Jan 16th.... Celebrating and Learning

I can’t believe it’s been this long since I last posted. Oh well. 2019 was a rough year, health wise. But somehow (to my amazement and gratitude), I’ve finally passed the 200 lbs lost mark. 

206 to be exact. Highest weight 460. Current weight 254. Final goal 199.

Gee. That amazes even me. It took years, but I’m finally there. I was thinking today… at first I felt really proud of myself. Yet found there was also a sadness. If I had only done this sooner….You know, all those regrets.

 So please, kiddos, don’t do as I did. Do it sooner, not later. I need to just accept that disappointment over waiting so long, and then get on with being happy about the progress. What’s the cliche we throw around? Progress, not perfection. 

No Time to Monkey Around

by Retta

I discovered a lovely new artist on FB that I am following. Pat Butynski is her name. She is going through some rough times herself, but still makes wonderful art. She has this ability to be in touch with and honest with her feelings  (grief over losing her Mother last week, and her own heath issues).

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve really learned how to integrate the down times, and feel them, and still have the Joy. So I tend to focus on only the Joy, and try to ignore the hard stuff.

 But she writes beautifully of this. I’m listening Lord. Teach me.

 Grabbing a cuppa sunshine - 6” x 8” mixed media rough sketch study 

by  Pat Butynski

https://www.instagram.com/patbutynskiarttalk/

 Later Gators,

Retta

Edited to add: I realized today (Sunday the 19th) that I wrote here I had "waited so long". Uh,,, no. I tried repeatedly all my life. Just with methods that didn't work for ME. So, let's just say I regret not having found MY way sooner. It's true. And I like that better. :-)

Sept 16th... Wild Ride and Doing Great

A quick update to let the world know I'm still alive n kicking.












The surgery went just fine.
Was a wild ride for awhile, but I'm doing very well now.








I recently realized how close I am to cracking the "lost 200 lbs" mark, and I'm starting to get excited about that. I'm sitting at 271 right now, having started at 460. So only 11 more pounds to go for a fun number to achieve! Still mostly doing the ketogenic diet. Trying to move more, now that I don't have as much to haul around, ha ha.

It's been hard. And I still goof up now and then. But overall, things are going in the right direction. I'm so very thankful.

Still on the Journey,

Retta

=^..^=

Aug 30th Finally, Progress!!

Just popping in to say hello. 

I am finally scheduled to have my surgery for endometrial cancer this Friday. At last! I’ll be glad to have it over with, and get on with the healing. It’s going to be Robotic assisted laparoscopic surgery. Smaller holes drilled into the tummy, faster healing time, so that’s cool. 

I’ve been working hard these last few months on weight loss and getting healthy for the surgery. I can gratefully say that for the first time in THIRTY THREE YEARS, I am in the 2’s!!!!! This last Monday I busted through the barrier and hit 297. Barely into the twosies, but if it has a 2 in the front… I’ll take it!!!!

Good news also about that leg wound that was being stubborn to heal. There were 2 wounds, and I started going to the Wound Clinic a YEAR ago. The littler one has finally closed up 2 weeks ago, and the bigger one is now only about 1 1/2 inch diameter. Huge progress. Yay!

One of these days I’ll get a new progress pic put up. Just not been a priority. I’ve not really had much to say. I’ve been watching a tv show that both irritates me (cuz I see my own flaws in the behavior of the people on it) and inspires me, called My 600 LB Life. And today the doctor on the show, Dr Nowzaradan said to a lady who was still in the “excuse phase”: 

She can SAY whatever she wants, but I’m interested in what she DOES.

Ouch. I think that is why I’ve been so quiet on my blog. What’s to say??? I just needed DO it, not jabber about it. (Edited to add: that's aimed at only ME, no one else. I needed to DO, not just talk about it. I think that since I was writing/talking about it, I somehow felt like I was DOING something. I finally got the message that they are not the same, ha ha!)

Anyway, that’s about it from smokey Oregon. Hugs to all,

Retta

Nov 6th Gratitude, Service & Surgery

Still studying the book from Dr Marty Lerner I talked about in this post. 

