MAR 6th Sabotage, Strength & Surveys

Hi Journal & Friends,

If you've been blogging for any time at all, then you're probably just like me: you get emails asking you to endorse, promote, join, or otherwise become involved in all kinds of stuff. 99.9% of the time, I can't hit the DELETE button fast enough.

But today I received one that I feel passionate about! Surprise, surprise. So I'm going to promote it, and ask YOU to care, too. :-)

What's it about? 

Sabotage 

Specifically, sabotage of our weight loss efforts by our significant others.

Why do I feel so strongly about it? Because when I finally discovered the nutritional path that was healthy and doable for ME, my hubby (bless his pea-pickin heart) dug in his heels and--without meaning to--tried to sabotage me. For my health, I needed to stop eating sugar and flour. Period. That was March of 2009.

I was committed, determined and wholehearted in my decision to DO this.

He was equally committed, determined and wholehearted in his refusal to join me!!

So much so, that he'd bring home huge trays of giant muffins. Or a large flat of a favorite dessert of mine, baklava. 

Or several gallons of premium Dreyers ice cream. 

You get the idea.

At first I was such a martyr!! 

Then I was mad. 

Then I was full of self pity. 

Then... as I was bellyaching to God one day, I realized I had a choice. I could just keep on suffering and go down in flames, OR,  I could see this as an OPPORTUNITY TO GET STRONGER.

I chose the opportunity to get stronger. Every time he gave me resistance, it was akin to lifting weights. At the gym, resistance training builds muscles. And THIS resistance was strengthening my commitment muscle. Nothing, no one, was going to take this from me! 

Yes, I stumble now and then as far as the quantity that I eat. I've never hidden that fact. I'm working to get consistent with that. But the commitment to not eat sugar and flour has STUCK from day one, in spite of attempts at sabotage. 

That's the message I feel so strongly about: YOU CAN DO THIS regardless of your home situation. 

Regardless of who is criticizing you, or giving you resistance. Regardless of lack of support in your "real life". I didn't have it either. But I had all you great bloggy friends, and that helped tremendously! Heck, I even have my very own troll, who helps me to examine what I really believe, thus making me stronger! :-D

So what's this email thing I was talking about??

There is a lady named Amanda Harp, a PhD candidate at Clark University, who is asking for volunteers to participate in her survey on sabotage from significant others. She is close to collecting enough data, and just needs a few more volunteers to finish her research. 

I'm going to do it, and thought some of you might want to, also. 

If you can answer yes to these 4 questions, then you qualify to participate:

1)  Are you at least 18 years of age?
2)  Have you been participating in a weight loss program for the last 5 consecutive weeks?
3)  Have you been in a committed, cohabitating relationship for the last two years?
4)  Do you ever feel like your partner/spouse gets in the way of your weight loss?  

Here's the pertinent info and links:

--The Study info 

--It is an anonymous survey, and cannot be traced back to you

--After you finish the survey, she will donate $1 to a charity you choose from the following:

Playworks 

The Carter Center 

Susan G Komen for the Cure  

MAP International (the one I'm choosing) 

--She is also offering participants to opt in for a drawing for one of 10 gift cards, or you may choose to also donate that amount to your charity. I think that's a nice thing. :-)

I wish Amanda well in her studies!

Again, here is the main link to participate. 

PS: Just so you know, my sweetie is now very supportive and even tries to enjoy some of the yummy "alternative" things I cook.

My book quote for today: "I extend to you in invitation to meet your true self... and explore the adventure that is your life. There are challenges... but for the warrior, they are opportunities to see how far you can go and what you are absolutely capable of being." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare."

My quote for today: "The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do." --Bill Phillips

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 932

JAN 3rd I'm Stubborn! Are You??

Good afternoon Journal & Friends,

Okay... so here's what I was thinking the other day:

Stubbornness 

can be a good thing 

It all depends how you use it. Recently I was feeling Stubborn, so for the fun of it I put on the donkey earrings my sister made for me.

I am stubbornly believing that even though I'm not a young chick, I can still lose weight and get healthier.

I am stubbornly clinging to my opinion that it's the MENTAL ASPECT of this journey that will be the deal breaker. Too Busy to work on that? Ignore it at your own peril.

I am stubbornly determined to ignore the people that say I must be "realistic" about my goals to get out of a wheelchair. Not only do I want to ditch the wheelchair, I want to go on to someday ditch the walker and then the canes!

