JUNE 14th Strawberries, Sharks & Tears of Joy

Hello Journal & Friends,

For some of you, being told you needed a Size 3X dress would bring on tears of horror!! 

But for me... I had tears of joy. Yesterday was Jim's day off, and we went shopping and goofing off together. I got all dressed up and tried on a new lavendar dress, to see if it fit yet. YES!! It was a 3X. 

I've been buying clothing occasionally on clearance, but always in sizes too small for me yet. And I got this one a couple of months ago. It's been 26 YEARS since I've been able to wear a 3X!! When I was 460 pounds, I could barely squeeze into the largest 6X's that the Lane Bryant catalog sold. So... this is extremely encouraging to me.

While we were at WalMart, I spurged on some silly party plates to eat my lunches on.

For lunch today Tinkerbell and I had a small piece of the sugar free pie we also bought there.

And we couldn't forget Joey! Here is her new squeaky toy, which she loves:

We also picked strawberries yesterday...our barrel planter is overflowing with ripe strawberries, finally. Yay!

You know how you work hard, and wait, and expect results from your efforts...yet sometimes those results are not always exactly what you expected?? Hmmmm...

It's been a whole month since I started my Secret September Challenge. Wow... and we have both benefited so much! We've hit and overcome that "wall", where the honeymoon phase is over and the routine sets in. 

We've discovered some weaknesses we each need to work on, and I've had some new realizations that I think are going to help me go forward and make progress.

One of them is that my perceptions are skewed. REALLY SKEWED. Remember, I started up there pretty high, at 460 pounds. And when you are that overweight so long, I think it messes with your head... at least it did for me. 

What *I* think is normal, is not. 

What *I* perceive as bigger or smaller, is not.

What *I* feel is more or is less, is not the same as other people.

A perfect example: my new lavendar dress. I am sooo excited to be "down" to a 3X. Yet most of you would be aghast if you found yourself in a 3X. It's all in the perceptions. 

And... I think that's been working against me. 

Both my Secret Challenge partner and I have been having trouble ratcheting down the calories. And I finally realized just recently it's because, TO ME, the 1600 I was aiming for SEEMED VERY SMALL. But that was because I was--without realizing it--comparing it to what I USED to eat.

What I USED to eat was abnormal, not normal. Okay... intellectually, that's obvious. But I'm talking here about feelings... senses... perceptions... emotional reactions, whatever you call it.

I was using an ABNORMAL YARDSTICK as my comparison. I need to change my perceptions. To compare to a healthy, normal, moderate amount. 

I have the same trouble with portion sizes. A "normal" portion seems mighty tiny when I am hungry!! Yet invariably afterwards I am satisfied. But beforehand, it didn't "look" like very much. Again, I was comparing to the amounts I USED to eat. Skewed perceptions.

I know this will take time... to get so used to a new thing that it becomes my New Normal. But that's what I'm working on. Visualizing, accepting, enjoying, embracing and celebrating a Healthy New Normal. 

From Dr Phil's book: "Having specific, carefully mapped out, vividly envisioned goals is an absolute requirement for success."

My verse for today: "...put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love."

My quote for today: "If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell." --Lance Armstrong

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 669

Day 388 Day of Rest & Favorite (?) Photo

Hi Journal & Friends,

Well, I'm not sure if I'd call this a "favorite" photo! But I did stumble upon another lost "before" photo. They are hard to come by, since I never wanted a camera aimed my way!

First, for comparison, I have a picture showing the absolute lowest I ever got (as a semi-adult) when I was 16 years old:

And here is the infamous Lost Before pic:

And this is one was from August of this year, when I was 330 lbs:

I can see the changes in my face finally, but honestly, when I look at that middle photo, the rest of me still looks so much like it that it can be a little demoralizing. I suppose the solution is... don't LOOK at it! LOL!

Today's Peek at the Past (The quote for the day from one year ago really hit me today!)

From Day 27, September 5, 2009:

 "You'll never achieve extraordinary results taking average measures."   

 --Skwigg

(For complete post "Power to Change " click HERE) 

Enjoy the Journey & Labor Day weekend,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 258 The New Chapter Has Begun! & Challenge Week 5 Update

Hi Journal & Friends!

First, Spring Challenge Business:

 Here is a Summary of the Spring Challenge,   and while it's too late to be eligible for the prize drawing at the end, anyone is welcome to join anytime, if you would like a boost to your journey. The challenge helps me focus, to have clearly defined mini-goals,  offers accountability that gives me that extra oomph needed at times to DO what I need to do, even when I don't wanna!

Spring Challenge Warriors: go ahead and put the link to your weekly update, whatever day you chose, here in Saturday's comment section, so we can be together and find one another.

Overall goal of the Challenge:

"The goal of this challenge is to teach yourself to look at your new behaviors positively, to learn to be nicer to yourself and believe in yourself, to learn to enjoy healthy behaviors and learn some moderation. A little balance. It's important. More important to learn than the extremes - too much and deprivation." --from Mary, at Wistful Nebulae

Okay... on to my own  weekly check-in...