It's short, more of a booklet. But packed with years of experience and wisdom. I've been stuck on this sentence in Chapter 3:

"The true nature of the problem, especially with respect to addictions has to do with almost total self-absorption and self-consciousness."

And: "...most of our struggles have to do with repetitive and obsessive self-centered thoughts".

I used to call it navel watching... remembering the old cartoon of the guy sitting and staring at his own belly button. And I've actually wondered at times if continuing long term with my blog was navel watching! Or, as Dr Lerner more eloquently puts it: self-absorption and self-consciousness.

Four statues of satyrs in the Louvre, depicting omphaloskepsis - navel gazing -  as an aid to meditation

I mean... I know all the "how it got started in my life" stuff. I've made peace with it. It's not about blame. Rather, it's about understanding. 

I've found a way of eating that is healthy and I can do for life: low carb, sugar free.

Now I am left with just one thing, according to Dr Lerner: DO IT. Do the next right thing. Focus on recovery, not weight loss. And the weight loss will follow as I DO the right things. What's left to talk about??

Shortly after I read this page in Dr Lerner's book about all this self-absorption, I read a blog post from Sean Anderson. In passing at the end, he mentioned Gratitude and Service. And those words lit up in neon for me! 

Gratitude and Service. I had used this phrase for years as a reminder: Love God, love others. It's truth, yet somehow it seemed a little bit lofty or esoteric. But if you put feet to it, action to it... it turns into Gratitude and Service!

Now it's no longer just "I am grateful to God for....". Me, me, me. I, I, I.... Yes, I am totally grateful, and want to be aware and express that gratitude. But now it doesn't stop with ME. As in that self-absorption and self-centered thoughts. (Now please don't go and misinterpret that; having a gratitude journal is life changing, and highly recommended!!!! I'm talking about MY hang-ups here).

But for me, now adding Service to the equation takes my thoughts beyond myself, and the arrows are not stuck constantly INWARD. I want to learn to get them to aim OUTward. I can ask myself how I can be of Service? Is there a gift I have been given that can be used as a blessing to others? To be of Service?

The day before all these thoughts hit me, I read something about Benjamin Franklin. He began each day with this question: "What good shall I do this day?" 

And he ended the day with "What good have I done this day?" He obviously had a heart to be of Service.

So... that's what I have been studying. That's where my journey is taking me. Some of it can feel uncomfortable. But I feel good about the direction.

Still on the journey,

Retta

A Big PS: I didn't want to make a huge post about medical stuff, making it into a big deal. But thought it would not be very courteous to just disappear without explanation. I'm not God. I can't predict the future, or when it's my turn to die and go to Heaven. But I was recently diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer. It's still only Stage 1; the prognosis is excellent, and my surgery is on Wednesday, Nov 9th. 

The doctors are still fretting over my weight. It does not count how much I have lost; it counts what I am NOW to them. I was 310 this morning, and that still puts me in the high risk category. But quite a few things have been happening in my favor the last couple of months that make me feel like God is looking out for me, and encouraging and reassuring me. So... I am hopeful. If you are so inclined, I would appreciate prayers. Thanks ya'll, and see you in a few weeks! =^..^=

A Kitty for Nancy 

June 2nd Still Squishy Concrete

I've talked so much about learning Consistency here because it was on my "to do" list. I wanted to learn it, apply it, master it.

But I never did.

Oh, I would be consistent "for awhile". Then I would let life interfere. 

Read: EXCUSES

Consistency needs to be welded together with Time for positive results.

That is one of the big things I've been learning from the accountability/support group that I joined recently. I am now officially re-upped for another 8 weeks. And I NEED it!

The things I've been learning don't feel rock solid yet. More like poured concrete that is still setting up, still squishy. But Consistency is a biggee to me.

I know WHAT to do. My plan is simple, but for it to work, I need to be Consistent. Hit and miss doesn't cut it. I'm too old, too broke down, tried this too many times. 

I can't play around, and think half-a$%ed efforts will get me anything other than half-a#@ed results!

