March 28th Breaking the Chains of Fear

Been spending most of my time over at my art blog and creating a new website. 

Thinking.

Learning.

Pondering.

Questioning.

And listening for the answers.

After hearing a song called "No Longer Slaves" a few zillion times, I decided to actually believe the message.

"I'm no longer a slave to fear, 

I am a child of God."

Link for those interested: song on youtube

Fear? Me? naw.... yeah, right.

I've spent years at this health/weight loss blog. Writing, looking for answers. Reading and researching. Trying to learn. I found some things that worked for me, as long as I worked at them consistently.

Yet it never seemed to permanently take root. I had to constantly focus on it. It felt like it sucked all my time and energy. When was it going to be permanent?? 

I knew most the mechanics of it, this "losing weight thing". So... I decided to put it on auto-pilot. And I spent my best energy over at my art. And waited. 

I floundered around awhile. Gained some. Lost some (thankfully, I'm on the losing end of that now). I tried to just do the basics I knew, and focus on the thing I felt I was here to do: to do something, anything, in art. 

To make something, anything, that might be a blessing to someone else. To bring a smile, to enrich or add value to someones life.

Oh, and those fears?? Well, let's see...

Fear of sounding pompous or self-important by wanting to make art that would actually be a blessing to someone.

Fear of putting it out there, to be accepted or rejected.

Fear of being judged in the art world, the way I've been judged in the "weight loss" world.

Fear of trying and failing, of never making art in the real world the way it looks in my imagination.

Fear that it really IS too late.

Fear of going against the mainstream of what is "popular" in art circles nowadays.

And how's this one: fear that some will think this post is a clever marketing trick to get ya'll to go visit my new art site. 

Anyway, I decided it's time to let the fears go, the best I can. Let go of all the fears that kept me for YEARS from making a serious art website where I sell my art. 

To let go of the fear of mentioning it, because I was afraid people would think I was using them... trolling for customers. All that squirrelly thinking that held me back.

And now that I actually DID take action, I am more at peace and happier with myself, and finding it not "quite" so hard to do those healthy basics I mentioned earlier.

I suspect I will need to work on eating healthy more than the average bear for the rest of my life. But...  now that my focus is on something that brings me joy and a reason to get up in the morning, methinks it won't be such a grind. Well, I can hope! 

:-D

I encourage anyone, everyone who is on this quest to get healthy to find YOUR path. Your own answers. Never give up looking. 

And find your passion, the thing that lights you up inside. That gives you a feeling of purpose. For too long I put that aside, thinking I had to have this weight loss thing all squared away before I could really pursue my dreams. WAY too long. As in, years. 

Learn from my mistakes, and live your best life NOW. Live on purpose NOW. :-)

Enjoy the journey (not just the destination),

Retta

MAY 17th Pressing On

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to never give up, never surrender. 

And there are those days when I just need to counter the doubts and fears with Truth.

A favorite verse of mine that I find encouraging is:

"Those who hope in the Lord 
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Is 40:31


Enjoy the journey,

Loretta

Mar 12th A Peach Tree Named Frosty

This journey to health is not a "success only" deal. Well, at least not for me. And from what I read out there in Bloggyland, not for lots of ya'll. We have our ups and downs. But WE. KEEP. GOING.

Three years ago in my back yard we planted a little peach tree. We had such high hopes for Frosty (yes, we actually named her; and yes, she's a girl). The first year, we had 3 absolutely DIVINE peaches. No comparison whatsoever taste-wise with store bought. Heavenly!

Then, the trials started. 

My husband had worked in a peach orchard as a teen, and thought he knew "enough" to successfully do this. Uh, it was harder than we thought. 

Long story short: surprise low temps killed most of the buds one year; some bugs ate up others one year; we didn't prune correctly and lost some key branches another year... on it goes.

But we haven't given up on Frosty. While she doesn't look very lush and promising on top, under the ground her roots are growing deeper. We feed and water her, and do our best with what we know at the time. And have hope for improvement in fruit yield, this coming year.

And so it goes with this weight loss journey. 

I had done this weight loss thing SO many times in my life, I thought I knew "enough" to successfully do it this time. But yes, it was harder than I thought. I won't repeat all the set backs here... that's not the point.

The point is: I haven't given up. 

I'm working on "feeding and watering" my mind, body and spirit, and have hope that in due season, I will have some good fruit.

In the meantime, I've made mistakes; had setbacks; detours; weight regains; weight losses; then regains... sigh. I've been sorting out some "stuff", with not a lot to say here. :-}

Yes, I've been discouraged lately. But I can stay there, wallowing in self-pity. Or, I can replace those thoughts with good stuff... and choose to Believe. 

Not much else to say. I gotta just keep going.  Because some days the Fear Dogs nip at my heels, barking at me that it's too late, and I'm just fooling myself. And that's scary.

