JUNE 17th Ups n Downs, But Never Give Up

It's been a long time since I've been so overwhelmed with temptation that I took something out of the garbage and ate it. 

Oh... you've never done that?? Then you don't understand true food addiction. Addiction to the way eating something can make you feel. 

The temporary lift 

The temporary escape 

The temporary hit to the pleasure center in the brain

I didn't do it this time, but the urge was powerful and I came close. Too close.

You see I, myself, opened the door to be set up for it. A relative came into town and brought dinner. Included was some "crack cocaine"... aka... fresh baguette bread. 

I had two responses: red flag warning, since in my past I have literally eaten a whole loaf with a stick of butter over the course of one day. And... rationalization. Telling myself it's no big deal, it's family, it's a special occasion, I'll just have a little and be done with it. 

Uh huh. Yep. That's the worst kind of lie, the kind we tell ourself. 

For some people, they could handle "a little bit". But I know my history. And I never should have listened to the lie.

After they left, I had "just one more slice". Then another. Then another... MyGuy came home and caught me having "just one slice". I didn't explain it was just one AFTER ten other "just ones".  In other word, I lied by omission. Sigh... that's a classic sign of an addict hiding their behavior, right??

So, I made sure he saw me throw the rest of the loaf, in it's bag, into the trash can. As if I was oh-so-in-control. Riiiggghhtttt...

The next day I was under more stress from other issues, and was hit with the image of that baguette bread, in the trash but "protected" by it's plastic bag. And for a fleeting second I seriously considered pulling it out and eating it.

I was aghast at myself! I was disgusted, disappointed, and embarrassed that I actually considered doing that.

After all these years. After all those pounds lost so far. And I'm STILL even entertaining doing something like that??!!!!!

Even now, it makes me cry. I wonder if I have changed at all. I wonder if I am just following a "program", yet inside there is no true change.

I once wrote a post (HERE) trying to articulate the differences, as I saw it, in the weight loss experiences of a "smaller" overweight person and a super-sized person (jumbo jet vs cessna). Sure, some things are the same. But some feel different to me.

I started at 460 pounds. The canyons seemed deeper, the mountains seemed higher. Temptation seemed so powerful and hope seemed farther away. Success always felt right around the corner, but just out of reach.

The road, for the super-sized person, can seem soooo long. It's easy to get so very tired of it all. To start thinking compromise. Couched in a "positive" way, of course, like "look how far you've come".  

But it's still settling. 

Still stopping short. 

Still giving up. 

Still buying into the lie that I've come as far as I can, and it's time to get "realistic" and accept that this is IT.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so raw today. I am successfully, finally, back on track, after a few days of struggle. I think it's a deep and powerful response to a blog post I read from Holly, HERE. 

After reading what Holly wrote, I cried, and I felt understood. She's lost 240 pounds and KNOWS the long struggle. Also the pitfalls along the way and even after. The pull of that addiction. The way we rationalize our behavior. The guilt over making selfish choices instead of following our faith, and going to God instead of food. All that.

So... I'm not giving up. I pray for help. I pray for mercy. I pray for encouragement. And I feel grateful that HOPE is real and powerful.

Answer my prayers, O Lord, 

for your unfailing love is wonderful.

Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful. 

Psalm 69:16

Loretta

APRIL 5th Oh So Close to the Two'sies!

 "I didn't have any desire to shake things up, or make huge dramatic changes." 

That's from my last post, back in January. All I have to say about that is:

What a winter I've had! Seven different medical conditions, one piled on top of the other... good griefus! I'm better now, and truly thankful. 

But honestly, when in the middle of all that, it's hard not to get discouraged and start feeling sorry for yourself. At least, that's what I struggled with. 

One of the conditions caused me to have severe... ahem ... diarrhea FOR 75 DAYS!! Yes, you read that right. 2 1/2 months. I almost ended up hospitalized. We never did discover what set it off, but they had me trying everything to stop it. 

From the BRAT diet, to heavy duty prescriptions. NOTHING WORKED. I honestly wondered if this was the way I going to go out... cr**ping myself to death. :-O

I finally said phooey to all the doctor's guesses, did some research, and put myself on a special, extremely strict elimination type diet designed by a doctor, for people with intestinal issues.