I am stubbornly protective of my way of eating, not giving in to societal pressures to "be polite". I don't DO sugar and flour. Period. If people don't like that, that's THEIR problem. I don't push it on others; they shouldn't push their junk on me. It's just what *I* need to do to reach my goals. 

I am stubbornly rejecting pity, disrespect or being patronized. I've finally learned to respect myself, so why would I allow less than that from others? I am kind when possible, but I stand up for myself now when needed. No apologies.

I am stubbornly NOT running with the "easy crowd" any longer. You know, the forums that talk and whine and pat each other on the back for repeatedly doing the opposite of what they claim to want: to lose weight and get healthy. I'm NOT talking about learning and growing, finding our own key, the whole process we all must go through. I AM talking about the "but" people. Those that whine over and over and over and OVER about the same thing, and when offered suggestions, ideas or advice, always respond with "yes BUT". That might be a clue they aren't ready to change. I recognize it ... because I used to BE one of them. I don't wanna be that way any more... I want to learn and change.

I am stubbornly determined to succeed. To claim 2012 as MY YEAR. To make amazing, astounding, fantastic and COLLOSAL progress this year! 

I am stubbornly going to be DEAF to the Naysayers and Eyebrow Raisers that think if you reach up for a huge goal you must be either stupid, arrogant, or setting yourself up for a huge, humbling and disappointing failure.

Why?? 

Why must excitement and determination be equated with cockiness?

 Why are we afraid to declare our intentions of victory with certainty?

 Why are we scared to stick our necks out, boldly and with passion?

I'll tell you why: because we are gauging our chances of success by our PAST failures. 

I am stubbornly refusing to do that any longer. My past failures are no longer the yardstick by which I am measuring my future. I am breaking that sucker in half... SNAP!

Sure, I've made a lot of mistakes in my past efforts. But I've also done some stuff right. So I am drawing upon THOSE victories. I am building a New History from them. I've found a lot of things that DO work for me, and will use them as my tools. Successful things about exercise, nutrition, and the mental stuff. Those make up my NEW yardstick.

I am going to be STUBBORN in 2012 

And that's a good thing

PS: If  you missed my poll on Sunday, I'd love it if you did a quick skim of that post, HERE, and left a comment with your suggestion. I'm going to tally and submit them soon. Thanks!

From Dr Phil's book: "That's your priority. You must hold yourself to a higher standard now. You cannot be wishy washy."

My verse for today: "But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."

My quote for today: "When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves." --Viktor Frankl

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 869

DEC 11th If I Don't Get Tuff... I'm Gonna Die Fat??

Hidy Ho Journal & Friends,

Ever read or hear something that you LOVE... and HATE at the same time?!! 

You love the parts you agree with, and hate the parts you are convinced he got wrong? You find youself arguing with your iPod as you listen to the interview?

You'd love to "straighten this guy out" so his message could be improved, and that way he could help more folks. But he is convinced that those that are upset by his message are "just making excuses".

So... he has closed his OWN thinking off, to seeing a different perspective that might have validity, which could actually improve his message. 

Sigh... I debated even writing about all this, since it's so frustrating. But I will. :-D

Because I decided, FOR ME, to be teachable and "eat the meat and spit out the bones."  This guy has some good stuff. Really good stuff.

He does have good ideas, albeit presented in a blunt way. I don't think he's trying to be mean or mocking, like some internet bullies I've crossed swords with... no, to me his heart seems in the right place.

Enough vagueness. His name is Steve Siebold, and he makes his living as a motivational speaker. The core of all his messages have to do with MENTAL TOUGHNESS.

And this time, he wrote a book after he gained 40 pounds, then lost it. It's called

Die Fat or Get Tough: 

101 Differences in Thinking 

Between Fat People and Fit People.

Yeah, he likes to use shock value to "break through the walls of self-delusion". I suppose that works with some personality types. His main idea is to smack you in the face with the differences between how Fat People think versus how Fit People think. Unfortunately his blunt approach repulses as many people as it reaches. The poor guy has even had death threats!!!

Disclaimer: I have not read the book. Why?? Because after reading a ton of reviews on Amazon.com, reading excerpts at his website (you can get the first 5 chapters for free), and listening to several interviews with Steve, I get the gist of it. I get it. I really do. And agree 100% with the mental aspects of his message. My own summary of his book would be something like: You made the choices that broke it, and you have the power to fix it. It's time to grow up, and make healthy choices. You can DO this!  

