DAY 505 Bye Bye Hot 100, Hello New Year!

Hi there Journal & Friends,

This is it, the final update for Steve's Hot 100 Challenge!  

When we started, it seemed FOREVER away til the end. And now... it's over. 

I have mixed emotions. I'm glad I joined. Thanks, Steve!

Yet... at the top of this post, the little blinkie says: We did it! Well, it was hard to put that up... I don't feel like I deserve it. "THEY did it, but not ME", my inner critic says.

Being totally honest... I bombed out on this challenge. I really did. 

At least statistics-wise... and really, that WAS the whole point. To list your goals, then achieve them. 

Not cop out by saying... "Oh, but look at all this other stuff I learned (while I was busy flubbing up my challenge goals)." So, even though I DID learn stuff along the way... I'm just owning it. I flubbed up. Period.

I had only 3 goals: calories, exercise and vitamins. 

The only one that survived my hand surgery was taking vitamins. Well, gee, that WAS the easy one. ;-)

The next best one was calories. Had a few rough days. Most were so-so. But I ended up rebelling at counting them... so all I can say is... look at the gain for Dec 1st weigh in! That says it all. As Dr Phil would ask: And how's that workin' for ya??

The exercise: yes, I used my hand surgery as an excuse. Then the hand infection. Now this cold I caught from Jim. Never fear... there will always be many excuses from which to choose. 

What's that saying? "If you WANT to, you will find a way. If you do NOT want to, you will find an excuse."  Uh huh. Guilty as charged.

I'm disappointed, yes. But even though the previous paragraphs might sound harsh, I'm not "too" bummed out. It's just I am trying to be honest with myself, and not downplay and justify my lack of focus and progress, in order to make myself feel better about it.

In fact, with all the "other" stuff I've been learning lately, I feel pretty good, actually. I visited Disappointmentville briefly, then picked up my bags and blew town! I've moved on!

I am sooo ready for the new year, and my new goals and new attitude. I am excited for what's to come.

Even though I didn't do too well (okay, I did lousy) at this challenge, I appreciate all the time and effort Steve put in leading it. If you are looking for a challenge some time, I would highly recommend catching one led by Steve at Log My Loss. He is very supportive, and it's fun being a part of one of his challenge communities, and I really enjoy his weekly motivational videos. You can visit Steve HERE.

Tonite I have a date with Dick Clark, since MyGuy ALWAYS snoozes in the New Year. See ya next year!

From Dr Phil's book: "It will happen because you have made the decision to step up and do what it takes to have what you want."

My verse for today: "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him."

My quote for today: "May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung." --Bob Dylan

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 504 A Shift in Attitude

Good morning Journal & Friends,

Normally I've been doing my Hot 100 update on Thursdays. But since tomorrow is the official last day of the challenge, I'm going to wait until then to wrap it all up with a bow.

I've enjoyed reading the different posts on New Years Resolutions, or the continuation of plans and goals. I've been thinking about this year, what I've learned and accomplished... and what I did NOT get finished.

For instance, when I started the Hot 100, I had hoped to whiz on down the 300's, and bust into the 200's by Jan 1st. Not gonna happen! In fact I weigh more now than when I started the challenge.... sigh.

But in spite of that disappointment, I sense a shift for me. A different feeling for this next leg of the journey. I've been working on my goals list for the coming year, and it has a different feel to it.

I plan to post the finished version on January 1st... but the new feel for ME is more of embracing and welcoming the changes, rather than striving and clawing after them. 

I am no longer searching for that "aha" moment, that next big revelation, some deep and mysterious "answer" or missing link. I already know what to do, for me. It's just a matter of continuing the journey. So... the shift is in my attitude, I think. 

• That feeling of desperation in the beginning that was the raw power to get me going has shifted to more of a certainty, a knowing, a calm determination.

• It's a more relaxed feeling, yet still putting forth the energy to achieve my goals.

• I want to joyfully embrace the stuff I'm going to be working on, not fighting with it.

• To focus on gratitude and living NOW, even while focusing on this journey... that balance thing.

• A sense of celebrating who I AM,  not who I am not.