My Spring Challenge goals:

1. Every day for the next 13 weeks, do some kind of Exercise.

2. Every day for the next 13 weeks, drink a Greenie.

3. Check in every Saturday.

4. Tell one thing each week that I like about myself.

5. Save up to buy myself a fun Reward at the end.

My Exercise: Zilch. Still weak, but getting stronger every day. As soon as my lungs clear of congestion, I'm cleared to start exercising again.

My Greenies: Just starting up again, today. I'll admit, it's been hard to eat, since I have no sense of taste. This cold/cough stole my tastebuds! 

One thing I like about myself: I'm happy when others succeed, especially at this weight loss and getting healthy thing. I'm not jealous, but look to see what I can learn from them. There's enough success to go around for every one!

For my Reward: Still tucking away money in my glass bear jar.

Remember, we want progress, not perfection.

(List of Challenge Members HERE)

Now, I am going to BURST if I don't tell you about the beginning to the New Chapter in my journey. 

I have had a certain goal for the LAST 20 YEARS: to just be "normal", and be able to weigh in at the doctors office on their scale. 

Yesterday, I did it!!

It's hard to explain why this means so much to me... I almost cried right there in the office. To finally, FINALLY achieve this mini-goal is significant to me. It makes it "real". I have busted through my mini-goal of getting down past 350 AND weighing in at the docs office... two for one!! 

Jim was trying to protect me from disappointment, since it was going to be close, and I almost let him talk me into waiting. Then, I remember things that I, myself had written.

To live BOLDLY.

To reach for the moon; even if you miss you will still be among the stars.

To DARE GREATLY.

I told myself if I try and miss, yes I will be disapointed. But so what?? I'll survive. And will try again. It would only be a delay, not a fail.

But I made it! And here is the proof, LOL!! Can ya tell I'm excited???? :-D

From Dr Phil's book: "Your thoughts powerfully program you."

My verse for today: "When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted."

My quote for today: "When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." --Peter Marshall

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

Progess Pics

This will be the official home of the Progress Pics... and someday, I will get to rename it to Before and After Photos!
 
I will just add more photos here in one place as I have them to share, with the link in the sidebar, so they will be easy to find. I don't know about other people, but one of the first things I look at are the Before and After photos! I find them sooo encouraging.

I've been on this journey a LONG time, finding what really works for me. If you've struggled and been up and down, please, NEVER GIVE UP, always always keep going. I did a lot of things wrong... but that one thing, I did right: I never gave up!


So, here is what I have thus far (click on them to enlarge...posting thumbnails will enable the page to load faster):

Note: had several dental surgeries starting mid 2014, so as soon as all that is straightened out, will get an updated photo.

May 2016 at 340

July 2016 at 328


Update: Diagnosed with cancer and other stuff in 2016; medications that messed with hormones; gained wt; lost wt; gained wt, etc. Hard times.  Highest late last year in 2017 was around 360. It's been a wild ride, all over the map. Writing this in March 2018;  currently at around 343. So... just keep going. Never give in, never surrender.

Above: Feb 2019 at 270

Jan 2020 at 245

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 64 Feeling Spunky & The Missing Before Pic!

Day 64 of ReStart,  Monday  Oct 12, 09

Hello Journal,

Today is a New day! I am ready to continue this journey, refreshed and feeling spunky!

Monday is my regular weigh-in day: 369 lbs...so I re-lost that one pound gain from last week. Considering my 4 days of eating too much, I'll take it! As my Dad used to say...it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick! (good grief, where did these old sayings come from?!?!)

And in keeping with pokes in the eye...after WEEKS of searching, I finally found...drumroll....a BEFORE picture of me at nearly my highest weight, which was 460. This photo was around 450ish.

And I was not mugging for the camera...I really was annoyed that my husband was pointing that THING at me!! That is why it has been so hard to find a before pic...I avoided cameras like the plague. Who, at 460 pounds, wants to see themselves in a photograph??!  It is just a painful reminder... humiliating... embarrassing ...perpetuating the self-loathing, etc etc etc.

For comparison, I have include photos since then...I hope there is a noticable difference... it is hard for me to see it!

But NOW, I can post this thing, KNOWING I will never be at that painful place again. 

It has been a long and winding road for me...I will never win the "quickest weight loss award"... maybe the Yo-Yo Queen Award. BUT, my message for anyone struggling is...NEVER NEVER NEVER QUIT...Don't you dare quit!! Some of us have a lot to learn...a lot of issues...a lot to surrender...a lot of healing, and most of all, a lot of excuses!!

Today, however, I have hope. I have determination. I am on a journey to get my life back, and get out of my way, obstacles, or I'll run ya down!!

From Dr Phil's book: "Successful people do what unsuccessful people won't...you don't have to like them; you just have to do them."

My verse for today: "The end of a matter is better than it's beginning..."

My quote for today:  "When faced with a mountain, I will not quit! I will keep striving until I climb over, find a pass through, tunnel underneath or simply stay and turn the mountain into a gold mine, with God's help."--Robert Half

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=