Thursday, May 27, 2010

DAY 291 In No Man's Land

Hi Journal & Friends,

I finally figured out what's been bothering me for several weeks. It wasn't obvious... just there, in the back of my mind, lurking. It's hard to put into words. So I picked out some of Jim's photos to help me (can click photos to enlarge).

I started this journey in earnest last year in March of 2009, and then started my blog later in August. It was all fresh and new, exciting... golden with promise... 

There have been a lot of nice, blue sky kind of days... 

But I've also had my share stormy days, like most of us. It's just life...

I imagine the end of the journey to be a place of beauty and peace, like a gorgeous sunset...

Yet for me, that goal is still sooo far away. The newness has worn off and the end is not even in sight yet. A "sameness" has set in. I feel kind of like I am in No Man's Land... in the middle... as if this will go on forever.

Maybe this is normal for someone on a long journey. I dunno... I haven't been this way before. It's a new road for me. 

When I was a kid, one summer we went on The Big Trip with my Mom. And I distinctly remember that feeling of never-ending roads stretching out before us as we drove through parts of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas. I remember looking out at roads straight ahead as far as the eye could see... and feeling like we would NEVER get there.

I suppose that is how I am feeling now. Intellectually, I realize that's not true. But that is how I feel right now. 

I believe that feelings/emotions are useful clues... information to help us.  So I suppose this information is giving me a message. The only one that comes to mind (other than the P word... patience) is that I need to be living NOW... to be fully present now, and living my life to the fullest each day along the journey.

From Dr Phil's book: "Slow your thoughts down, and listen attentively."

My verse for today: "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever."

My quote for today: "Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." --Robert Collier

Enjoy the Journey,



debby said...

Loretta, how very true. And such beautiful photos to illustrate the point. My journey is still not over after five years, although I do feel like I have 'arrived' somewhere with the 100 pound loss.

The time I really felt like you do was when I embarked on becoming a nurse. At that time in my life, two years seemed like an eternity. And then when I realized it would take three years...

Looking back now, it seems almost silly that I thought that was such a long time. But it was a very real experience for me at the time. I can tell by how vivid the memory still is today, 27 years later.

I guess the application you could draw from this is that because I stayed the course (BTW in spite of failing and almost failing several times) I now have a 24 year career as a nurse that I look back on with pride and a wee bit of surprise at the wonder of it all.

Stay the course, Loretta. You cannot even know what wonder awaits you, just like I did not have any idea of all the good things that would come into my life from being a nurse.

Olivia said...

I couldn't agree more with your conclusion! Unfortunately, at the end of our journey it is not just going to be blue skies. We are going to have to deal with these same emotions. We can't it upon ourselves that losing weight is going to fix everything. It won't. We have to take our life by the horns, so to speak, and live live live!

You are doing a great job! I hate those kinds of days, but things will get better :)

M Pax said...

Ah yes. Been there. Isn't it exciting and new to be somewhere you haven't been before, though? That's what you said up there. That's worth examining and getting enthusiastic about. Wooot!

Jim's pictures are stunning.

midlife_swimmer said...

I have been doing this for over 3 years now.... when doing it all alone wore out it's welcome I found all you guys and I am happy for the company.

CinciMom11 said...

Are you frustrated with the sameness, or are you frustrated that you aren't at your goal yet? Once you get to your goal, a lot of the sameness will continue - eating right, watching calories, exercising. Yes, you will have reached your goal weight, but the journey never ends. What about the sameness frustrates you the most.

You're so good at identifying your problems, Retta! <3

Leslie said...

You've come to an excellent conclusion - live life now, during the journey. Because the journey is your life, not simply the means to a destination. It's so easy to forget that, isn't it?

I love your thoughts, Loretta, and also that you hang in with yourself and ultimately figure out what's brewing in you heart and mind. Success is inevitable!

Deb Willbefree said...

Hmmm... You started this "journey in earnest" in March. Something has been bothering you for the "last several weeks."

Was it the one year anniversary date? Did you expect to be further down the highway?

Or do you think that maybe this ennui coincides with having been so ill and needing to gain strength?

Chuckle. Or it coud be none of the above. Life doesn't always fit neatly in the slots, does it?

Happy trails, WLW!]


cmoursler said...

I remember someone saying the beginning of the journey is exciting, the end victorious...the middle is a big old mess. lol.
I tried to remember that around 6 or 7 months in...I am trying to remember it now, when I look so much better but am starting to notice that I am still 'chubby' lmao.
ah well.
You will get there because you have what it takes.

writingtowellness said...

I hear what you're saying/typing - the honeymoon is over and the drudgery of everyday life with a new eating/exercise/stress reduction (whatever else) plan has set in. I'm right there also. After 8 months of concentrated effort it seems like this should be second nature but so many years of not-so-good habits are hard to change. I'm just trying to focus now on enjoying the journey because I sure as heck do not intend to do it (lose weight) again!

Patsy said...

I think that regardless of how long the journey, we all feel like you do after a while... We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and we'll make it to our destination! Love the photo metaphors. :o)

P x

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