Tough to follow?? Not if you are desperate enough and facing medical complications. The dehydration and electrolyte imbalance played havoc with my congestive heart failure, and it was dicey for awhile. So yeah... I was willing to get extreme. 

The program is for people who struggle with Crohns, Ulcerative colitis, Diverticulitits, Celiac disease,  and more. I don't have those, but it DID help me stop the cycle, and heal.

I have to admit, though, that I was ticked off for awhile. You see... I was originally ordered to go on the BRAT diet, which is TOTALLY HIGH CARB stuff. Um... I have been extremelly low carb for 5 years!! That was so hard for me to do. And I was even surprised to find that some of the stuff I secretly expected to enjoy (like potatoes, white rice, toast, juice, pudding, etc) didn't even taste good to me anymore. Yet the high starch diet, which turns to sugar in my system, set me up once again for powerful cravings that I'd been free from for 5 years. Soooo frustrating.

Moral of story: I can't ever say I am "cured" of being susceptible to cravings, if I am once again exposed to the sugar and starches. I had to go through actual withdrawal again. And yes, it was very hard. My mind played all kinds of games with me, just like the first time. sigh... And I STILL am struggling a bit with it, even now. Like a lingering scent, catching your attention when you aren't expecting it, and triggering memories and longings. Don't know if that makes sense, but... it's a powerful thing.

Another thing I thought about during all this: that super strict diet was difficult and exacting to follow. To start out you only eat about 4 simple, plain items, plus homemade electrolyte solution. But I was totally willing, because I was desperate and ready to try anything. 

Which made me I think about all the times over the years I had thought "Oh I am so desperate to lose weight", yet I was NOT willing to try something. 

I was willing to try SOME-things, but not ANY-thing. 

Case in point: about 20 years ago when I first heard about the idea of not eating sugar and starches, I was NOT willing. I made all kinds of excuses, and argued that it should be "moderation in all things." Yeah, right. Tell that one to an alcoholic. It might work for some people, but not for me. But I wasn't yet willing to admit that.

It wasn't until I got desperate enough, and nothing that I tried had worked, that I was finally willing to even consider giving up sugar and starches. I spent 3 months reading, studying, learning about it. I had to be convinced it would be healthy, for me. That this was what would be the healthiest way for MY body. I mean, it was the opposite of what had been pounded into my head for decades... so yeah, I was a little skeered. 

I figured I would use my old "all or nothing" tendencies TO my advantage. So once I was fully convinced, I plunged totally in. 

Against my husbands preferences.

Against the preferences of anyone I knew.

Against most of society's preferences.

I was determined, I was committed, I was willing.

It's not been easy. Heck, at times it's been VERY HARD. There have been times I was so discouraged, and wanted to give up.

But I didn't. 

I'm convinced God had mercy on me, and brought this information to help me.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to see the 2 hundreds getting close. My highest weight a few years ago was a humiliating 460 lbs.

When I weighed in on April 1st, I was 304 lbs.

That's a total loss of 156 lbs!!! I still find it hard to relate to that... it doesn't seem real. It's still hard to stand, to move, and still a lot of pain. Sometimes I wonder if I am imagining it??

But it's real. 

And on the journey goes. Day after day. Just doing the little daily stuff. Not perfect... not by a long shot. But just continuing on, no matter what.

Enjoy the journey,

Loretta

Updated to add: since some have asked about the diet that helped me recover, I thought I'd put it here.

The book I bought is "Breaking the Vicious Cycle, Intestinal Health Through Diet", by Elaine Gottschall, B.A, M.S. It gives her story (the amazing recovery of her young daughter, who the doctors basically gave up on), the science behind the diet, and recipes. It's on Amazon, and for me, was totally worth the price.

One site that was helpful to me was SCD Lifestyle.
The "official" SCD site Here.
Lots of links for SCD related info, including recipes.
There is also an active Yahoo group called BTVC: the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. I picked up lots of useful tips here.

Hope this helps!

JULY 16th A Rant & A Blogcation

Shall we talk about The Food Reward Theory of Obesity?

Some of us old enough to remember drive-in movies, clamp-on roller skates and 4 cent postage for letters are cracking up over the people trying to make a name for themselves in the realm of research.