I did my "official" monthly weigh-in on June 1st. Lost 9 lbs last month. For the 10 weeks I've been with this support group, that's now a total of 16 pounds down. Not because I didn't know what to do before. But because the Group helped me learn to HONESTLY be consistent. 

I think there are still some spots left for this next 8 week session. They keep it small so you don't get lost in the crowd, but get the support and personal attention as needed.

If you are stuck like I was, or need help in learning consistency - or anything else from the trained Coaches, then check out Sean Anderson's post about it, here.

Like Sean says: Consistency beats intensity!

The weight loss numbers are motivating and made me smile. But what I am HUGELY thankful for are the things I am learning that will KEEP me consistent, and going in the right direction for life.

Quote for the Day: "We must embrace consistency... defend it from your emotions and circumstances at every turn." --Sean Anderson

Enjoy the journey,

Retta

May 27th Me n My Little Yellow Car - back on the road again!

Time to return to my original blogging purpose:

1) To help keep me focused

2) To keep a record of things I'm learning and/or thinking about

If anyone is still reading, I sincerely hope no offense is taken that the comments are disabled. It's not meant to be unfriendly or unappreciative of you. But for now my focus needs to be on the writing part. Thanks for understanding. :-)

Okay. I just completed what feels like the healthiest thing I've done in years: I finished all 10 weeks of the online support group I mentioned here a few weeks ago.

And it was fantastic! 

In a nutshell: I learned a bunch of stuff, and also lost 13 pounds. Yippee!

The Group is co-facilitated by online blogger Sean Anderson, from Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. Also Life Coach Gerri Helms, and soon to be certified Life Coach Kathleen Miles.

I can highly recommend it... The Coaches will be starting another session soon. Watch Sean's blog for details.

Overview:

-The group runs for a specific length of time, in my case it was 10 weeks. 

-We had a weekly tele-conference call with the Coaches and members. We went over our week, found ways to improve our progress, addressed any trouble spots, learned from one another.

-There is a private Facebook page, which was so valuable. We could share anything in private, and get feedback and encouragement from the group and Coaches.

-Most of us posted our daily goals on the private FB page, which lent a strong degree of accountability and helped me start to re-establish good habits. It really got me going again!

-We could call, text, or PM each other any time we wanted/needed to. The members were terrific; all there for the same reason, to get healthy, and to encourage and support one another. They made me feel welcome, even though some had been there before. There were no cliques; they were open and supportive to all.

-The group was not so large as to "get lost" in, and not get to know anyone. Yet enough members so there was always someone to contact if you needed to talk. I think that was wise on the part of the Coaches (about 23 participants that time, I think).

For the next few weeks, I plan to review things  from my time with the group. To refresh my memory. I don't want anything to slowly evaporate. I want to apply the things that are right for ME, and not lose them.

To visualize this leg of my journey, I used the analogy of a little yellow car on a road trip to Health. I had been stuck in a ditch, stalled out, and this group pulled me out and got me going again in the right direction.

Still on the Journey,

Retta

NOV 12th No No No NO NO NO!!

yes........ yes...... yes.....yes.... yes.

But I don't WANNA be a student again. 

To have to do more reading, studying, learning, measuring, weighing, and focusing on this Weight Loss Thing. Yet again. 

Do. Not. Want. To.

Well... that's life. We don't always get what we want. 

Having gone through a crummy year, healthwise, has forced me to look for answers. I suppose if I wanted to be Chirpy Positive, I could call that the silver lining. Or as Michael Beckwith calls it, the Blessing (from his teaching of Looking for the Blessin or the Lesson in all of Life's Circumstances).

So.  I haven't given up, I was just tired of writing about it. Had no answers, just questions and problems. 

And then some kind soul (sorry, can't give credit since I didn't write down the name) suggested a link to a Facebook group that was "different". 

