DAY 120 Countdown to Christmas Challenge

Good Afternoon Journal & Friends!

So this is my report for Week 5 of the Countdown to Christmas Challenge started by Bella on The Beach. 

I started late, so Bella is ahead of me. But I can't believe it's only 16 days til Christmas! Having that little ticker in my sidebar has made me so aware of TIME passing. It has turned out to be a terrific little motivator for me! Who knew?! It makes me want to try harder. Time will pass, whether or not I do a thing. So it might as well be productive!

Down to business: my goal for the Countdown to Christmas Challenge was to exercise 5 days per week until Christmas. Did I succeed this last week?? YES. It was the hardest week yet, and I almost wimped out one day, but pushed through and did it. 

When my chosen Reward, a Crystal Salt Lamp, arrived, I told MyGuy to hide from me, and wrap it up for Christmas. I didn't even want to see it. I want my first touch of it to be when Christmas day comes, and I feel GOOD about myself because I have EARNED it. :-)

And here it is with colored lights in the center:

Today is also my weekly weigh in day. Last week I celebrated with a Happy Dance for losing 100 pounds so far. This week I had an unreasonable fear that I would have a gain, and be hanging my head in embarrassement! It's an unreasonable fear because for the last 2 weeks I finally set a calorie LIMIT of 1999, and have not once crossed that line. That is huge for me! 

Todays weight: 358, for a loss of 2 pounds.           

Before I started to count the calories, I figured I was doing okay because I was not eating sugar or flour. And I didn't WANT to add any further regulation... I rebelled at the idea, I resented it, I pouted about it! (see here about that)  BUT, it was a struggle every week to lose weight consistently. It doesn't matter WHICH plan you are following... they all must offer some way to REGULATE the intake. Sure, I wasn't eating sugar or flour, but I had no way to accurately regulate intake since I wasn't counting the carbs or calories.

I am still not eating sugar or flour, but now I  am counting the calories. It has proven to be a GREAT addition to my plan! Counting calories is easy for me, and I tend to be a detail person anyway. I like having a little chart, and at the end of the week I fill out the calorie total for each day. It sounds silly, but it makes me feel good to see my achievement written down and totalled for the week. Another gold star! :-) It's only been two weeks of doing this, but I can already tell this will work well.

I really think the key is to find what works for YOU. To tailor the plan, tweak it, modify it. Make it YOURS, so that you own it. So that you don't feel like it is some generic plan that someone else imposed upon you, and you secretly resent it and rebel. You know yourself... be bold and change stuff up! What if it doesn't work like you had hoped?? Learn from it, and tweak it again! You will get better at it as you learn. Just keep going!

While my "emotional appetite" doesn't appreciate being regulated, I can honestly say that I am LOVING how much limiting and counting the calories is helping me. I chose the limit... I am abiding by it. When my calorie budget is spent for the day, I am broke and I quit spending. No hot checks here! No bank loans or credit purchases. Cash only, please. 

:-) Nothing complicated here.

I am thinking that after Christmas I want to start inching down my calorie limit. I decided to be realistic, and not do it now (my Momma didn't raise no dummy!).  But after Christmas... look out, we're tightening the calorie budget belt!

Well, a girl can dream, right?!

From Dr Phil's book: "It's all about changing what you eat, why you eat, where you eat, when you eat, and how you eat, and doing it all in a way that is custom-designed so that it is natural for YOU."

My verse for today: "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way."

My quote for today: "The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. I think you can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price." --Vince Lombardi

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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Day 119 Day of Rest & Favorite Photos

Hi Journal & Friends,

Today is a quiet, peaceful day. I feel like this bear... just lazing around! Jim took this photo at Wildlife Images, in Grants Pass, Oregon. He is a "resident" there, a rescued bear. I wonder if he is as friendly as he looks!? (click pic to enlarge)

 

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 118 My Pink Went Poof!

Hi there Journal & Friends,

Yesterday shortly after finishing up with my Pink Post, I had my coffee, a small breakfast and my vitamins. A few minutes later... my tummy decided it did NOT want to be Pink... it wanted to be Green!

I realized I had left out a greenish-pink hue from the kind of days we can experience on this journey... ack! And probably a lot more shades of pink that I don't really want to find out the hard way!

I was soooo tempted yesterday to blow off my exercise. How do you exercise without jiggling your tummy muscles?? But my stubborn streak won out, and I did it anyway. I can't say it was the most "vigorous" of exercise routines, but I tried my best. Afterwards, I gave in and crawled back into bed. 

After a couple of hours of sleep, I woke up feeling much better. It turned out to be a Pink day after all.

From Dr Phil's book: "Change will happen because you make it happen."

My verse for today: "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever."

My quote for today: "What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists... and it becomes available only when you are in that state of mind in which you know exactly what you want... and are fully determined not to quit until you get it." --Alexander Graham Bell

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 117 Friday Favorites

Hi Journal & Friends,

It's Friday again, and time for:

So... what is your favorite color?

