Hi there Journal & Friends,
Yesterday I included a quote from the movie The Day the Earth Stood Still:
"It's only on the brink
that people find the will to change."
They said it again a couple of seconds later this way:
"At the precipice, we change."
I've been rolling along for months, adjusted to my program, tweaking it here and there as I go when necessary. But I think I kind of skeered myself... and I'm embarrassed to write about it, and feel like I've let people down... I wanted my blog to be a place of encouragement and hope, not full of whining and excuses. Sigh...
See...I was doing a lot of thinking about what I wrote in Monday's post... how I wanted to live my life and prioritize my Time. I decided I wanted to make some major changes in my time management and my priorities... and yesterday... something inside went berserk! Like I was being threatened... and I felt as though I were spinning out of control, in panic mode. I used up all my calories way before dinner, and didn't want to even think about it.
What's that all about ???!!!! It felt like I was way back in March of 2009, when I decided to stop eating sugar and flour. I went through a similar time of resistance and panic and inner warfare!
I must be on to something important to be putting up this much resistance. If it just wasn't a good idea and no biggee, I could rationally think it through, assess the pros and cons, and come up with a decision.
But this is a totally out-of-proportion irrational response! And it's not on the "thinking" level at all... it's in the emotional arena. I'm confused and not sure why. In theory what I've been thinking about sounds good... so why am I digging in my heels in rebellion??! Being so stubborn about change??
My Mom used to tell me the story of my first day of school. We lived across the street from the Elementary school. The day came for me to start Kindergarten. She said that as we got out to the street to go across, I balked... that I literally dug in my heels, and she dragged, pushed, pulled, threatened, cajoled, and finally had to physically overpower me to make me go to school.
I don't remember it myself...just what she's told me. All I know is.. obviously I didn't want to go! And so I resisted and put up a fight, making it hard for a full grown adult to make me go.
That is how I feel now... like the scared part of me is saying "NO!" to change, to something new and unknown. It's embarrassing! I feel like such a hypocrite, someone who is playing a part, a pretender.
So I am looking inward, trying to honestly answer the questions as to what is scaring me off? What is causing this response in me? What is it that I believe to be true that could be causing this irrational response??
Like I said... I'm still a work in progress.
From Dr Phil's book: "Start behaving in ways that make you feel really good about yourself."
My verse for today: "Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name."
My quote for today: "The person who gets the farthest is generally the one who is willing to Do and Dare. The Comfort Zone Boat never gets far from the shore." --Dale Carnegie
Enjoy the Journey,