I have a bad habit. And I think maybe it's time to ditch it. :-}
I have a habit of sometimes burying things that shouldn't be buried. Feelings, opinions, emotions...
I'm NOT saying we should immediately blurt everything out, with no filter. I don't believe that for a second.
That's selfish. That's satisfying my own need to "vent" at the expense of someone else.
No, I'm talking about burying what I really think just because someone else has a different point of view. So... I doubt myself, if I am wrong.
Um... sometimes it's not a matter of right or wrong... it's just an opinion!!
Example? Okay...
Months ago I got a post all ready. Took photos and everything... had it all written. And then, I read something someone ELSE wrote in some comment somewhere, and shelved my post. I thought... oh, they must be right. After all, they've lost all their weight... they are a success story. They MUST be right and I am wrong.
Riiight??
Maybe part of me was afraid of what these people that I had admired would think of me.
Well, dang it all, I'm done with that. I'm done with burying my own opinions. I'm done with burying my feelings ABOUT their judgements of those who still have weight to lose. They are entitled to their opinion, but so am I! The topic??
In a nutshell, they were criticizing women who post about "food" when they still have weight to lose.
Yep, you read that right. If you are still "fat", you have no business posting recipes, ESPECIALLY dessert recipes. Even if the recipes are healthy versions, sugarfree, low carb, whatever your thing is. And DOUBLE especially if you are still struggling to reach your goal.
So... I shelved several posts I had in mind, because I was still "fat" and figured these success-story folks must be right.
Well phooey... I'm so over caring what the successes of this world think about what I post!
Last year I almost perfected a sugarfree chocolate candy bar recipe. And I had a killer sugarfree, glutenfree cookie recipe. And a fantabulous mock low carb potato salad recipe. And a high protein, sugarfree, flourfree breakfast pancake that keeps me full and satisfied for hours and hours. I even had a post about Chatting Chickens.
Yet I caved to the peer pressure, invalidating my own opinion.
Have you ever gone into a restaurant before you'd lost all your weight, and had people stare at your plate, and watch you eat in disapproval?? I have. Even though I was eating very moderately with healthy choices! It's like they judge the very fact that you are even eating AT ALL. You are still "fat", so of course you have no business in a restaurant... you should be at home living off lettuce, air and toothpicks.
That's what this felt like, the judgement of the Success types. Them thinking that if you are still fat you have no business posting about... gasp... food. And heaven forbid if that food is... double gasp... dessert!!!
Okay, rant over.
If you are interested, I'll be sharing some of those shelved posts that are about... gasp... food!
In the grand scheme of things, I realize the topic of posting about food is no biggee. But I was thinking about it this morning... so there you go.
Part of my healing now has to do with honoring my own truth, my own point of view, but doing it with love and kindness. And that includes being kind to ME, by not burying my own feelings.
They don't really go away, ya know. They are still there, leaking out under pressure. So, I want to either heal them, change them, or honor them by acknowledging them when appropriate. And I think that's an okay thing to do. About time, huh? :-}
My book quote for today: "But above all, what mattered was this: You don't have to like it, you just have to do it. Stand up, shake it off, and keep going." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within
My verse for today: "He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate."
My quote for today: "If you're going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you." --George Bernard Shaw
Enjoy the Journey,
Loretta
=^..^=
DAY 1013
16 comments:
You've been blogging a lot longer than me, but I've yet to have anything like that happen, but if it did, I'd say, "phooey on you, it's my blog, this is me and I'll write what I want to write about." So you go girl, I'll be waiting for those recipes!!
Yes please. I want to see your recipes and try the ones I think will suit me.
There are so many things I've done or not done over the years simply because of what I think other people will be thinking.
Part of the purpose of blogging is sharing what works for you and picking up ideas from others to see if they work. Can't wait for you to share the secret-until-now-posts.
I think that when we are obviously overweight we tend to be super-sensitive to what others might be thinking about us. Maybe they are looking at us, maybe they are so busy with their own immediate interests they're not even aware of us.
This is just another fear or self-centredness in disguise.
That sounds a little harsh but somehow we have to get past what other people might be noticing about us so we can live true and free.
To some extent I dealt with a lot of this when I was young because I grew up in a home where it was extremely important to be seen to be doing the right thing. I often thought my parents had shallow values and rebelled against this. I would have made a great Hippie but by the time Hippies reached NZ I was an old married woman. LOL.
That's not a criticism of my parents. They were realists and knew there are certain behaviours and appearances that help one get on in life. We've grown to look more upon the heart and what comes from the heart as valuable.
Be true to yourself.
Have you got a nice piece of art to go with that motto?
Blessings
Thanks Anne, I plan to dig out those recipes, all but one that is sort of "spoken for". The Caulitator recipe is going to be a "guest recipe" in the upcoming 2nd edition of LowCarbing Among Friends cookbook, due out some time this summer.