I love color. All colors. I go through cycles where my favorite color changes, but right now it's... can you guess?? 


PINK.

Pink is a great color. It has a bad rep for being a "sissy" color, when in fact, it is a powerful color. Pink is a subtle version of red, a strong color with punch. Add a little white to red, and you have Pink. Pink is a power color, sneaking in under the radar.

Pink can be in-your-face, laughing right out loud bright... or it can be soft and quiet, barely there, in the background. 

Pink is a versatile color. Add a little orange to it, and it transforms into lovely shades of salmon...

Add a little blue to Pink, and it leans over and turns into magenta. 

Add a neutralizing color, or even a little black, to Pink and it becomes a dusky, muted tone of Pink.

One of my favorite showcases for Pink is in Opal...  with different colors taking their turn to shine as the light hits them. 

If you think about it, our journey to health is like the color Pink. There are days when we are flying high... bright Pink days when all is going right and we are laughing out loud.

And then we all have "those" days... the muted, dusky gray-pink days, when it's a struggle. When life tries to interfere and side-track our focus.

But most days, it's just your average middle-of-the-road, ordinary Pink. The day to day business of doing the things we know to do. Of making the right choices over and over and over and over....until it becomes such a good routine that we forget it's there... a background Pink, a daily part of our lives. 

Pink is wonderful in all its variations... and our journeys will have variations, too. And I think that's normal, and okay. Today is a bright Pink smiling day.

From Dr Phil's book: "I want you to choose to feel calm and very relaxed. Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself as the someone you will become, a person with a greater level of dignity and worth who, for probably the first time ever, is finally going to succeed--for a lifetime."

My verse for today: "So do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded."

My quote for today: "Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." --Bill Cosby

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 116 If It's to Be, It's Up to Me

Hello Journal & Friends!

I'm still thinking about this journey, how personal it is, and how much we are able to help one another with encouragement and support. Yet at the end of the day, no one but ME can make me get up and DO the things I need to do... no one but ME is going to make that choice which decides victory or defeat. 

At the deciding point, I am alone.

This is an individual journey.

Alone, in private, with my own thoughts, is where the drive to continue must ultimately come from.

I must somehow take all the input, all the support, all the encouragement and inspiration from outside sources... and plant it all in my own heart and mind. I must protect it, defend it, and nuture it while it grows big and strong. So that someday, SOMEDAY it will be a powerful force that carries me along, and I will be able to give from my overflow, as my friend B once told me.

When I refer to being "alone", I am talking about people. I never feel alone in the sense that God has suddenly gone "poof!" from my life. No, I mean other people. I can't get dependent upon other people for my success in this journey. They are only human, and can't meet that kind of expectation. It's unfair and unrealistic of me to put that kind of burden onto anyone else.

For far too many years I expected my husband to "lead the way" in this quest for health and fitness. I set up expectations, and was disappointed again and again when he failed to meet "my" ideals. I can honestly say that I have almost... maybe 99.9%... stopped doing that. Now I celebrate who he IS, not who he is not. And it's fun to rediscover how much there is to celebrate!

Michael Beckwith says to look for the Blessin' or the Lesson in all of life's circumstances.

It surprises me to be writing this now, but I can honestly say that I am glad I started out this leg of my journey with no support at home. My only support at the time was a small online group of women who were consistent, in the long run, to their commitment to weight loss and health. 

In real life, I was forced to learn to be my own coach, my own motivator, to push myself to exercise, to keep learning what would work for me nutrition wise. To be my own "Jillian".

This made me stronger.

I talk to myself more than anyone else in my life. What I think, what I say to myself will make or break this journey for me.  I had no one checking in on me to see if I drank my water, if I exercised, if I ate right. 

If it was to be, it was up to me.

We need to get to the place that NOTHING will stand in our way. No reason, no justification, no situation, no rationalization. Or, better yet, call them what they usually are: excuses.

Yes, life happens. But too often it's something that I allowed to interfere in one way or another. Outside of my control? No problem, that's life. 

Within my control? Then it falls into the excuse pile for me.

Am I perfect at this? Of course not. I'm still learning as I go.  But these are my goals, the way I WANT to be, a target to aim at.

If this sounds tough, it's because I still have a lot of weight to lose. Being easy, being soft and casual and  "oh well, there's always tomorrow" GOT ME TO 460 POUNDS!

To have what I have not had before, 

I must be willing to DO what I have not done before.

And that means getting TOUGH, getting determined and focused and willing to do whatever it takes.

From Dr Phil's book: "When you choose your behavior and your thoughts, you choose the consequences that flow from those choices."

My verse for today: "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall."

My quote for today: "The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground."

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 115 Doing Our Own Push-Ups

Hello Journal & Friends!

Imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

Forget politics... I am talking the young, buff weight lifter Arnold. Hear his deep Austrian-accented voice as he said: 

"No one can do your push-ups for you!"

This journey is personal... individual.  There are no short-cuts. We can encourage each other, get inspiration from reading success stories, follow the stories of those we admire. 