Please, God, give me what it takes to keep going, to Believe, and to succeed.

My book quote for today:  "Discouragement destroys hope... When discouragement  tries to overtake you, the first thing to do is to examine your thought life. What kinds of thoughts have you been thinking lately? ... You become what you think. Think discouraging thoughts, and you will get discouraged. Change your thinking and be set free!" --Joyce Meyer, from Love Out Loud

My verse for today: "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

My quote for today: "What is to give light must endure the burning." --Viktor Frankl

Enjoy the Journey (or at least, don't QUIT the journey til you can enjoy it again!),

Loretta

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NOV 6th The Wall & The Pig

Smack!! 

What was that?? Oh... the Wall I ran into. sigh...

I realize that it's not acceptable behavior in "motivational" circles to admit struggle. But unless I face a thing and am honest with myself, how can I deal with it? It feels like I hit a wall recently... got so far, and then splat! Can't seem to regain my footing and continue.

I say "seem" because I know that's not true. It just feels that way. And while my feelings have been bouncing all over the place lately, a part of me is still determined not to be ruled by them. Not to let them dictate my future. They are good for finding clues, but not for making decisions. I suppose it's these kind of times when I see if I truly believe the stuff I spout on this blog, eh??

For several years now I've related to the image of the Flying Pig. I once posted this picture: 

The idea of a flying pig is such an over-the-top figure of speech as to imply the impossible. But to me, it speaks of POSSIBILITIES.  Of overcoming the impossible. Of a hope so powerful that is acts like fuel for my determination. I LOVE the idea of the little pig defying all odds, and FLYING! He's sort of been my little mascot, sitting above my computer.

I see him every time I come to the computer. And I remember that all things are possible with God. So I refuse to let the discouraging thoughts put down roots into my mind.  I just can't dwell on them, and let them grow; it's too dangerous. 

All I can do is to DO what I know to do, and trust that eventually I will be back on track and see progress. I WILL fly. I refuse to let go of hope, to let go of my dreams and give up.

Sometimes we get so close to that edge. You know that edge... the drop off of despair... the cliff of total discouragement... the gulf of giving up. I don't know about you, but it's scary to me. While it's tempting to just give in and take the easy way out, full of excuses and self-pity, it's also terrifying how easy it is to slide back and go the wrong way!

So no... I refuse to go there. I don't care what anybody says... even my own mind. I WILL fly. I get to choose, and that's my choice. I wish I could say, like some do, that "it is easy". Well, right now it AIN'T easy for me. 

I admit that sometimes I whine "it's not fair". But remember what they say? The fair only comes once a year, and usually out in the country. (Ha ha on me; I just read that this morning, and said "ouch!")

Some days we just have to choose to keep going in spite of "life". And eventually, it gets better. I really believe that. No, I don't "feel" that right now... but I do believe it.

My book quote for today: "Unfortunately, most people struggle to change or renew their circumstances (lose weight, fix their marriage, make more money), when they should be asking God to help them renew their minds." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!"

My quote for today: "There is no use trying," said Alice; one can't believe impossible things."  "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." --Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Gazelle photo courtesy of Stig Nygaard

Wings & Poster courtesy of Moi

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 1171

MAY 26th Ditching My Bad Habit

I have a bad habit. And I think maybe it's time to ditch it. :-}

I have a habit of sometimes burying things that shouldn't be buried. Feelings, opinions, emotions...

I'm NOT saying we should immediately blurt everything out, with no filter. I don't believe that for a second. 

That's selfish. That's satisfying my own need to "vent" at the expense of someone else.

No, I'm talking about burying what I really think just because someone else has a different point of view. So... I doubt myself,  if I am wrong. 

Um... sometimes it's not a matter of right or wrong... it's just an opinion!!

Example? Okay...

Months ago I got a post all ready. Took photos and everything... had it all written. And then, I read something someone ELSE wrote in some comment somewhere, and shelved my post. I thought... oh, they must be right. After all, they've lost all their weight... they are a success story. They MUST be right and I am wrong.

Riiight??

Maybe part of me was afraid of what these people that I had admired would think of me.

Well, dang it all, I'm done with that. I'm done with burying my own opinions. I'm done with burying my feelings ABOUT their judgements of those who still have weight to lose. They are entitled to their opinion, but so am I! The topic??

In a nutshell, they were criticizing women who post about "food" when they still have weight to lose. 

Yep, you read that right. If you are still "fat", you have no business posting recipes, ESPECIALLY dessert recipes. Even if the recipes are healthy versions, sugarfree, low carb, whatever your thing is. And DOUBLE especially if you are still struggling to reach your goal.

So... I shelved several posts I had in mind, because I was still "fat" and figured these success-story folks must be right.

