Thursday, June 17, 2010

DAY 312 Keep Looking Forward

Hello there Journal & Friends,

I just love my "peeps"!! 

Yesterday I got some great comments (you know who you are, mwha ha ha) that really made me think. They stirred up all kinds of emotions.

Gratitude... to have such a good bloggy friends, who would write caring, passionate comments.

Laughter... at the way some of it was worded.

Doubt... that maybe I WAS putting myself down and not realizing it.

Sadness... that I was not even halfway to goal yet.

The Warm Fuzzies... that you get when you feel someone believes in you and that you WILL get to goal.

Self-pity... that I can't honesty report--YET--all those wonderful changes that other people write about that they have experienced from their weight loss.

See... yesterday I was trying to write more casual. To just write from the heart. Because I need to just spit it out, and not spend so much time on the computer. 

Um... I'm finding that I am not very good at that, and it's gonna take some practice. (Practice at being spontaneous... does anyone else find that funny?!)  In the meantime, I might not make something clear enough, or might be misunderstood.

As of my June 1st weigh day, I have lost 124 lbs. To all you folks in the Smaller Stratosphere (to me that's anyone with less than 100 lbs to lose!) that might sound impressive. But in one forum I visit, I am a member of the Triple Digits Club. There are many folks there with a LOT to lose... 100, 200, even 300 lbs or more. So my loss really isn't all that impressive when you consider I still have 137 pounds to go to reach goal! It is helpful and important to keep it in perspective.

I am not trying to negate my progress. I have fought long and hard to get this far. I have had to re-learn a lifetime of unhealthy habits. I have had to change my thinking. In one sense, yes, I am proud of never quitting and making it this far.

BUT... for someone on a looonnnngggg journey, there is a real danger in always looking backwards at how much they have lost. It can give you a false sense of confidence. You start to think "Oh, I got this in the bag!" And you relax your vigilance, just a little at first. Then a little more, here and there. 

Then the next thing you know, you are wondering what happened to your passion, to your red-hot commitment? To the fire in your belly that would not let anything, anybody, any circumstance get in your way, or they would be steamrolled right over!

I felt that creeping up on me last week. And it scared me. And maybe that's a good thing! To keep that edge, that touch of desperation that says "I WANT THIS AND NOTHING WILL TAKE IT FROM ME!" And to always remember from Whom that strength really comes.

Self-pity is my greatest enemy right now. Remember, I am STILL carrying around another 137 lb person, 24 hours a day. I still hurt. I am still tired. I still can barely walk. My knees still scream for mercy when asked to perform.  I don't get too many of those fun physical accomplishments to report that others have experienced. Not yet I don't, anyway.

Do I still want this??


But, resting on my 127 lbs lost laurels will not get me to goal. 

Remembering how much I still have to lose, will. 
Remembering how much I want it, will. 
Remembering WHY I want it, will.

Thank you, my wise and thoughtful Bloggy friends, for those caring comments. They helped me more than you know.

So I will keep looking forward, not backwards, even as I try to live my best life NOW.

From Dr Phil's book: "Start behaving in ways that make you feel really good about yourself."

My verse for today: "I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise."

My quote for today: "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man's Determination." --Tommy Lasorda

Enjoy the Journey,



M @ the Woes and Throes said...

I suppose that with as many changes as your body has gone through, it's to be expected that you'd have some emotions to pop up and say, "Hey! What about meeeee???"
I have NO DOUBT that you WILL do this, Loretta. And I'm going to be here cheering you on. are very near the half way mark! :D

Anonymous said...

Well said, girlfriend, well said. :D

Uh-hmm. I do NOT have to practice spontaneity; I schedule it. "On Friday, between the hours of 1 and 4pm, I will be spontaneous." lol! Well, okay, maybe I'm not that bad--but it is close! chuckle. There are worse things. At least, I'm pretty sure there are. :)

You go, girl.


mamajuliana said...

Thanks for your kick in the pants post. I am on a long journey, but I have sort of stalled, too!

BTW where do you get all of the adorable pictures for your posts. Do you take them yourself...I especially like the ones of the kitties. I am afraid our man-cat Leon is not quite so cute and photogenic!

Thanks again for the post. I LOVE reading your blog!

Ice Queen said...

You are a wise woman.

Anonymous said...

Hi...just came across your blog....I look forward to following you :)

Christina said...

"So my loss really isn't all that impressive when you consider I still have 137 pounds to go to reach goal!"

Ugh! I know you said it's helpful to think that way, but still... I'm holding my tongue right now, Retta!!! :)

Comparing yourself to others can be dangerous. It's like comparing apples and oranges. Compare yourself to the majority of people your age at your starting weight. Where are they now compared with where you are? I just want to make sure you give yourself credit for being so amazing. Heck, what if I compared myself to you? You are so motivated, and you really stick with the program. How many times have I fallen off the wagon and binged for a few days while you've been Consistent Connie? How jealous am I that you have the strength to stay away from flour and sugar? You are SO COMMITTED. Anyway, we all have strengths and weaknesses. We have different tool boxes for this journey.

Your aren't halfway, but you are impressive. How far have you come with the mental battle? Not only did you start being healthy, but you've been doing this since August? I'd say you're more than halfway with the mental battle.

Okay, okay, I'm done... I just want to make sure you know that you rock. I know you said you aren't very receptive of compliments. Don't forget that you've earned these compliments and that you should acknowledge how amazing you are. :)

<3 Christina

Kat said...

Your loss is very impressive Loretta. And your insight is so helpful too. Happy Friday!

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