And they were. And they were incredibly supportive and helpful. And I think I just might be, finally, coming out of the "sick" tunnel and into the light... soon, very soon. :-}

Background: sick for months last winter; some of the food and medications advised to eat had sugar; craving monster awakened; then heart trouble; then tests; horrible sleep; more tests; massive infection in teeth; dental surgery, all remaining teeth removed; complications, 2 more dental surgeries scheduled; no "teeth" til next spring; hard to get adequate nutrition; finally oxygen added to cpap at night; yay, better sleep.

Repeat: better sleep. I can't begin to describe how much better just getting that made me feel. Half of my heart is not able to do it's job now while I sleep, and the oxygen is giving it relief, so I am getting deep, restorative sleep now. Blessed sleep!

I finally wanted to "try" again. I cared again. I didn't feel despair, but hope started to glow again. Like a tiny ember you carefully blow on to get going again, until the fire is finally burning stronger and stronger.

Back to the new Facebook group that was "different". 

Again, background needed for this to make sense: I've been doing low carb now for years; read the science; believed it; it worked; I lost weight; kept it off - mostly - for the first time in life. But kept getting stuck. Things shifted in the low carb community, and Fat became king, over protein. Low carb/high fat was promoted as THE way. People started promoting Fat Bomb recipes and bragging as to how they would drown their meal in sticks of butter. I had red flags, sure. But I figured they were the experts, and surely knew more than ME.

And it DID work. In the short run. And especially for those younger, healthier, and more physically active.

But I'm ME. I am NOT younger, healthier, and physically active. So when all that Stuff hit me earlier this year, I tanked. I started gaining at a ridiculous rate, and the only answer the high fat crowd had was "eat more fat".

Eating more healthy fat took away hunger, yes, absolutely. But at the cost of eating enough protein to heal my broken body. At the cost of healthy nutrition. And you can lose weight, especially at first. But was it fat loss? Or was it fat AND muscle loss?

I had so many questions.

So in desperation, I clicked on that suggested link to the "different" low carb group. The one that believes that the body needs protein to repair and be healthy, to lose weight and build muscle and support thyroid. All that jazz. And that if you still have your own "supply of body fat" you wish to lose, then you don't need to be going crazy with smothering your meals with sticks of butter.

"Fat burning is turned on by carbohydrate restriction. And eating Optimal Protein is a KEY to build health and metabolism." 

--Raymund Edwards

Yes, they believe in eating healthy fats. But they teach how to moderate that according to your goals: 

• Lots to lose = eat less healthy fat. 
• Want to maintain = eat moderate healthy fats. 
• Want to gain = eat healthy fats at the high end of the chart.

• But ALWAYS eat the right amount of protein for YOU, to be healthy, protect metabolism and build muscle.

They have an easy reference chart to help get you started. And they were/are incredibly patient with all my newbie questions... which are ongoing! (not claiming to have any answers here, so please don't ask ME nuthin... am still learning myself).

The focus of this group is to be HEALTHY, not lose the weight at a record pace. Weight loss can be achieved many ways, but losing fat and keeping your muscle mass - or even growing it - is a whole different animal.

It was encouraging to have a few answers, and a path to follow. It's taken months to get this de-railed train back on the tracks! My progress is slow, but at least it's in the right direction once again. Finally.

So... I am a student. Again. 

But I also have hope. I have not given up. Came close, yes indeedy. So I'm grateful for a few answers to my prayers.

And for anyone else who is struggling, who finds their current way of eating has conked out on them and no longer works, may I suggest at least considering another stab at it, with a shift in emphasis? 

From weight loss first TO Health first, and then the weight loss will follow. From high fat/moderate protein, TO moderate fat/high protein. 

And yes, this group will answer all your questions. The same ones I had, such as "what about gluconeogenesis?" (too much protein turning to glucose) and "but so-and-so-the-expert says to lose fat you need to eat MORE fat?", etc etc.

Here is the link to said group: Optimal Ketogenic Living (OKL)

If you decided to join, just put in a request to join; it's a closed group, which is good. It keeps out the riff raff (spammers, trolls and argue-ers).

I don't claim they are perfect, but if you go there with a teachable heart, I believe they will fall all over themselves to help you. Really, they've been very kind and encouraging to me. Be ready to do some reading, to at least re-consider some stuff.