Well phooey... I'm so over caring what the successes of this world think about what I post! 

Last year I almost perfected a sugarfree chocolate candy bar recipe. And I had a killer sugarfree, glutenfree cookie recipe. And a fantabulous mock low carb potato salad recipe. And a high protein, sugarfree, flourfree breakfast pancake that keeps me full and satisfied for hours and hours. I even had a post about Chatting Chickens.

Yet I caved to the peer pressure, invalidating my own opinion. 

Have you ever gone into a restaurant before you'd lost all your weight, and had people stare at your plate, and watch you eat in disapproval?? I have. Even though I was eating very moderately with healthy choices! It's like they judge the very fact that you are even eating AT ALL. You are still "fat", so of course you have no business in a restaurant... you should be at home living off lettuce, air and toothpicks.

That's what this felt like, the judgement of the Success types. Them thinking that if you are still fat you have no business posting about... gasp... food. And heaven forbid if that food is... double gasp... dessert!!!

Okay, rant over. 

If you are interested, I'll be sharing some of those shelved posts that are about... gasp... food!

In the grand scheme of things, I realize the topic of posting about food is no biggee. But I was thinking about it this morning... so there you go.

Part of my healing now has to do with honoring my own truth, my own point of view, but doing it with love and kindness. And that includes being kind to ME, by not burying my own feelings.

They don't really go away, ya know. They are still there, leaking out under pressure. So, I want to either heal them, change them, or honor them by acknowledging them when appropriate. And I think that's an okay thing to do. About time, huh? :-}

My book quote for today: "But above all, what mattered was this: You don't have to like it, you just have to do it. Stand up, shake it off, and keep going." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate."

My quote for today: "If you're going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you." --George Bernard Shaw

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 1013

MAR 12th On Finding Harmony

Hello Journal & Friends,

This morning I read a most wonderful post by Carla aka Mizfit.  It was about that question we've all heard: Can we have it all?

But the parts that struck ME were more about finding HARMONY... instead of looking for that elusive "balance". And also that maybe we need to re-define what the "all" is that we are working towards. It's an individual thing.

Her post touched me. The photos of her "all"... of her husband and child. Discovering that she already had her "all".

And I also thought about why I've been feeling sort of wordless when it comes to writing posts lately. I've been directing my energies in other directions - towards my art - and in doing so, I'm sort of "empty" by the time it comes to writing here. But... am I really?

I puzzled over that, and think I figured out at least part of the reason why: when I write here, I want it to mean something. I mean, not be "filler" or fluff. I want it to be real. To matter to me. And that takes digging INWARD... it takes energy and passion. 

And I've been spending that energy and passion on other stuff! So... that's why Mizfit's post struck me. I thought I had to "balance" it all... do it all... keep up with it all. And that expectation made me feel guilty, and like a failure, and frustrated that there were never enough hours in the day!

So... what to do??

I had to ask myself some hard questions. I had to be honest with myself. I would LIKE to think I am oh-so-strong that the occasional negative comments left here don't bother me. 

But they do. I considered shutting off the comments, but I admit I would miss the interaction with most of you that I consider online friends. 

When I consider letting it all hang out, sharing what's going through my head, or what I am learning... I'd like to say that I am fearless and do it regardless. But that's not the truth. 

The truth is... there have been several times lately when I felt the urge to share a neat thing I discovered, or am learning, or am thinking about... and didn't. I just didn't feel like fielding the criticisms and judgements. 

And yes, it pisses me off that I've allowed idiots to influence what I write. People that are so pin-headed and full of themselves that they don't understand that this IS a learning journey. That most of us are here because we do NOT have our act all together. We ARE learning, discovering and finding our way back to health. To not only physical health, but emotional, mental and spiritual health.

So... what to do??

I dunno yet. :-}

My book quote for today: "Never let anyone discourage you from your dreams or goals, no matter how big or small, because no one can ever guess how much you're capable of doing. You're the only one who can decide that." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Because He turned his ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live."

My quote for today: "Fulfillment of your authentic purpose is worth every effort. Never settle for less from yourself than the absolute best you can be." --Ralph Marston

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 938

FEB 14th Happy VD & Other Stuff

Hi Journal & Friends,

Okay, don't holler at me for the title... I know what VD stands for in medical circles! But I saw Anne use that at Carb Tripper and it cracked me up, so I shamelessly stole it! LOL! Come to think of it, she often cracks me up. :-D 

On to the Other Stuff...

I recently stumbled upon a website created by Todd Henry called the Accidental Creative, and found it fascinating. Don't have a clue how I got there, but am glad I did. 

They have free podcasts and one was an interview he did with author Michael Bungay Stanier, who wrote Do More Great Work (Here). 

