Good Afternoon Journal,
Today is one of those days when I am glad I have routines set in place, so they can run on auto-pilot. I just plain don't FEEL like doing much...the blahs...But it doesn't worry me because I think life has ebbs and flows, like the tide. And I have the choice to influence my day by what I focus on...so I am choosing to think of things for which to be grateful...today it's little stuff. Like the baby hummers that are showing up at our feeder...the fact that there are no pressing duties today, I can just relax and have a quiet day. And NOT use food to make myself feel better. Right THERE is something that makes me feel better! LOL!
On to Question 4 from from Bob Greene's 5 Questions (I started here).
Actually, I woke up thinking about today's question, and I wonder if that is why I am feeling kind of melancholy. Okay, looked melancholy up in the dictionary to see if I was using it correctly: sad, gloomy, depressed, glum...
Well, that's not really right...I feel more thoughtful, reflective, with only a touch of sad for what might have been. Here is today's Question which brought all this on, with my answers from back in January 09:
Question 4: What in your life is not working?
My Answer: poor health, pain, fatigue...too late to have kids... too late for art career due to health...feel like what's the use of my art... for what?? why?? I wanted it to have meaning, to be of some use, to have eternal value, to be worth exchanging my life for it... my time IS my life…I forgot my purpose, lost belief in it...
Since I first answered this question back in January, I have worked through the answers, and dealt with the issues for the most part:
- Some of them were true, and had to be accepted, grieved, and let go.
- Some were partly true, and I needed to change my attitude about them.
- And then there were some that were only true if I ALLOWED it to become true...such as it being too late for my art, and losing my purpose.
For this question to have any value, I had to be honest with myself, and not edit my answers as they first came. Then I applied what I had learned from Dr Phil's book, The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution. I challenged each one with these questions, and responded with truth:
Is it true? (if true, then deal with it; if not true, then kick it out!)
Is it in my best interest? (to be thinking this, to believe this)
Is it good for my health? (both physical and mental health)
Does it help me reach my goals? (am I holding myself back by my own thinking)
The idea is to identify and challenge faulty thinking, and replace it with a positive internal dialogue...to tell yourself the real truth so you can do something about it if needed. But I found it frustrating to remember the challenge questions until I made an acrostic to help me: TBGG
Is it True
Is it in my Best interests
Is it Good for my health
Does it help me reach my Goals
We talk to OURSELVES more than all the other people in our life combined! Think about it...all the self-talk...is it helpful, positive, kind, loving, encouraging, your own best cheerleader? Or do we beat ourselves up and put ourselves down, fault finding and nit-picking so often that we feel defeated and hopeless....why try.
I battle this like anyone else. But I am learning. Some think that in the interest of being "honest" they need to report all their "stinkin thinkin"...but then they STAY there, they don't refute it, challenge it, deal with it. Consequently, they stay stuck in it, wallowing in the muck and mire of it all.
I don't want to do that anymore. I refuse! I will not "water the weeds", and allow the unhealthy thinking to grow...will not wallow in the self-pity and martyrdom...the "look what they did to me, this is why I am like I am now" stuff.
I need to face it, deal with it, heal it, and move on. Or stay stuck, and never make progress. The choice is mine.
And I choose life! I choose healing, forgiveness, optimism, and hope.
I have been criticized for having a "cheerleader" happy-happy positive talk blog, for being phoney...Well gee...let's see...how would I improve my life if I turned into someone who brightened the room by leaving?! If my nickname behind my back was Eeyore?? Remember Eeyore, the donkey in Winnie the Pooh? Always dismally glum, depressed, interprets life from a gloomy point of view...
Attitudes are contagious. I have the choice every day if I want to be an Eeyore or not. I choose NOT. I choose to face these old issues and deal with them, and not eat over them any longer. To deal with them and heal them, not just endure them...like a splinter under the surface, still there and festering. Yes, it hurts to face them and resolve them...just like it hurts to dig out a festering splinter. But then it can HEAL.
I want my thoughts, beliefs and attitudes to be healthy and to work FOR me, not against me...to help move me closer to my dreams and goals.
So let the arrows fly...I will gladly accept the title of Happy Cheerleader!
From Dr Phil's book: "Given your goals, how does your current thinking help you get there?"
My verse for today: "Be still, and know that I am God."
My quote for today: " Choice by choice, moment by moment, I build the necklace of my day, stringing together the choices that form artful living."--Julia Cameron
Enjoy the Journey,