And please DO read the links they offer, to assure yourself of the hard science behind it. Well, as far as we can know for now, that is. We are always learning and discovering. At the top of the site is a "pinned" post, with tons of info. You've got nuthin else to do, right?? ;-)

I know this is long and dense, and not "entertaining". But I felt it's important, and if it helps someone else, then I'm happy with that. :-)

And if you got this far, I applaud you! And thank you for visiting me, even though I rarely post now.

Keep hope alive in the journey,

Loretta

APRIL 5th Oh So Close to the Two'sies!

 "I didn't have any desire to shake things up, or make huge dramatic changes." 

That's from my last post, back in January. All I have to say about that is:

What a winter I've had! Seven different medical conditions, one piled on top of the other... good griefus! I'm better now, and truly thankful. 

But honestly, when in the middle of all that, it's hard not to get discouraged and start feeling sorry for yourself. At least, that's what I struggled with. 

One of the conditions caused me to have severe... ahem ... diarrhea FOR 75 DAYS!! Yes, you read that right. 2 1/2 months. I almost ended up hospitalized. We never did discover what set it off, but they had me trying everything to stop it. 

From the BRAT diet, to heavy duty prescriptions. NOTHING WORKED. I honestly wondered if this was the way I going to go out... cr**ping myself to death. :-O

I finally said phooey to all the doctor's guesses, did some research, and put myself on a special, extremely strict elimination type diet designed by a doctor, for people with intestinal issues.

Tough to follow?? Not if you are desperate enough and facing medical complications. The dehydration and electrolyte imbalance played havoc with my congestive heart failure, and it was dicey for awhile. So yeah... I was willing to get extreme. 

The program is for people who struggle with Crohns, Ulcerative colitis, Diverticulitits, Celiac disease,  and more. I don't have those, but it DID help me stop the cycle, and heal.

I have to admit, though, that I was ticked off for awhile. You see... I was originally ordered to go on the BRAT diet, which is TOTALLY HIGH CARB stuff. Um... I have been extremelly low carb for 5 years!! That was so hard for me to do. And I was even surprised to find that some of the stuff I secretly expected to enjoy (like potatoes, white rice, toast, juice, pudding, etc) didn't even taste good to me anymore. Yet the high starch diet, which turns to sugar in my system, set me up once again for powerful cravings that I'd been free from for 5 years. Soooo frustrating.

Moral of story: I can't ever say I am "cured" of being susceptible to cravings, if I am once again exposed to the sugar and starches. I had to go through actual withdrawal again. And yes, it was very hard. My mind played all kinds of games with me, just like the first time. sigh... And I STILL am struggling a bit with it, even now. Like a lingering scent, catching your attention when you aren't expecting it, and triggering memories and longings. Don't know if that makes sense, but... it's a powerful thing.

Another thing I thought about during all this: that super strict diet was difficult and exacting to follow. To start out you only eat about 4 simple, plain items, plus homemade electrolyte solution. But I was totally willing, because I was desperate and ready to try anything. 

Which made me I think about all the times over the years I had thought "Oh I am so desperate to lose weight", yet I was NOT willing to try something. 

I was willing to try SOME-things, but not ANY-thing. 

Case in point: about 20 years ago when I first heard about the idea of not eating sugar and starches, I was NOT willing. I made all kinds of excuses, and argued that it should be "moderation in all things." Yeah, right. Tell that one to an alcoholic. It might work for some people, but not for me. But I wasn't yet willing to admit that.

It wasn't until I got desperate enough, and nothing that I tried had worked, that I was finally willing to even consider giving up sugar and starches. I spent 3 months reading, studying, learning about it. I had to be convinced it would be healthy, for me. That this was what would be the healthiest way for MY body. I mean, it was the opposite of what had been pounded into my head for decades... so yeah, I was a little skeered. 

I figured I would use my old "all or nothing" tendencies TO my advantage. So once I was fully convinced, I plunged totally in. 

Against my husbands preferences.

Against the preferences of anyone I knew.

Against most of society's preferences.

