

But we haven't given up on Frosty. While she doesn't look very lush and promising on top, under the ground her roots are growing deeper. We feed and water her, and do our best with what we know at the time. And have hope for improvement in fruit yield, this coming year.

And so it goes with this weight loss journey. 

I had done this weight loss thing SO many times in my life, I thought I knew "enough" to successfully do it this time. But yes, it was harder than I thought. I won't repeat all the set backs here... that's not the point.

The point is: I haven't given up. 

I'm working on "feeding and watering" my mind, body and spirit, and have hope that in due season, I will have some good fruit.

In the meantime, I've made mistakes; had setbacks; detours; weight regains; weight losses; then regains... sigh. I've been sorting out some "stuff", with not a lot to say here. :-}

Yes, I've been discouraged lately. But I can stay there, wallowing in self-pity. Or, I can replace those thoughts with good stuff... and choose to Believe. 

Not much else to say. I gotta just keep going.  Because some days the Fear Dogs nip at my heels, barking at me that it's too late, and I'm just fooling myself. And that's scary.

Please, God, give me what it takes to keep going, to Believe, and to succeed.

My book quote for today:  "Discouragement destroys hope... When discouragement  tries to overtake you, the first thing to do is to examine your thought life. What kinds of thoughts have you been thinking lately? ... You become what you think. Think discouraging thoughts, and you will get discouraged. Change your thinking and be set free!" --Joyce Meyer, from Love Out Loud

My verse for today: "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

My quote for today: "What is to give light must endure the burning." --Viktor Frankl

Enjoy the Journey (or at least, don't QUIT the journey til you can enjoy it again!),

Loretta

=^..^=