A piece of art to go with "Be true to yourself" ? Hmmm... I'll have to think on that one. :-)
Thanks, Sharon. I'm just an amateur cook, but once in a while I accidentally create a winner, LOL!
I'd love to see the GF, low carb pancake recipe. I have a good GF pancake recipe (provided by Sharon who commented above, by the way) but it is NOT low carb which means I have to make them just once in a while.
AS far as censoring what you write because of what others will think. sigh. You know, I'm pretty good at standing my ground and sharing opinions come what may. But, somehow, I have a hard time posting my thoughts/feelings about me and this whole weight loss shebang. I didn't used to, but that hesitancy has developed as I've read others blogs and the comments on them.
I'm struggling with that right this minute as a matter of fact and have been trying to write a post in my head about it. There have been a few blogs/comments about WL bloggers who are not losing weight or have regained--and how tiresome/pathetic it is to have to keep reading about it.
Kind of an "If you're not sticking to your plan well enough to lose weight, then, you're not serious about weight loss, so quit pretending and definitely quite whining about it."
Makes me kind of hesitant to whine/vent/discuss my own WL fiasco. Hence the lack of posts.
Yeah. I hear you on this. Funny we're both playing the "Can I dare to write what I really think/feel?" question in our heads right now.
Deb
"Funny we're both playing the "Can I dare to write what I really think/feel?" question in our heads right now."
Ha ha ha, doesn't surprise me in the least! :-D
Guess what I had for dinner tonight? Yep, pancakes. I'll send you the recipe. It's not the high-protein one, I'll have to hunt that one down. But hhis one turned out great, it's very high fiber and filling, and even Jim gave his "uh huh" of approval at his test bite.
oh yes...ultimate struggle for me...not holding my voice, my opinions, my thoughts inside...i would rather quiet them, think them wrong, and feed them to shut them up...with food..
Lately, however, I am letting them flow....not judging just realizing this is my journey and that there is truly a purpose (hmmmm speaking up) to why no matter how outside the box of norm is
Time to take that voice to a new level, I think
You go girl! I love to hear what you're doing and what you're cooking and baking. I know what you mean about peer pressure, even on the blogs. I am trying to ignore and avoid it. We are not here to be directed by anyone else--this is YOUR blog, and many of us love to read it!
My latest post is a case in point. I have rejoined WW again with a different slant, and I wrote about it, but now without concern of repercussions. I know there are people out there who get tired of hearing about what I am now trying to lose weight. Well, those who critique those of us who are still working on our weight loss (and certainly not all bloggers are critical) need to remember their own history. My guess is they tried lots of different methods and programs, lots of times before they got going. And it's OK to do that, as is sharing your recipes!!
I'm OK, You're OK--to quote a title of an old book! Do your thing, Loretta! Lots of us will be right there with you!
I would love to see your recipes. Maybe the success stories need to take the sticks out of their butts. :) Learning to enjoy food and not go extreme one way or the other I think is the true battle. Being happy and being healthy are what it's about, no matter our weight.
When you find your 'zone', you'll care less and less about what others think.
I have a story coming out in the fall. 6 out of 7 crit partners love it. My gut tells me I'm on the right track. Crit partner #7 hates it. I can't dwell on the haters who aren't my audience, and neither can you. Otherwise, we get nothing done.
Whether people like it or not, the journey is about us, and nobody else. Maybe something we've done will help somebody, but that doesn't make us experts on anybody else's journey.
I hope that makes sense ...
I stink at cooking. What I have never ever understood is WHY people have to talk about what OTHER people should talk about. It's none of their business..period. If they don't like it they can lump it. I want to see recipes...I am sucky at coming up with new things to eat.
You know I'll be looking forward to seeing your recipes!!
First of all, Loretta, how many times have I told you that you "rock" as a person?!!! Sometimes, when people tell you that, you need to take a little quiet time to absorb that.
Your opinion is based upon your entire life's experience. It is as qualified as anyone else's. I like your opinion. And I often disagree with other people's comments. But our differences is exactly what makes us great. If you were exactly the same as I am, I'd probably not look forward to your posts.
Post knowing that you have the right to free speech in this country. Say what you want and what you need to say.
:-) Marion
I'm all about posting whatever you like. I'm sorry that you were dissuaded to post whatever you would like to. Hopefully you have realized that there are a lot more people who would like to see what you have to say- no matter what that is.
Loretta, we like you for you. I like it that you share your struggles and I get to see how things work out, not just that everything is peachy keen all the time. It gives you a depth and reality that is truly helpful to others.
Bring on those recipes. I am on summer break from teaching and trying to get my mindset back into losing. That means variety and trying new recipes. Thanks for sharing.
Anyone who loses any weight has a valid opinion because they have done it. Share!!
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