I was determined, I was committed, I was willing.

It's not been easy. Heck, at times it's been VERY HARD. There have been times I was so discouraged, and wanted to give up.

But I didn't. 

I'm convinced God had mercy on me, and brought this information to help me.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to see the 2 hundreds getting close. My highest weight a few years ago was a humiliating 460 lbs.

When I weighed in on April 1st, I was 304 lbs.

That's a total loss of 156 lbs!!! I still find it hard to relate to that... it doesn't seem real. It's still hard to stand, to move, and still a lot of pain. Sometimes I wonder if I am imagining it??

But it's real. 

And on the journey goes. Day after day. Just doing the little daily stuff. Not perfect... not by a long shot. But just continuing on, no matter what.

Enjoy the journey,

Loretta

Updated to add: since some have asked about the diet that helped me recover, I thought I'd put it here.

The book I bought is "Breaking the Vicious Cycle, Intestinal Health Through Diet", by Elaine Gottschall, B.A, M.S. It gives her story (the amazing recovery of her young daughter, who the doctors basically gave up on), the science behind the diet, and recipes. It's on Amazon, and for me, was totally worth the price.

One site that was helpful to me was SCD Lifestyle.
The "official" SCD site Here.
Lots of links for SCD related info, including recipes.
There is also an active Yahoo group called BTVC: the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. I picked up lots of useful tips here.

Hope this helps!

JUNE 18th No! No! No!

I've been thoroughly enjoying my recent "good times", when all of lifes dramas seemed to have calmed, and things were going smoother. 

It was nice while it lasted... but now, the drama is back. Sigh... Lesson: enjoy and appreciate the good times while they last! 

Life seems like the tides... events come and go, up and down, good and bad, in and out... low tide, high tide. 

It's funny... I had JUST been reading about joy. How true joy is not dependent upon circumstances. It comes from within, from our relationship with our God, from the eternal not the temporal.

Uh huh... I should have KNOWN there would be a pop quiz. :-}

Anyway, lots of disappointing stuff going on, and big hits to the budget. Big hits to plans I had (past tense) to get stuff done while Hubby and The Barker were SUPPOSED to be off camping. 

And big hits to my "optimism". I had been doing so well on this journey to get healthier, having finally seemed to turn a corner not that long ago. 

Recently a tool I use died... The Scale. No biggee, I'll just get a new battery, right? By the time I got said battery and installed it, and did the Monday weigh-in ritual,

I was S.T.U.N.N.E.D - A.G.H.A.S.T - H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D!!!!

I just don't get it. I know I haven't been counting calories for awhile until just recently, but come on... no way! My newly batterized scale says that since May 1st, I have GAINED 27 pounds!!!! Two Seven. Twenty-seven. 

I'm having a hard time believing that. I double and triple checked, and it's the same each time. 

I can't begin to describe the crushing disappointment... how deflating, discouraging, frustrating and even angering that is. 

Please, do NOT post a comment telling me not to let "the scale" dictate my mood, etc etc. The scale is a tool, and I  get sick to death of people whining about how mean "it" is to them. It is simply a tool I totally appreciate having. Without it, I would not know I was on this wrong trend!!! 

I just didn't know. I can't tell from my clothes at my size. I can't tell by how I "feel", since I always feel "heavy" and have pain in my joints. So the scale is a helpful tool to give me some indication of how my plan is working... or NOT working, as the case may be.

My upset is not in the scale's reading. It is in ME. In my apparent obliviousness to how I've really been doing. I truly thought I was making progress, doing better than this. Uh... can we say REALITY CHECK??

So... now what?

I don't believe in coincidence, so I have to take note of the post I read just this morning from Coach Dayne at Coach Your Mind (HERE). 

Bottomline, there is no point in dragging out my crummy feelings about this crummy news. I saw it, I processed it, I felt it. And boy howdy, did I feel it!

In my past, I most likely would have wallowed in it for a while before moving past it. But really, there's just no point in doing that. 

So, time to move right into the DOING phase. 

