Tuesday, May 18, 2010

DAY 282 Self-Honesty & The Chocolate Bars

Good Afternoon, Journal & Friends,

Mmm... I looovvve chocolate!

I decided from the start that I would never go on another "diet". 
It had to be doable for life. And that meant it had to include.... CHOCOLATE! 

Since I don't eat sugar now, I finally found a yummy sugarfree chocolate bar, called Chocoperfection. The Dark Chocolate was very nice. But then I discovered the European Milk Chocolate version... Wow!

I mentioned before (I don't remember if it was here or in a comment to someone) that I had been doing fine with my calorie budget, until I lowered it to 1500 per day a few weeks ago. It's not that I am too hungry... I am just fighting it. Pouting. Rebelling. Resenting it. It's a mental thing. 

Well, last week I had a stumble. Yep...you guessed it... I ate CHOCOLATE. Too much chocolate. I busted the bank, and went over my calorie budget by about 260 calories.

So... I counted it. I analyzed it... I learned from it, and I moved on. I gave up trying for perfection a long time ago!

Then, last Friday I read this post by Sean Anderson (here)  that had me second guessing myself. Was I in denial? Was I making TOO small of a deal out of it? Was I in danger of totally derailing this thing, and running it into the ditch?? 

In his post, Sean talks about how we use rationalizations to make ourselves feel better about our bad choices. It really is an excellent post... I highly recommend it. 

During my analysis of my poor choices of that day, I had compared the event to the Old Me, and how she would have behaved. 

One stumble like that in the past, and the Old Me would have gone on a food rampage, using it as an excuse for a major food fest. Then later... maybe days, weeks, months, or even YEARS, I would finally get up the nerve to try again.

I didn't do that this time. 

I have already accepted that this won't be a perfect journey. Yet I don't use that as "permission"... thinking it is okay... go ahead, after all you are not perfect, and everyone stumbles at times, we are only human... blah blah blah. That's a bunch of hooey, a dangerous attitude... just an excuse that leaves an open door for failure. I hope no one is offended, but I really detest the line "after all, we are only human."

No, my goal is a Standard of Excellence, not a standard of perfection. It is to honestly do my best... and when I don't, recognize it, admit it, learn from it, and MOVE ON.

So... what about this chocolate event??

Why wasn't I more upset?
Did I not see how awful it was?
How disastrous? 
How dangerous? 
Shouldn't I be moaning and groaning? 
Shouldn't I feel wracked with guilt and regret?

NO. No, I shouldn't. 

It is serious, yes. And that night, I did feel kind of stupid and frustrated that I did that... but I refused to keep beating myself up. That was just not a helpful response! 

I think we need to be careful and not get myopic... to get all hung up on ONE event. We need to remember the WHOLE journey. To see the big picture. In the long run, I really AM different than I used to be. 

  • I am aware I made a poor choice. And it WAS a choice, and I am responsible for it.
  • It was a one time event in a day, not a weeks long (or longer) binge, such as in my past.
  • All it takes is one good choice to turn it around. And that is what I did.
  • This time, I didn't have an all-or-nothing reaction. I learned, and moved on.
  • This time, I've tried to be honest about it, but not over-react... to keep it in perspective.

Bottomline... me an' chocolate are still on speaking terms. In moderation.

From Dr Phil's book: "Take a problem-solving approach to emotion-provoking events."

My verse for today: "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."

My quote for today: "You can learn from anyone, even your enemy." --Ovid

Enjoy the Journey,



Lindsay said...

Oh sweet chocolate! Darling pictures:)

Ms. PJ Geek said...

!!!!I want to borrow that first photo of the lady with the coffee and the chocolate..that is my motto!!!!. can I snag it?

...Since i've decided my definition of my meal plan and abstinence will include chocolate daily if I desire it, It hasn't been such a big deal. I've had it some days, others not. I'm still losing weight. My blood sugars are good (I mostly eat sugar free). It is not driving me crazy. There were times when it wouldn't have been ok for me to have the option. It is Safer for many to avoid it. But for me, right now, I gets to have it and we 're doing fine.