To me, that message is empowering, and I can get behind it. The part that drives me NUTSO in his approach is that he doesn't take into account that we were told by all the authorities for a LIFETIME that eating a certain way (low fat and lots of "healthy" whole grains and high carbs) was THE way to lose weight and get healthy. And now we are a fatter, sicker nation, with a raging diabetes epidemic. That's no excuse. It's the truth. Some of us tried for years, but it was like swimming upstream against a hard current... exhausting and not making much progress.

I was put on my first diet at age 10. That's FIFTY YEARS AGO!!!!! :-O  I searched and searched for a sustainable "diet", and tried, literally, several dozen. It's not just a matter of being fat and lazy. Some of us really tried. But were working with the wrong information. Did we go through times of despair, and just give up for a time?? Did we choose to eat food to affect our emotions, to bring relief, escape, or a thousand other reasons? 

Yes, we did. Or we wouldn't be fat. 

Yes, *I* did, or I wouldn't be fat.

Do you have any idea how hard it is not to be sucked totally down the drain of hopelessness and self-loathing, after trying and failing that many times??? 

But to our credit, we didn't give up permanently. We tried to learn. We got up and went ON. 

He seems to know nothing about metabolism or the science behind weight loss. The best book I've read on that lately is by Gary Taubes: Why We Get Fat and What To Do About It.  It's not a rah rah motivational book. It's full of solid science and facts. I highly recommend it.

Do any of Steve's arguments apply?? Yes, of course. But I'm just saying, he's too simplistic, that's all. Anyway, back to the part of his message that I DO agree with, the mental stuff. 

Basically, after all the legitimate factors are accounted for, we are left with: NOW WHAT?? What am I going to DO about it? 

And I agree with him, that it takes mental toughness. (Now for all you Christians out there, cool your jets. :-) My Rock, my Strength comes from God. I'm talking here not about the spiritual foundation we all need... but about what we allow ourself to think about, which plays out in our actions. Now that we have THAT cleared up...)

Mental toughness

Hmmm...  that's actually a term I've puzzled over for many years! Long before it became sort of popular now, and the topic du jour of todays motivational speakers.

So... I decided to be teachable. To not get offended. To not accept the parts he missed the mark on, and accept the parts where he hit the bullseye. He lost his weight in his late 30's, and is still learning. So in time, I'll bet his message is tempered with experience and wisdom. 

In the mean time, here are some quotes I transcribed directly from an interview with Steve Siebold that I heard on HCL BlogTalkRadio, hosted by Audley Stephenson (no relation to moi).

• Make a decision. 
• Make a decision you're going to do this... if you do the work, you'll see the results. 
• This is not complicated... make a decision and take responsibility.
• If you're going to program yourself for success, you've got to do what successful people do.
• Don't feel bad about yourself, don't beat yourself up. Just make a decision that you're going to solve it.
• There's really no staying neutral. You're going to either have to solve it, or you're probably going to die fat.
• Study how fit people think, they really think differently that fat people.
• Study as many world class experts on health and fitness as you can.
• Beginning today, invest 15 minutes a day studying an expert you respect.
• When your beliefs start to change, your behavior starts to follow your beliefs.
• Self-talk is very powerful.
• This is not about being comfortable. This is about being successful. There's a difference!

You can go to Amazon.com  and click on Look Inside, and read several pages for yourself. I'd be curious to read what others in our online wt loss community think about it. I mean, we are already working on it, or we wouldn't be here. So I have to wonder if our reaction would be different than someone who is NOT actively working on it. I kinda think it would sting!

So in summary: 

I do NOT agree with him when he denies there are legitimate factors that affect our weight loss attempts. 

I DO agree we can't be successful if we allow those factors to make us victims. 

I DO agree we need to ask NOW WHAT? and get on with solving it. 

I DO agree that how we think is absolutely crucial, and that's where I can learn from him.

To be fair, here's Steve's website,  so he gets the last word. 

;-)

From Dr Phil's book: "Change your thinking to change your weight."

My verse for today: "Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle."

My quote for today: "You must do the things you think you cannot do." --Eleanor Roosevelt

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 847

SEPT 8th I Can Do Hard Things, too

Hello Journal & Friends,

Yesterday I spent a lot of time gritting my teeth and quoting Chris over and over to myself: I can do hard things! Ever see that in the side bar at A Deliberate Life??