Time to just get on with it, to do what I know to do. I'll count the dang calories, I'll move more, I'll just never quit. I don't know what else to do... but to just keep on, and trust that the hard work will pay off. 

I admit, I'm hoping against hope that part of this is water retention.  

:-}

My book quote for today: "...Behind everything you do is a thought, and each individual thought contributes to your overall character... No area of your life is untouched by your thoughts." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "The Lord hears the needy..."

My quote for today: "You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings!" --Pear S Buck

Enjoy the Journey, and if you're not then at least don't quit!

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 1030

MAY 1st I'm Baaack!

Hello Journal & Friends,

I had a wonderful bloggy vacation! I even restrained myself from spouting off in a post when the urge hit... once. ;-)

As I started to write this, I stumbled upon the "pray for wisdom list" I made back on April 13th. It was for me and 6 others. I have been praying daily, sometimes more than once, for wisdom for us all. But... I had forgotten what I wrote next to MY name. :-O

Here it is:

April 13th, starting to see that I can choose which "restriction" I use as a tool. And if I want to stop counting calories, all I need to do is use "hunger/fullness" signals as prompts and ACCEPT them as my tool to control amounts. That would be all I need to do, just one thing, since I already make my choices from low carb, and don't eat sugar/flour now. Just one thing! How simple. :-)

Yeah right... how simple!! 

Well, on my "blogcation" I didn't count calories... not a one. I really did want to test this "theory". Was I ready for it? Was it too soon? Was I fooling myself? Was I making excuses cuz I was just plain tired of the hassle of counting?

How did I do?

April 1 weigh in: 332

May 1 weigh in:  321

Meaning a loss for April of 11 pounds. 

Pretty good for this ol' dog!

Hey, I think I'm on to sumpthin!! Perhaps I've finally turned the corner. I've done this whole deal long enough to know how, what, why, etc etc, ad nauseam. 

I had to ACCEPT the restriction, and stop fighting it. 

So all during my "time off" from blogging about it, I shifted my focus to my WHY. 

Yes, I did blog a little, but it was at my art blog (here).  I focused on my true passion, my reason for wanting to get healthy and lose this weight. I plan to continue this pattern for the most part, and see if it truly is where I need to be now, where this leg of the journey is leading me. I'm excited!

And this is for anyone who did NOT have a stellar April... hang in there, your time is a-coming. 

My book quote for today: "Find what works best for you. Always remember that you are trying to master yourself, not find a master for you." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

My quote for today: "I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed." --Vincent Van Gogh

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 988

APRIL 2nd I'm Still Alive!

Hi Journal & Friends,

Sunday night I had a dream.

I died.

It wasn't scary or morbid or anything like that. But man, it was so real! It came unexpected, and swift. There was a LOT to the dream, and I remember exactly what I said when I realized I was "there" and not "here" any longer: "But I'm not finished".

Like I said, there was a whole lot more. But the take away messages for ME was this:

None of us know when our time is done here. So live to our fullest NOW.

There is Love there. But also make sure you live in Love here, and NOW.

I feel in my heart I am not finished here yet, so I want to not waste any time NOW.

Master the Now!

Just yesterday (Sunday) I watched a video on Coach Dayne's blog, Coach Your Mind.  The line I wrote down from the video to remember was: Master the now!  I can see how that also worked itself into my dream.

I was going to write a whiny post about how I gained 3 lbs last month, and how I'm going to work harder, yadda yadda yadda. Well, it kinda pales in significance to dying!! Yes, I AM getting my rear in gear. And getting on with this. But not "to lose weight". That will be a great side benefit.

I want to get on with the program and lose the weight so I CAN live now, so I can finish my business here. So I can give that love NOW, in my own way.

Wow, what a dream!! 

I woke up early, feeling excited and bursting with energy and renewed motivation! Now... to add the ACTION to that motivation.

My book quote for today: "You can always do more than you think, you can always go a lot farther than you think." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."

My quote for today: "Success isn't a destination, it's a belief. Belief isn't taught, it's decided. When will you decide?" --Dayne Gingrich

Enjoy the Journey as long as it lasts,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 959