Give me a break! If it tastes good, you'll wanna eat more, and you just might get fat??? 

Really??? 

What genius! Why, let's give 'em an award for their brilliant deductions!!! (insert snarky sound effects here)

Hey, wait a minute!  Nobody gave my Mama an award for her brilliance when she refused to let us kids pig out on dessert after dinner. Or when she said only one cookie, or it'll spoil your dinner. Yep, Mama had this Food Reward Theory of Obesity all figured out. She knew you needed to control the sweets. 

Let's see, it went something like this:

It tastes good. 

Kids will wanna eat more than they should because it's sweet and nummy.

I'm the Mama. I will say No. 

End of story.

Nowadays, they are writing papers and books, giving lectures and holding conferences, and arguing with other researchers over "the cause" of obesity.

Come on... do they think we are suckers? I for one am tired of this stupid arguing! 

Of COURSE if you taste a yummy tasting food, especially a sweet one, it could trigger a response in you that says: Eat more, suckah! And that response could be physical, emotional, or both. 

Duh! Since when is this news??

Answer: Choose whatever floats yer boat.

Eat sweet stuff, or eat fruit, or eat both... it's a choice.

I am sooo over it! 

I've had it. 

I am DONE listening to all the Educated Idiots constantly coming up with the latest and greatest in New Theories as to how we got fat.

I wanna just get on with productive action, and get healthy. Enough with the silly theories already! I admit I over simplified the "theory", but come on, there's more important things in life than quibbling over minutiae and unproven theories.

Okay. Rant over. 

All done.

Happy again.

Now let's see... what's that theory about serotonin and dopamine deficiency fueling our cravings??  Ack! My head's gonna 'slode...

So... I've decided to take a Summer Blogcation. No more theory thinkin... it's starting to feel counterproductive.

I'm going to relax and spend time over at my art blog, HERE.   

I plan to pop in for a couple of pre-planned special announcements, but other than that, my poor little brain needs a break! :-)

Later Gators,

Loretta

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MAY 6th The High, The Low & The Fat Club

Hi Journal & Friends,

This week feels like it should get the Weird Week Award!

It had some great highs... and as far eating goes, one day of the WORST lows!! And there was no reason for it, really. No drama, no deaths or funerals, no tragedies or misfortunes. It took me a couple of days to figure it out, and then another couple of days to accept it, and not write it off as an excuse (which I admit, it STILL feels like to me).

So, here's the story. Monday kicked off the week with The High.  It was Jim's day off, and we went out to eat at a buffet type restaurant. I enjoy that, since I can be picky and try a bite of this and that, and still stay on plan. Well, I had the oddest thing happened... really, I guess it was a shift in my thinking.

Unless you have been VERY overweight, you might not understand this, but there is a kind of "club". Where one hugely overweight person sees another hugely overweight person, and there is sometimes a slight "look", a nod of understanding... and something unspoken passes between them, like yeah, I know, I understand.

Well, that happened to me several times at this restaurant on Monday. And I was astounded, looking back on it, to realize that each time it happened I was surprised... and almost resented it. Later I figured out why: 

I DIDN'T THINK OF MYSELF AS BELONGING 

TO THE FAT CLUB ANY MORE!!

Now, I know I still LOOK the part, and that is why I still get the "look", the camaraderie. But inside, I guess I am thinking ahead,  and I was amazed, surprised and delighted to discover that my perception of myself is shifting! This is a big deal for me, and I hope it's not just some kind of denial, but rather a good thing. I hope it means that I am changing on the INside, and the OUTside will soon follow.

But then.... The Low happened. It actually started at the restaurant, only I didn't catch it. The backstory: one of my symptoms from the Lupus is that the epithelial layer (the outermost layer) of the skin in my mouth, stomach, intestines, etc, is too thin. I easily get ulcerated spots. In the mouth, this means I have to be careful of acids, like lemon and vinegar, and also too spicy stuff, since I usually have one or more of these spots. 

Well... I goofed up and didn't ask, when I chose to try a new dish. It was tri-tip steak with mushrooms and onions. It looked so good! I shoveled in a big spoonful, only to discover about 10 seconds later it had an after-kick! And it just KEPT burning... I tried water, ice cubes... nothing was helping. I was on the verge of tears... I felt like I had been scalded. Jim remembered that dairy products were supposed to help neutralize spicy stuff, so off he rushed. He came back with a little bowl of... vanilla soft serve ice cream (only later did I think that I could have used sour cream or milk).