I Can Do Hard Things

See, yesterday I was at the dentist. And it was NOT going well. A very painful session, for multiple reasons I won't bore you with. Here is what I look like TODAY (sorry for the glare on my computer glasses, I forgot to take them off):

And that's just the OUTside... the inside feels worse.

I wanted to console myself with food... isn't that what "we" do??? But luckily for me, the whole lower half of my mouth was throbbing all day yesterday. So I actually ate very little. Add in a fight with MyGuy... and it was a terrific day (yes... read sarcasm there).

And since I couldn't calm the storm with food... I felt it all. And guess what?? The physical pain was nuthin in comparison to the mental/emotional pain. But... I survived.

My point?? It was amazing to me how much it helped me to zone out at the dentists office, by thinking about Chris and her mantra: 

I Can Do Hard Things

I've read it there before, on her blog. But I resisted being a copycat. My ego wanted to be oh-so-original and come up with my own snazzy saying. Well... phooey. Why re-invent the wheel?? Why try to improve on perfection?? And that mantra is perfect for me right now, at this stage of my Becoming, my Changing.

I Can Do Hard Things

Yesterday came on the heels of a couple of horrible eating days, by the way. I've been reading Wheat Belly, by Dr William Davis (see HERE for the review by Dana Carpender that convinced me to buy it). 

And I had a ridiculous reaction to it... something triggered in my head, and I went nutso! Like my favorite drug was threatened, and I had to eat it all before it was too late. The weird thing is... I wasn't eating that many wheat products on a regular basis. Maybe a couple of low carb tortillas a week, and occasionally some store bought sugar free baked goods as a treat... an occasional piece of high fiber bread or cracker. What they call "bridge foods", that help you stay on your journey while in transition. Those of you farther along than I am probably don't eat them any longer, and that's fine by me. Someday I, too, will probably get there. But right now I'm not fussing over it. But from now on... they can't contain wheat!

Anne at CarbTripper had a post recently talking about how we can get anxious over change, even when we KNOW the change is for our own good. I could identify with what she wrote! 

Well... I haven't finished the book yet, but I sure have a lot of symptoms mentioned in it. And if not eating wheat can help me heal, physically, then even though I find it hard, it's a small price to pay for improved health. So, for now, I have decided to DELETE THE WHEAT.... because I Can Do Hard Things! 

From Dr Phil's book: "Stay real and stay flexible. Control problem foods."

My verse for today: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

My quote for today: "Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do." --Goethe

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 753

AUG 8th Perspective & Bouncing Right Back

Good afternoon Journal & Friends,

You know how you start out to write a post with one thing on your mind, and then get sidetracked?? That happened to me this morning. I visited Yellow Rose Jasmines blog "A Yellow Rose of Texas". What an amazing lady! It's a long story, but in short she had a tough start in life. But she overcame it, broke the cycle that had oppressed the women in her family, and is striving to live a healthy, loving and full life. And she gives from her heart, so others in her family can break free, also. That's a simplistic overview, sure, but it will help you see why I was so touched by her posts. 

(I asked Jim for one of his favorite yellow rose photos 

that he has taken, and he gave me this one)

And it also helped me to gain perspective. In last Friday's post (here) I wrote in general about playing to our Strengths... finding them, embracing them, and helping them grow. Today I wanted... needed... to follow up and look for some of my own specific Strengths. 

Sunday was Jim's birthday, and we had a fun day. Yet at the same time I was frustrated about my lack of progress, and just said phooey, and didn't try. :-(  

Consequently, I ate a gazillion calories! Birthday cheesecake (sugar free, but still high calorie), dinner out, you get the picture.  Sigh...

That was yesterday. Today is today. And the journey continues.

I can't afford to stop and wallow, to make excuses or stay off track. It might make me feel good temporarily to be patted on the head with "oh you poor thang, pat pat pat"... but all that does is keep me down and feeling powerless and like a victim. In other words, it doesn't help! I just can't afford it.

So... today I want to think of a Strength, and choose to go ON. Which Strength?? I suppose the most fitting to the situation... 

I have finally learned 

to bounce back quickly, 

and keep going! 

To NOT wallow for long in self pity, and do even MORE damage. To continue, to accept that I screwed up and not make excuses, and immediately get up and GO ON. I think that qualifies as a Strength. :-} So... today will be a GOOD day.

From Dr Phil's book: "Be a part of the group who have the courage and determination to stay in the light."

My verse for today: "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always."

My quote for today: "I've always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come. I don't do things half-heartedly because I know if I do, I can expect half-hearted results." --Michael Jordan

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 722