Thursday, April 1, 2010

DAY 235 Heart Attacks, Fools, Feelings & Weigh Ins

Hi there Journal & Friends!

Today will be a Mulligan Stew... a little of everything (can click on any pics to enlarge).

First, I nearly had a heart attack last night when I read Deb's post, explaining to her bloggy friends why she was shutting down her blog... and about the time my blood pressure was rising through the roof, and I was formulating my most brilliant argument for her to stay, for a comment... I scroll down to read: April's Fool!!!! AAaarrrgghhh!! She got me... goood. Stinker! 

But then I realized how much I care for her, and would have truly missed her... so it was a good thing to be so mercilously tormented.... mwha ha ha ha...

When I started my blog last August, I had no idea that I would care so much about people I've never met in person.. that I would feel you were  my friends. I am as surprised as anybody!

I am in the process of writing "Things I Learned From My Cat". But today I will share from it the one thing that has been a big breakthrough for me. I "knew" it before, intellectually. But I didn't totally live it. 

It is what I wrote yesterday: that we CAN experience intense emotions, and be okay. That is normal, it is Life. I thank my sweet Dusty for that breakthrough.

And last night, I was blessed with an "expansion" of that truth. Ruby/ScarletSimple, at A 252 Pound Journey To Being Free left me a comment that made me blink, and have a new thought. Here is what she said:

"Everything is more intense when we aren't numbing ourselves with food, and I forget that it isn't just specific emotions. It really is everything."

It dawned on me that I was only thinking of the negative emotions being more intense when we aren't numbed up with food. But really, why wouldn't it apply to ALL emotions?? 

To me, being an emotional eater is to inappropriately connect food in with all emotions. I ate when happy, sad, mad or glad. I ate to celebrate or when bored or anxious. It just pervaded all areas, in unhealthy amounts. It was "connected" with emotions.

Now I'm learning to keep food is in it's proper role: nutrition. Yes, it is nice to enjoy it. I DO love my morning flavored coffee!!  But it is not the end all/be all of every event and emotion. It is just nutrition, that hopefully tastes nice. (Okay okay, I admit that SOME people would say that coffee is not really nutrition...)

Anyway, now I am free to feel ALL emotions fully and richly, without the numbing effect or distraction of food. All emotions, the ups and the downs, will be more intense... real... rich and full. Well, that's my theory, anyway! ;-) 

Am I all wet?? Anyone farther down the road than I am, who knows if this is true?

And now for the last thing today: my Monthly Weigh In. Today I was 350, for a monthly loss of 7 pounds. That's not too thrilling, considering that on Feb 1st, I was 351, and went up from there. But, I am going in the right direction now, and have been making changes that I hope will help speed this turtle along. 

I feel encouraged again, and ready to rumble. :-)

From Dr Phil's book: "For you to succeed, you have to translate this knowledge, awareness, and insight into action."

My verse for today: "Come near to God, and He will come near to you."

My quote for today: "Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do."  --Johann von Goethe

Enjoy the Journey,



Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

I enjoy my morning flavored coffee too! (What's your favorite? Mine is Amaretto...but there is no real amaretto in there!)

Yep, that is SO mixed up with ALL emotions. I realized the other day: Remember Oprah wrote the book "Make the Connection"? Well, I'm trying to BREAK a connection (food and strong emotions)!

Those pictures were freaking me out...tomorrow I will show them to my kids. They will love them!

Sandra said...

Yup emotions and food go together most times. For me, it doesn't matter the emotion - sad or happy, I can easily add food into the mix. I'm glad you are sharing your learnings as I am learning with/from you. It is OK to have the emotions and fully experience them - without the food.

And like you, I feel a close kinship with all my bloggy peeps.

And that white rabbit above, looks EXACTLY like my cat :)

The Brown Recluse said...

I think that because the Good Shepherd came to give us more abundant life, that would include experiencing all the wonderful emotions abundantly. Food is used in every thing we do, funerals or celebrations, school functions, church's very easy to get food centered.
I always find such good "food" for thought when I visit here.

M Pax said...

I don't know if it's food that plays with the motions so much as all the other crap in it. My moods were all over the place until I started treating myself better. Now I feel more peaceful and balanced. But, I did eat to try to deal with the anxiety. It only made me more anxious. It feels great to break the cycle.

It took some time until I felt the light switch come on. About 2 1/4 years after I started. I attribute that mostly with finding the observatory. But, I can not deny that since I went organic, etc ... that I feel more balanced.

I was going to celebrate today with a box of licorice, but now I'm not going to. Shopping instead. :D

Deb is great. I would miss her, too. How did I miss that post? I shall go searching.

You are wrong not to fully celebrate your loss and let it fill you with happiness and achievement. It's an accomplishment. You did it. With all that was going on, you kept the scale moving down. Adjust them eyeballs and keep your eye on your triumphs. We are trained to diminish them. I say No. When I started to own them and not apologize for them, I but another block across the road to going back. :)

Let's happy dance.

Ice Queen said...

I disagree that coffee isn't nutrition. :P

Your recent posts are really hitting close to home for me. I appreciate reading them and am spending a lot of time thinking about what you have to say.