Now, ya gotta remember I haven't eaten pure sugar in TWO YEARS. But at this point, I DIDN'T CARE. I put it in my mouth, a teaspoon at a time, and just let it sit there. And yes, it absolutely did help. It tasted too sweet, but I didn't care. The fire in my mouth finally died, and I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of my meal, feeling silly for having not asked first about the new dish. Won't do THAT again.

But... when I got my sugar-free apple pie for dessert, guess what I did with what was left of the vanilla ice cream?? Yep, I figured oh well, it's just a little bit and I don't want to waste it... aarrgghhh! Echoes of past squirrelly thinking!! That should've been my first red flag. But... I didn't catch it.

Later that night (we had gone out for a late lunch), I was hungry again. Reeaalll huuunnngry. For something sweet. I started out with "just one" homemade sugar-free flour-free mini-muffin. Ended up eating them all!!!! By the time bedtime rolled around, I had consumed around 3000 calories for the day. Say what?!?!?! I still didn't connect this with the sugar. I mean, it hadn't been that much.

Anyway, some of us have substances that we react to. If you don't, feel blessed. You can eat all things in moderation, and it's no biggee. But I am very carb sensitive. I wish that some day it would change, and I can be in the "all things in moderation" camp. I just want to be "normal". After this episode, and it taking the rest of the week to get it out of my system and calmed back down, I'm not so sure it will ever change. I just don't know. Maybe in time, maybe never. 

But I've decided that if that's the price I need to pay to be healthy, then so be it. There are worse things. :-} 

Any time we have a goal, a dream, a desire, especially a hard one to reach, there might be "hard" things we need to be willing to do. I am finally getting that, I think. And not pouting and whining "it's not fair", like I used to. It is what it is.

If I were going to medical school to become a doctor, I'd have to give up free play time and buckle down to some hard study time and a hard work schedule. It might be hard, but it would be worth it.

If my dream were to be a marathon runner, I'd have to get my tush up off the couch and work hard at training. But it would be worth it.

If I were trying to change a lifetime of addictive food behavior and lose a gob of weight and get healthy... oh wait, that IS my goal!! 

So why should it surprise me that it will take a ton of consistent hard work to achieve it? Why has it taken me sooo many years for it to be okay with me that I might have to give up something, to let go of some preferences, to be okay with a "restriction" or two, or not rebel at telling myself NO!!!

Sometimes I just need to remind myself "it's time to grow up."

From Dr Phil's book: "I believe that what works in your life works because you make it work. You succeed because you make the right choices, you choose the right attitude, and you enact the right behavior to generate the right results. It is you who must create the life you want. And the choice is yours to make."

My verse for today: "For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth."

My quote for today: "Let us not be content to wait and see what will happen, but give us the determination to make the right things happen." --Peter Marshall

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 630

DAY 239 Chocolate Jackalopes & My Later List

Hello Journal & Friends,

I've been noticing something the last few days... even weeks... as I've been traveling around Bloggyland. The angst level has risen again, the way it did around Christmas. Only this time is has to do with Easter goodies. You know... favorite candies, gooey filled chocolate animal shapes, creme filled eggs, and those adorable/creepy Peeps. And favorite prepared dishes of all sorts. 

Some just taste fabulous... others bring back memories of traditions and loved ones. 

There are those people who are fine with a moderate serving. They enjoy it and move on... no biggee. 

Then there are those that react to the tastes, smells, and memories, and it causes them to fall off the wagon.  So they choose to skip it til later in their journey.

And there are those that physically can't handle the sugar hit, and choose not to sabotage themselves by eating it, even at a holiday. They have more important priorities than a temporary party in the mouth. I am in that camp. I haven't eaten sugar since March 16th, 2009.

There are many different roads leading to Thinsville. We all need to find the one that we can travel successfully... personalize it and make it our own. What we do NOT need to do is put down the path taken by the other guy. 

Sadly, I've read too many blogs trumping their own method at the expense of others... using words like ridiculous, silly, and... worse. Those who can eat sugar without side-effects don't need stategies to resist it. Luckily for them, they can just eat a little and stop. 