Anonymous said...

:) Funny how some things really ARE relative. As much as I regretted my "binge" last Friday, as you remember from my post, I really did have to acknowledge that it was a far cry from what I used to call a binge. And so was my reaction. I felt badly that day. I felt badder that it happened the day before my challenge update. :} But, I got right back on the wagontrain.

I was able to see my mistakes and know that next time, I WILL EAT THE BANANA! In that the worst that will happen is that I'll have unneccesarily eaten too many healthy caarbs. sigh. so simple to see now... I mean really, what was I saving that banana for? Some unseen and instantaneous famine that could hit on the way home?

Anyway, like you, I can see that things have changed. I did have a moment of wondering if I had "gotten over" my crash too quickly. Now, 4 days later, I can say that I did not--because I'm still on the highway. :D I hadn't jumped over teh cliff and denied it. I'm still here.

And so are you. :D


Leslie said...

Wonderful post, Loretta. Progress not perfection. I love your goal of a standard of excellence, not perfection. I believe the real victory will making peace with food, and choosing an occasional indulgence such as an extra bit of chocolate that doesn't spell an inevitable backslide into hell! That is my goal. And definitely no beating myself up.

M Pax said...

This is so healthy. I'm cheering you on for this one. WTG!

Perfection is a trap I see people fall into time and time again. It always leads to a big derailment. Accepting that sometimes we're not so perfect is healthy. The goal is to make that choice less often than you used to. Which you have done. Wow. A big moment.

I used to have my 'controlled indulgence' night. I have not had one since ... a very long time. I did see Chocolate Man recently. But his chocolate is so satisfying and rich, one piece is all I need. I get my hit of licorice with it. It's the only way I seem to be able to keep licorice in my life in any way that satisfies me.

Any rate, look at you. I'm proud of ya! You've turned another corner.

snoconegirl said...

you did good..i love chocolate too..but now i very very rarely have it..i just dont need the calories..but your doing so good..you look wonderful...loveya,kelli

dailyseeking said...

I love your pictures!

CinciMom11 said...

Good for you for not going off on a binge! Did you lose control when you were eating the chocolate, or did you eat what you planned? I'm glad to hear you aren't beating yourself up over this. I'm certain you didn't excuse your behavior as you were enjoying a small indulgence - "Nobody's perfect; everybody stumbles." You ate a little too much chocolate (but likely not in an out-of-control manner), and you realized it and kept moving. You're doing great!

P.S. - Thanks for describing your lovely chocolate bars. Mmm, chocolate... :)

Sean Anderson said...

Your understanding of the mental dynamics along this road is something very powerful. You "get it," while so many don't. But the more you write and the more you discover about yourself along the way---the greater the understanding will be for you and everyone that reads this incredible blog.
I love chocolate too! I may have to get some today!
We're just living, you know? This is living---but still being aware along the way of the attitudes and thoughts that took us to our unhealthy weight. 100% self-honesty and responsibility is imperative---and you got it my friend. Reading your words make me smile.

Have a wonderful day,
My best always

Oh--btw---I love the pic on the side bar!

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Loretta, it sounds like you ate the chocolate in a normal. reasonable way. You DIDN'T keep on going with it, you didn't start eating other stuff, you enjoyed it and moved on...and 260 calories sounds like a normal amount.

You did it! You ate it like a "normal" eater. You didn't lose control of yourself, but you didn't white-knuckle it either.


Anonymous said...

I dont think 260 extra calories of chocolate is actually a big deal. If I were to go overboard its by a thousand calories, so 260 is nada!
You did fine, and actually chocolate is not as bad for you as other candy, its not even the worst for teeth (that would be gum drops and sticky stuff) So anyway, a little chocolate now and then is ok. My fave is Lindt chocolate truffles, they are 5 carbs each and delectable! (I only buy 1 at a time, no more bags of those for me, I learned my lesson last Christmas...) :-)

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