Thank you for being able to so well articulate the things I think and feel, yet can't seem to get out there. <3

Anonymous said...

Loretta! Awww, thank you for the kind words. i love you, too!

Love those pictures! chuckle.

And, your comments about food + emotions. huh. I, too, connect food (would love to put that in past tense. sigh) with all emotions. Good, bad and indifferent--food compliments them all. ...or so I thought. Maybe food just distracts from them all. huh.

All emotions. You know, Loretta, as I write this--I mean just this second--it occurs to me that maybe I am just as affraid to fully feel the loving, joyful emotions as I am the angry, sad ones.

I know that sounds odd--and it is just dawning on me now, but, really, as I look back to childhood, it really wasn't all that save to feel joyful, happy, loving feelings. Sadly, it wasn't. I won't go into that here, but happy feelings made me a target and almost always ended in hurt.

So, maybe you're on to something there. Am I choosing to avoid all emotions? (I know that wasn't exactly your point.) And as you proposed, once my system is balanced, will I feel all emotions more fully? I don't know. I am sitting here astounded at the fear that grips me at the thought. This is so weird...

Huh. Once again, girlfriend, you have given me food for thought. I have a feeling this one will appear on my own blog.

Once I'm done with the April fool's thing. :D

Thanks, Loretta. And, I guess we'll see about the emotions thing, won't we?

OH! Wahoo!!!! Congrats on the loss!! That is HUGE!!! HUGE!!! :D


Shelli Belly said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. A true friend.
The words Strength - Truth - Calm and Grace come to mind when I think of you this day.

cmoursler said...

yes loretta, you do feel everything more intensely..
okay how funny...
I just got a mental hitch where I almost wrote...there is a santa claus...all better now.
yes, you feel EXCITED.
I never felt excited before..
Now I can and do.
wonderful isn't it.
Sorry about your cat.
We had to put a dog down once, he was still young.
We didn't get over it for a few years.
At least Dusty lived a full life and died feeling loved.
Can't really ask for anymore.
Hugs to you.

snoconegirl said...

I love this are so right on the feelings..iam going thru so much of the same stuff..yea your back to the pictures...hehe..kelli

that TOPS lady said...

I think 7 pounds in a month is a GREAT loss! So what if you were 351 on Feb. 1st and then gained? That was then...that is over. Let is go. And be proud of the 7 pounds! You are doing awesome and you are so inspiring!

Ms. PJ Geek said...

Yeah! for releasing those pounds. We are both kinda back where we started earlier in March..poundwise. But we are moving forward in every other way. Have had some rocky moments. Have had some peace too.

Oh coffee. I even like the word. For me, it is
French Vanilla. For some reason I'm stuck on French Vanilla coffee. I'm already looking forward to having it in the morning. Eight oclock coffee. Dunkin Donuts. New England roasters. WHOEVER. French vanilla.......ahh

Anonymous said...

thats a great observation, wonderful gift from Dusty!
I have decaf in the AM and sometimes a mix of decaf and regular, but never flavored since I have yet to find flavoring that I really like that doesnt add sugar etc. What kind do you use?

Scarlet Simple said...

I'm glad I got to give you something of value in a comment because I feel like you always do it for me.

Despite knowing that food and emotions are connected for me, I am still struggling with it. I probably will for a long time, or even forever. The thing I can do is make good choices and try to mold new connections.

I don't drink coffee much. Mostly because everyone here drinks it hot and I like it cold. When I do drink it though my favorite flavors are a toss up between chocolate, cinnamon, and vanilla...whichever of the 3 I can get fat free. :)

And the above poster is right, celebrate that loss! The fact of the matter is that you GOT there. It doesn't matter how long it takes. ...And trust me, I know how down that can make you feel.

Diana said...

YOu know Loretta, it's really hard to feel the emotions, especially when they're painful. But it is part of life, the pain and the happiness. I really do think we have to experience some of the pain to enjoy the happiness more fully. Kind of sucks but that's just the way it works.

What do you mean 7 pounds isn't thrilling? Look how far you've come? Every time I look at your stats I'm just amazed. I really think the more we weigh when we start this jouney, the harder it is because it's so overwhelming that it just seems impossible. Makes it eaiser to just want to give up. But not you! You're in this for the long haul. 7 pounds is phennomenal! Great job!

Okay, about the pictures today...they creep me out! :) There's just something wrong with a dog's head on a bird or a monkey's body. ewwwww! :)

karen@fitnessjourney said...

That comment about everything being more intense when you aren't numbing yourself with food just taught me more than I've learned from months of reading blogs. There is a person in my life who I have always felt had a weight problem because she was not willing to ever deny herself or step out of her comfort zone. (I'll spare you the details!)Now I see that maybe she was afraid of facing those feelings. Thanks for sharing that Loretta.

On a completely different note, I ran across an article about knee pain that I thought you might be interested in:

Kat said...

Just catching up on your blog - congrats on the 7 pounds - that is great! I agree about the friendships that we have created - very good stuff...:-) Feeling supported is key in being able to release the weight for good. I feel more supported than any weight loss group I have been in. Keep up the good work Loretta.

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