Now, here's what caught my curiosity. Before I listened to the interview, I had clicked to his website to see if I was interested. There, the description of the book was TOTALLY BORING!! Ugh... yet the podcast had promised oh-so-great things.

Daredevil that I am (yeah, right) I listened anyway. Surprise! I found the interview extremely fascinating. The author was... different. And interesting, in an odd sort of way. I liked him! (Here is the podcast interview) 

He got on to the topic of "failure", and how we perceive it. And he went on to say he regularly meditates, and that "I regularly fail to meditate with any capacity whatsoever..." He explained that he found it difficult to focus, and yet he didn't see this as a negative. He just accepted that he was learning, refocused his breathing and went on. 

I loved his relaxed attitude. He was not threatened by a "perceived" failure. He talked about having the willingness to come back to whatever it is we are trying to learn, and to just go on. To be willing to be resilient. 

This goes along with what I've been thinking lately... about not being afraid of failure. To not hold back, but to leap out there, to dare, to live and be bold.

To try things, and see what does and does not work. To experiment and play and explore.

Just last night I watched a short youtube video interview with Maurice Sendak, the author/illustrator of Where The Wild Things Are. I didn't know he was so... crusty! And opinionated, thoughtful, outspoken, feisty, and bold. 

And he said something that most creative people can identify with... in fact, anyone who is standing on a cliff edge, wondering if they dare take that leap of faith and try something new. It doesn't matter if it's in a creative area, or a new plan to health and fitness... I think the principle holds true:

"Artists have to take a dive, and either you hit your head on a rock and you split your skull and you die... OR... that blow to the head is so inspiring that you come up and do the best work that you ever did. BUT... you have to take the dive, and you do not know what the results will be."

There's that message again... boldness. Living fearlessy and boldly. Take the dive, take the risk.

Right now I'm involved with some art projects I've never done before, and sometimes when I "think" too much, I start to say "but I'm in over my head". So... I don't think about that. :-D 

Instead I'm gonna remember what Maurice Sendak said, and take that leap of faith!

From Dr Phil's book: "Be willing to get out of your comfort zone and require more of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally."

My verse for today: "Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength; we will sing and praise your might."

My quote for today: "Let the wild rumpus start!" --Maurice Sendak, Where The Wild Things Are

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 911

DEC 26th I DID it!

Hello Journal & Friends, 


I know, I know. I said I was on a blogging mini-vacation. I am... but I didn't say anything about VLOGGING!


As a Christmas gift to myself, I spent all day Sunday learning how to do The Vlog Thing. It took me 13 hours to get it right and able to upload, but my stubbornness paid off, LOL!


So now I'm sharing the results with you! :-O

Enjoy the Journey,


Loretta
=^..^=


Day 861

JULY 8th Don't Give the Elephant Free Reign!

Happy Saturday to Journal & Friends!

So... I had started a whiney post about how I was about to deep six this current experiment I started last Monday. See, I did a sneak peek weigh in this morning. Yeah, I know, those are never a good idea! Anyway, since last Monday I had GAINED 6 POUNDS. Say what???!!!

I was sad.

I was mad.

I was scared.

I was about to say this is stupid, and go back to what I was doing before... even though IT wasn't working. At least I didn't suddenly start gaining like that.

Then... I did some blog surfing this morning, and stumbled on a post by Dr Michael Eades. Most people in the low carb community know of Dr Eades' credibility and stature. He is highly respected. So I started reading with mild interest... then sat bolt up right when I read the following:

"The surest road to failure in the first few days of low-carb dieting is to listen to your body.  The whole notion of listening to your body is one of my major pet peeves.... Listening to your body is giving the elephant free rein. If you’re three days into your stop-smoking program, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed.  If you’re in drug rehab, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed.  If you’re trying to give up booze, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed.  And if you’re a week into your low-carb diet, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed.  Actually, it’s okay to listen to it, I suppose, just don’t do what it’s telling you to do because if you do, you’re screwed."

(This is a short excerpt; for the whole spunky article, read HERE). 

Where is that delete button?? I ditched what I was originally going to say. Instead, I will suck it up and continue. I will at least wait for my two week experiment to reach the two weeks before I hit the panic button. 

This isn't my first experience with low carb. I've been essentially doing it since March of  2009. But I'm just now learning to count the carbs accurately, and experimenting with a protein rich breakfast. So... I'll keep working on getting the right mix of fats, proteins and carbs.

Continuing with determination on the 

Carb Conquest Cruise. 

No detours here!!

From Dr Phil's book:  "Your thoughts powerfully program you."

My verse for today:  "But you are a shield around me, O Lord."

My quote for today: "Virtually all the happiness-producing processes in our lives take time, usually a long time: learning new things, changing old behaviors, building satisfying relationships, raising children. This is why patience and determination are among life's primary virtues." --Gordon Livingston

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 693