But listen up: there is research showing that about half the overweight population can NOT handle sugar. They are sensitive to it, in varying degrees. From insulin resistant to full-blown diabetic. So remember, one size does NOT fit all. Okay, off my soapbox now. ;-)

Back to Easter candy....as I read blog after blog after blog... lamenting all their favorites, and either struggling to resist, or caving in and eating something not on their chosen plan, or in amounts not permitted on their plan... I realized something: I haven't been tempted with these goodies in ages!

I didn't drool over Halloween bite-sized Snickers, caramel covered apples, or candy corn.

I survived Thanksgiving just fine without overstuffing myself with mashed potatoes and gallons of gravy, and two or three servings of pie with whipped cream.

I wasn't daydreaming for Christmas cinnamon swirls, egg nog, and mountains of baked yummies.

I didn't miss Valentine's chocolates one bit.

And I was not tempted to run out and buy Chocolate Jackalopes and Peeps for Easter, as though there was going to be a world shortage and this would be my last chance.

I asked myself why? What has changed? Do I still enjoy this stuff?? Sure, it still tastes good, smells good, looks good. 

But my PRIORITIES have changed. I am willing to WAIT on filling my mouth with yummies now, in order to have a bigger prize later.

And then I remembered... my "trick". 

You see, back in March of 2009, it was not all easy peasy. It was TOUGH to say no to an appetite that had been coddled and catered to for all it's spoiled life. I had tried and failed sooo many times, and just had to do it different this time. No way was I going to commit to "never" having my favorites again. Forget that noise!!

So I made a "deal" with myself. I started a list, calling it my 

Later List 

Any time I wanted to eat a thing that was not on my plan, I wrote it down on my Later List. Here is that actual list... you can see it's nothing fancy:

So now you know all my weaknesses, LOL!

And it was not phoney. I really meant it... that later, I could have anything on that list. I just could not have it NOW, at the time I wrote it down. But it was like a contract, and by putting it on that list, I had a deal, I could have it later. Do I have treats now? Of course, but not with sugar in them, which is like a crave-inducing drug to me. 

It worked. I was able to put my urges down into writing, and NOT eat them. Yes, it was just one of many tools. I also did other things, like ask myself the question as to WHY I wanted to eat... 

What was I feeling? 

What emotion was I trying to numb? 

Why did I want to stuff my face instead of facing my stuff?

But this piece of paper was a very helpful tool in my arsenal, so I thought I'd share it. I haven't used it in about 5 months, and actually forgot about it until last night. 

It seemed the HABIT of not immediately caving into those urges finally took hold, and a new healthy habit of good choices took it's place. Yay!!! Progress!

From Dr Phil's book: "It's about changing yourself from the inside out."

My verse for today: "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

My quote for today: "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." --Wayne Dyer

DAY 8 Protect Your Success & No Whining!

Hi Journal,

Finally! It is my first weekly weigh-in day since my big ReStart. I was so excited this morning, I could hardly wait!

And the answer is: 384, meaning I lost 4 lbs this last week. Yay!!! I am hoping to keep up a good momentum, so that by my next birthday in Jan 2010, I can finally bust out of the 3's into the 2's...that is one of my medium range goals.

Well, the next topic on my "need to be CONSISTENT" list required me to ask hubby's permission to "talk about him"...mwa-ha ha ha ha... Actually, he didn't keep the worried look on his face too long, once I explained the whole topic.

It has to do with "not letting anyone rob my success from me"...an un-eloquent way of saying saboteur, one who engages in sabotage. But I always need to drag out the dictionary every darned time I try to type saboteur, so I'll just stick to "not letting anyone rob my success from me"! :-D

Anyway, Dr Phil's book has a long chapter on different types of saboteurs, and ways to deal with them. I'll just stick to my life...and close to home, the one that impacts my life the most, MyGuy.

You see, I USED to think of him as a saboteur...and how convenient was that...my own living, breathing excuse! Don't you feel sorry for my situation?? I don't have support at home... oh poor me. And the classic: it's HAARRRDDD.