• I would like to see the scheduled routines transform into genuine habits that are smooth and automatic. 

• I'm not focusing on a number, but rather on the sense of joy, peace and accomplishment. The numbers will follow as a result.

• Bottomline, I'm feeling like it's a done deal... it's already out there, just waiting for me to get on down the road and arrive! 

Over the holidays, there have been several times of garden variety overeating. Yet there was no drama and browbeating... just a swift course correction. Not like in the past, when I would make it a huge deal, get all upset and full of drama and sometimes take days, weeks, months or even years to get my head back in the game.

It was different this time. More peaceful. And I was excited to hear a weight loss coach talking about how "normal" people overeat all the time... little bits here, a special occasion there. Yet they are conscious of their actions, and make immediate course corrections. They balance it out. It's natural and normal for them. 

Hearing that gave me hope I was heading in the right direction! I am trying to let go of the idea of always being so rigid and exact about it, and instead learn to balance it out, like regular "normal-sized" people do. It's on my agenda for 2011 to practice this... we'll see how it goes!

From Dr Phil's book: "You succeed because you make the right choices, you choose the right attitude, and you enact the right behavior to generate the right results."

My verse for today: "Come let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation."

My quote for today: "There is success floating between all or nothing." --Mary Pax, Wistful Nebulae 

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 503 Roasted Mouse, Anyone?

Hi Journal & Friends,

First, thank you for the nice comments from yesterday's grumpy post. My hand is much better now. No more throbbing...unless I am careless and bump it! Another round of general antibiotics, while waiting for the results of the culture, so we can specifically target these little resistant buggers!!

On with today's thoughts (it doesn't hurt to type now... yippee).

Last April, shortly after losing our 16 year old Dusty, I wrote a post called Things I Learned From a Cat (here).  Dusty was special, and had her own way of communicating with me.

Well, on Christmas day it seems my two current furbabies, Butterfly and Vevie (rhymes with Stevie), had another thing to teach me.

This Christmas day was the first time in many years that Jim actually had off work. And I was so not used to it, it didn't even occur to me to plan a special meal. I just spaced it! 

So there we were, Christmas Eve, and it finally dawned on me that it's not the usual, just me eating left-overs. Jim would be here! 

What to cook?? What's in the fridge? Anything in the freezer I can thaw? Eek! All the grocery stores were closed, and I wasn't sure which might be open on Christmas day.

Oh sure, there was a lot of food in the house. The "usual" stuff. But... it wasn't right. It wasn't special. It just wasn't "Christmas-y". 

Huh??

So it got me thinking... why was I all in a dither over what I was going to fix?? 

Then I looked at Butterfly and Vevie. They were not fussing over their "special" Christmas meal. To them, it was just another day, just another meal. A little kitty chow, and we're good to go. They weren't throwing a hissy fit because they didn't get Roasted Mouse for Christmas.

And I realized that for me it wasn't about the food itself. We decided to try to find a store open and buy ribs to make BBQ spare ribs for our special Christmas day meal. But why?? Cuz I was lusting for BBQ ribs??

And I was kind of happy to realize that no, it really wasn't about the food--for once! It was about tradition.

All growing up, my Mom would cook a special meal for Christmas. Something we didn't have all the time. Well, with 4 kids to feed on a blue collar workers salary, lets face it... ya don't have prime rib every week! And she would make something special to go with it, like yummy side dishes, and Indian Pudding or homebaked pie for dessert.

The point is... it was special. And I realized THAT was what I was longing for. Not the food itself... but the feeling of "special". Of tradition. Of nice memories. Of nostalgia.

So yes, after we played Santa and enjoyed visiting my sister and my nieces, we discovered an open store and found sugar-free punky pie and spare ribs. 

We rented a cool movie from Blockbuster, Inception, and had our traditional "special" meal after all. 

It was nice... a "normal" feeling, that it was not about the food. It was about tradition and memories and all that.

So thank you, Butterfly and Vevie, for reminding me what's really important. 

From Dr Phil's book: "You now have a concrete plan of action in place for living a healthier, richer, and fuller life. When it comes to managing your weight for a lifetime, make use of everything you've been given..."

