Friday, March 19, 2010

DAY 222 Trying Not to Feel Discouraged & No Excuses

Hello Journal & Friends,

The Perfect 10 Challenge is concluded. I've been reporting on it's progress for the past 10 Fridays... it feels strange not to do that today. Funny how we get into habits, routines.

Since it ended, I have been struggling to continue with a structured exercise plan. Yesterday I wrote out a new exercise plan, now I just have to do it consistently. Part of the struggle, I think, is the discouragement that is trying to rear it's ugly head.

Looking back over the years, I can remember telling God that I just could not do it again and fail yet again, it would break my heart, it would kill me. I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep, begging God to help me... even angry at times and wondering why He didn't.. then feeling guilty for those same feelings... asking over & over & over & over: what is wrong with me???

Well, this month of March is my 1 year anniversary of eating no sugar or flour. And I have been officically counting my calories, faithfully, for 4 months now. I started at 2000, and have worked down to 1700 so far. I weigh... I measure...

According to all the "calorie counting" website calculators, taking into account a low exercise ability, I should have a daily calorie deficit that creates a solid 2 lb loss each week.

So, why am I tempted to be discouraged?? Because in the past 4 months, I have lost a total of 8 pounds. Eight. That is an average of .5 per week, not 2 pounds.

Yes, there are other victories along the way. There is getting stronger in mind and body, there learning and growing. But... bottomline, there must also eventually be LOSS OF FAT. Or something's wrong.

I have not gone off program, except Wednesday night, at 2 in the morning, when I ate an extra 300 calories of chicken. I was hungry, I was fixing the meals for MyGuy to take the next day (he had to leave extra early), and I KNEW I was telling myself the excuse: so what? you are not losing anyway... just count it towards the next day, since it is 2 in the morning...

Yeah, right. The first step of rationalizing. Then there will be a next step, then a next.

So, that has to stop. I will NOT count it towards the next day. I will start fresh, and just admit that I chose to write a hot check on my Calorie Budget, which was at zero for that day, already spent.

And, remember that when I get tired and hungry, and discouraged and angry about the "unfairness" of it all, the self-pity is strong enough to influence my thinking. So, watch out! I allowed it to be an excuse... and that's the kiss of death in the long run on this journey!

God knows when we are down, circling the drain... and sends us encouragement. 

Yesterday I received a comment on my blog from Ellen, at Weighting Around (HERE) . I went to her blog to say hello, and saw a post I had previously missed. In it, she had a link to a little 20 minute film called "The Butterfly Circus"(HERE). It was beautiful, and encouraging, and I cried. And was encouraged. I highly recommend it! Thank you, Ellen, for that. 

 "Never Too Late To Dream"
(can click pic to enlarge)

From Dr Phil's book: " You must never relax your watchfulness over your thoughts, feelings and actions... have a keen sense of alertness, self-monitoring."

My verse for today: "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."

My quote for today: "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."  --Albert Schweitzer

Enjoy the Journey,



M Pax said...

I can relate both as a fellow weight loser and as a fledgling writer.

8 pounds is gone. It may not be what you were hoping for, but it is a steady and healthy loss. The number is moving in the right direction. Your focus is in the wrong place. Attitude/perspective adjustment is in order.

If you continue, you will have lost 50 pounds over the next year. That's nothing to sneeze at. That's probably the rate I lost my weight, since I lost about 100 lbs over 2 years.

I took the focus off the scale and put it on where it needs to be - my health. Whether I was losing weight or not, what I was doing was healthy and good for me.

How discouraged and frustrated do you think I feel some days when another rejection rolls in? Pretty damn much. That was my mood earlier this week. Then Husband reminded me how much they love my readings at the library, that the published dude was really impressed by me as were other published people the time before that. Then I look at all the hard work my friend Kim is putting into my trailers and my snazzy new business cards. And, all the time my brother is spending on my website. People don't do those things unless they believe.

If you need another challenge to keep focused, then I issue another callenge to keep on with the Loretta 10. One of your goals is to learn to enjoy treating yourself better. So whatever you pick to do during this challenge, you must learn to enjoy it. :D

Hang in there. It's just a bad day. We all have them. A bump need not be a train wreck.

I have to land on the right desk on the right day. The only way to do that is to keep submitting. So you keep your chin up and your enthusiasm, and I will do the same.

The glass is half full. Btw, I sent Kim [video genius] the link to your Yessy site. She says: How can your friend not think she's professional? That's crazy.

Exactly. Because you're fabulous. Until you learn to feel it for yourself, I'm going to keep reminding you. :D

Joanne said...

I hate to bring up that sore subject of how many calories we should be eating. Of course I haven't done a thing for three months but that is what happens when I don't weigh measure or record. Could 1700 be too low calories - I know my body needs 2200 for fuel at 230 pounds. There is that whole starvation mode and your body might be holding on to the fat - arghhh this whole journey is full of questions and reasons for success and sadly failure.

But lets look on the bright side you are 8 pounds down -- EIGHT gone forever and sometimes (I dislike this too) slower is better. Slower off the body gets used to the new weight.

You just take care and stay the course - its a good one.

Katie J said...

I wonder if you might benefit from meeting with a nutritionist/dietician to determine what a good daily caloric intake should be for you. I do about 1400-1600 cals and have lost 60 lbs. in 63 weeks. I would like it to be faster and I am hoping that more activity will get it going faster. Every body is different so I am not saying you should do what I do but it might be worth looking into.