But bottomline, it is the time spent alone in our own heads that will make or break us.

The battle is won or lost in the mind.

We must each do our own push-ups. 

We must each spend time asking ourselves the tough questions, and answer with honesty.

We must each learn to be our own best friend, cheerleader and trainer.

We must each make the effort to focus, to think, to "look into the abyss".

We must each have the courage to be uncomfortable for a season.

We must each get a backbone and be willing to fight for ourselves, to defend our journey.

We must each make the changes on the inside, in our thinking, and that will change our choices.

Heal the mind, the body will follow.

No one can do this for you. 

No one can do your push-ups for you.

It is hard work, but the results are worth it.

From Dr Phil's book: "For you to succeed, you have to translate this knowledge, awareness, and insight into action."

My verse for today: "We must pay more careful attention... to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away."

My quote for today:  "What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight--it's the size of the fight in the dog." --Dwight D. Eisenhower

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 114 The Life I am Now Choosing

Hello Journal & Friends!

Yesterday I celebrated finally losing 100 pounds. Typing that still causes me to smile. I am finally a member of the Century Club.

But what most people don't realize is how long this took me.

It took me a looonnnng time to get here. You could say... a lifetime.

I was put on my first diet at 10 years old.

I have tried at least 2 dozen different diet plans over the years.

I have spent way too much money over the years on exercise equipment that either I could not or would not use, or that injured me.

I have lost at least 100 pounds 3 times, and regained it all and then some.

I had to learn from my mistakes... what did and did not work for ME. To be willing to fight for myself, to design a plan that was totally tailored to me, my life and preferences. 

To be willing to try... and fail. And try again.

To be willing to be uncomfortable. 

To honestly face my behavior and ask myself the tough questions, and be honest with the answers. 

To blame no one else. To accept responsibility for my life. 

This was actually a turning point for me, accepting 100% responsibility for my life. At first I would argue, and point out what "they" did or said... what I was or was not taught as a child... what happened to me growing up... what this or that person did along the way... the illness that happened to me... the genetics I am stuck with... what God himself allowed to happen in my life.  

But I finally GOT IT that accepting responsibility for my life is not negating the impact of any of those events. 

What it IS saying is that what matters most IS HOW I RESPOND TO WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. And no, that's not just some "new age" touchy feely psycho-babble cliche. Rain falls into EVERY life, sooner or later. We can stand there and whine, blame someone else, feel sorry for ourself, play the victim, endure as the martyr, fill our soul with bitterness and unforgiveness.... OR...

Or what?? That's the point. How I choose to respond will determine my life. 

If I choose to work through it and heal and learn and get on with life, I will have created a better life than if I clung to the pain. It's my choice. Gotta admit here, for me I couldn't have done it without God. But even so, we all have freedom to choose.

I don't control what anyone else does... I only control my attitude... how I choose to respond to what happens to me.

Because if I embrace the idea that my life is MY responsiblity, that *I* created this situation due to my own poor choices... then it EMPOWERS me to create a better, healthier future by making GOOD CHOICES now. That's what I mean by creating a New History for myself. 

All of this is "easier" to write when you have just celebrated losing 100 pounds! I agree. But that makes it no less true.

I had to learn to change from the inside out. But until I made progress with the inner changes, I still slogged away at the "behavioral changes." What is the old saying? "Act as if..."

No, I do NOT take my success so far for granted.

I hold it dear... I am very grateful.

I make it a priority, and give it top level importance.

I defend it against all attackers... which sometimes can be my own thinking!

Do I go thru times when I feel like I just want "it" to be over? yes

Do I ever feel like quitting? yes

Do I ever have doubts? yes

Do I get assaulted with the lies that say it's too late?  yes

Do I get tempted with fear that I have done too much damage to my body? yes

Do I ever just want to be "normal" and not have to work at this? yes

Do I ever get overly confident about my success and get lax? Um... well, actually, NO!

It has cost too much, taken too long, and caused too much pain along the way, that I can honestly say that, so far at least, I don't feel overly confident. 

I am building a "new history" by making one good choice at a time. I am learning to trust that New History, and when times get particularly tough, I can not listen to the attacking voices and instead look at my New History of right choices. This helps silence those doubts and fears, and reminds me that change IS possible. That I CAN do this, and to just keep plodding away, day in and day out. 

It might sound boring, or ordinary... but that is the daily life of it all. Just plain and simple, not exciting or full of drama. Just making one good choice at a time, day after day after day after day......

Yes, I have lost 100 pounds. But I am not resting on my laurels. I still have 161 pounds to go!!! 

This is like a Triathlon... and I have completed the first leg of the race, with two more thirds to go!

From Dr Phil's book: "Nothing will stop you from being anyting other than healthy, vibrant, in shape, and fully in charge of yourself and everything you think, do and feel. This will happen because you make it happen. You have made the decision to step up and do what it takes to have what you want."

My verse for today: "Great is Your faithfulness."

My quote for today: "Dare to be remarkable." --Jane Gentry

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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