My verse for today: "Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."

My quote for today: "If you don't see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner." --Zig Ziglar

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 502 Grumpy Toon Tuesday

Hi!

Not really in the mood to type today. Made an unexpected visit to the hand doctor Monday afternoon. 

He got to play with his scalpel, while I got to play "brave" while he cut and squeezed. 

Got to the car afterwards... asked Jim "can I cry now??" 

He was so sweet... "Yes". 

I did.

Be back tomorrow.

Enjoy the Journey... not so much today. Tomorrow will be better.

Loretta

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DAY 501 Getting Back In Focus

Hi there Journal & Friends,

Been asking myself WHY these last 6 months have been so difficult, progress-wise. What changed??

When I read a post from Diana, at Diana's Weight Loss Journey  I think I found part of the answer.

 Focus. 

Nothing exotic or earth-shattering. Just a simple lack of focus.

FOCUS

hub

topic

heart

accent

priority

nucleus

concentration

subject matter

center of attention

pay particular attention to

the center of interest of activity

the act of concentrating on something

This last summer, I had been blogging for 1 year. I wanted to shift from writing ABOUT life, to living life. I was spending soooo much time blogging, I had no time to DO the stuff I was losing the weight in order to do!

So... brilliant tactician that I am, I decided to blog less and live more. Great plan, right??

Except that I lost some of my focus when I did that. I haven't learned how to keep totally on track, the balance. One main reason, noted in my sidebar, for starting my blog in the first place was to keep me FOCUSED!!

But the blogging is a tool. It can't become a substitute for life! I need to learn to live a focused life, and DO the healthy stuff out of routine. To live my life in a healthy way, and not be distracted. Not use being busy with the LIVING part as an excuse to neglect the HEALTHY stuff.

This in not an either/or deal. I need both. I need the focus, but I need the LIFE!

So... that is what I want to learn. I guess I got ahead of myself, thinking I had this Focus thing down, when I obviously did NOT.

Back to focusing on Focus, and learning that balance!

From Dr Phil's book: "To change your weight, to achieve permanent weight loss, you have to be totally, consciously in charge of yourself and everything you do, think and feel... use that control to create the healthy "you" that you deserve to be and have."

My verse for today: "Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever."

My quote for today: "Do not wait; the time will never be just right." --Napoleon Hill

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 499 Happy Birthday, Jesus

Hello Journal & Friends,


This is the first Christmas day in many years that MyGuy has not had to work! So it's extra special today for me. :-)


I would like to wish all who read this a warm and wonderful Christmas!

Christmas Hugs,


Loretta
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DAY 497 Hottie Update & Optimism

Ho Ho Ho Journal & Friends,

Getting a late start on today's update for the Hot 100 Challenge.

Basically, I had a nice week! Perfect, nope, not even close. But a NICE week. I reigned in the calories and did well there. I got MOST of my vitamins taken. The only one not up to snuff is the exercise.

But the biggest thing I was happy about was of a different nature... in the category of "aha". Something had been niggling at me... just out of reach. I couldn't put my finger on why it's been so hard, and why it felt like an uphill battle to get enthusiastic again.

Last night it hit me... it was actually nothing new. It was that old "all or nothing" mentality trying to say "Why try, the Challenge is almost over, the year is almost over... just coast until the New Year."

Oh no! Please say it ain't so! I didn't REALLY fall for that old trick?!! 

But yeah, I can see now that I did. I was just waiting for it to "be over", and then I would start a new push, a fresh start, in January.

Instead, I have decided to "practice" up for the new year, the fresh start! I may have bombed out as far as my Hot 100 goals... but I am not quitting. I am continuing, and going out with a bang!

I am going to remind myself that every decision counts. Every effort helps move me a little bit closer to my goal. It matters! 

It will all add up in the end. I am not going to beat myself up for the missed opportunity the Challenge had offered. Instead, focus on what I CAN do with good choices.

And I feel good about that... hopeful and optimistic.

From Dr Phil's book: "Continue to press on with an optimistic spirit."

My verse for today: "When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way."

My quote for today: "The difference between perseverance and obstinancy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't." --Henry Ward Beecher

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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