When I made the big decision to switch to the Low Carb way of eating, the advice was the same everywhere: get the stuff OUT of your house that might tempt you. But they don't address the "mixed" households...ones where one or more persons--of voting age--are NOT eating low carb. Umm...he's not a child...I can't order him what to eat...he is a grown man with his own preferences.

We sat down and had a talk, and I explained to my husband that I was going to eat low carb, and why...that this was life or death for me, and I NEEDED to do this. After some thought, he looked me right in the eye, and said: "I LOVE my carbs...I am not giving up my carbs!"

Though I kept it to myself, for awhile I felt sabotaged (yep, I looked in the dictionary again). I was such a martyr...I told my doctor of my new plan, and the "lack of support" at home, and the RESISTANCE I felt I always got when trying to change...and oh! what sympathy I got!

But the more I thought about it...and whined to God...the more I realized that I had no right to expect him to change just because I needed to, or even that HE needed to shed a couple of pounds himself. Did I like someone else imposing their plan on ME?? Did I like the feeling of subtle criticism that comes when you know someone else doesn't approve of your choices??

I think God finally got through to me one day after I was whining to Him about it, and I suddenly thought about exercise...and resistance training. You know...the kind with rubber resistance bands. It takes RESISTANCE to build muscle. No resistance, no progress, no increase in strength. I then remembered what Maya Angelou said:

If you don't like it..change it.

If you can't change it,

change the way you think about it!

So, I could look at MyGuy's resistance to my new way of eating as

an OPPORTUNITY to get stronger!

He has actually been very patient with me, as I have made the switch. There were foods--and still are some--that I just can't be around without feeling them call my name! He has not complained about the sudden cessation of homebaked desserts...and I am determined not to complain when he brings "stuff" home, as long as he doesn't wave it under my nose. :-)

I have had to learn to live with the "enemy" right in my own home...no, not MyGuy...I mean the carbs that I overate all my life, that were the reason I ended up at 460 lbs at one time! It took me a long time to see the pattern...that ALL of my problem foods were heavy in carbs, whether they were sweets or savory. The common denominator was carbs.

But this has made my resolve stronger in the long run. My struggle now is not the carbs...I am doing pretty well there. No sugar or flour type stuff since March 09. Now I am working on portion sizes of the things that I AM eating. For awhile I fell into the trap of thinking "it's okay, it's low carb", and eating way too much!! Gee, wonder why I've been slow to lose weight....Ya think??

Anyway, it's all about choices. I don't want to use ANYONE as an excuse to be robbed of my success...not family, friends, doctors...anyone. So I chose to change the way I thought about the resistance. As Michael Beckwith says:

"In every life circumstance,

look for the Blessin' or the Lesson".

It turned out to be a Blessing that MyGuy offered what I perceived as resistance...it made me stronger.

It turned out the Lesson was that "one size does NOT fit all"...meaning that just because low carb is for ME, does not mean it is for everyone. And I have no business expecting a grown man to follow MY choices just because that would make it easier for me, or even because I think it would be healthier for him.

I have learned a lot from Lisa at her 24-7 Low Carb Diner blog. She cooks for herself and her "boys", but they are not all low-carbers. She does NOT make two separate meals, but has learned how to make a couple of add-ons to the main meal, or a simple tweak, so they are all happy. And she shares all that in her blog and her wonderful e-book cookbook, which I bought. She designed it so she would not have to spend her LIFE in the kitchen cooking, and the recipes are geared so that you have stuff already made for a couple of more meals...planned left-overs if you will. I appreciate all that I have learned from her.

And shock of shocks...MyGuy asked me last night about the jellos that he has been having me make for him to take to work. He said "they are actually just jelled sugar, right?? Is there a way to make them without the sugar?" (we don't use sugar-free-full-of-aspartame products in our house... if you'd like to know why, click here ). So I get to make him some of MY jello, using knox gelatin, and see what he thinks...baby steps, baby steps. :-)

So, Week 2 is off an' running...I feel encouraged.

From Dr Phil's book: With routines..."you design your life so that it pulls for you when you're weak, when you're not pumped up, when you don't feel like behaving maturely, when you don't want to tell yourself 'no'."

My verse for today: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"

My quote for today: "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...You must do the thing you cannot do." --Eleanor Roosevelt

Enjoy the Journey...one good choice at a time,

Loretta

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