Hope you have a great weekend!

The Brown Recluse said...

I know, I know, I KNOW what you are talking about! I have prayed/begged God to help me, and I ride a rollercoaster of emotion on why He seemingly is not. Instead, I seem to get only bigger. I've asked Him repeatedly to renew my mind, change me from the inside out because I can't do it. I don't understand...but I keep asking. Surely there is freedom for someone like me. Freedom from the constant obsession. When I'm on a diet, I'm obsessing about every calorie/fat gram/point, and feeling like I've "blown it" when I eat a morsel off plan. Obsessing about my binge when I'm on a binge. Frustrating. I'd like to be just not think about this anymore. To eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full. Freedom.
However...for good thing about losing slowly, actually two good things. The slower it comes off, the more likely it will stay off, and the less likelihood of saggy skin.
You are often a source of encouragement for me. Could it be that your body is readjusting and soon you will be dropping weight again that's more encouraging than .5 lbs/week.

Deb Willbethin said...

Aww, Loretta, I hear you. I'm not going to give you any bright side pointers or advice. I'm here in the "what weight loss?" trenches with you.

Well, except that I have eaten terribly several times this month--and you haven't. And you've lost EIGHT pounds, and I've gained FIVE.

Uh-hmmm. See what happens when you not only get stuck, but then try to eat your annoyance and fear away? Clearly, you already know that doesn't work very well and have stuck to your plan despite the miniscule results. (I've told you in past posts that you're so much more mature than I am.)

So here's the deal. It stinks. AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FAIL THIS TIME. YOU'RE NOT.

I'm proud of you, Loretta, for hanging in there so faithfully. You've done well--and I know how hard that is. (Obviously, since I caved in!)

We're gonna get this done! I KNOW 2010 is goING be our year. I just feel it.

You and I are both going to turn our round little faces to the Son and soak in some hope. Yes, we are. He will show us what we need to do from there.

"May the Lord bless us and keep us and cause His face to shine upon us and be gracious to us...and give us peace." Numbers 7:24-26

Here's to victory, girlfriend--to victory!


cmoursler said...

8 lbs. that is a lot.
look at your average 5 lb sack of potatoes.
I know it doesn't help when you should be losing more.
But you could have GAINED 8 LBS.
that would have been truly awful.
Great job on keeping going in the face of what seem like overwhelming odds.
Hugs to you loretta...
and chicken is pretty frickin tasty...
nuff said.

Leslie said...

Glad you're just putting the thoughts and feelings out there. That way they don't stay swirling around in your head, eating away at your resolve and purpose. You're moving in the right direction, Loretta. You're not going to fail. Neither am I. We just may not succeed as fast as we wish!

Ms. PJ Geek said...

It seems trite to just say ' hang in there '..but darn it ...that's is what we have to do over and over and over again. I like 'Keep on , Keepin on' better. What else can you do?

You know I understand about being disappointed in the "reward" for "my effort" with weight loss after a 6 month plateau. I let go of a lot of frustration when I gave up belief in the formulas and belief in the concept of 'if I do this I will lose this # of pounds this week and by this date I will weigh this...'. It seemed that I didn't beat up on myself when I didn't match up to whoever thought up these formulas.

I firmly do not believe that any calculation or formula is exact. Maybe for a few, but this is not a 'One size fit's all '. It has never calculated out correctly for me and most nutritionist or professionals always tell me the same thing. You body gets used to what it knows and holds on to maintaining. I think we all are unique-have unique metabolic issues, unique mobility issues, genetics, etc. Our bodies strive to maintain balance and maybe you are at a place where the amount of effort physically and the caloric intake are in perfect balance for mostly weight maintenance.

My nutritionist tells me to use the "Fit" concept regarding exercise..Change the frequency, the intensity, or the time to try to shake up that balance. Calorie-wise, I like the idea of getting to eat a couple of thousand calories a day. My reality is I lose weight at between 1400 and 1500. It's just hard to do while being scrupulously honest.

Keep on !..Check out this link from Ruby's website

snoconegirl said...

hi have done alot already 8 pounds is alot..and look at the amount you had lost before just need to keep will get better but you have to make it that way have to choose to want to get this off and do your hardest to keep at it..its an everyday thing and its not a diet..its a way of life..we have to keep a smile on our face and keep on truckin..we have to burn the calories and keep a positive attitude about it all..i loveya and i am here for you whenever you need some always support me and i appreciate every bit of it...keep goin..i loveya,kelli

Nancy said...

8 pounds is good, not great, but good. In 4 months I have lost just 1 pound, LOL so I think you are doing great.

Well each day we learn a little more about the combination of things that need to be in place for real weight loss to occur. I am low carb but have never counted calories and have to admit that maybe I should. Also I read on the Heart Scan blog that dairy products cause a unique rise in insulin not caused by other fats and so now I am thinking, gosh I eat too much cheese and butter even though its not much, its too much for weight loss I guess!

And I say I guess because all I can do, is find new bits of information and then test them and it could be that cutting out dairy might cause me to gain weight (though, knowing how much of that stuff I eat, I seriously doubt it!) So its all trial and error you know, and if you are not gaining during your trial and error, you are doing good.

Exercise daily is what I hear we need to be doing. A friend on facebook said when she excercised 4 times a week she did not lose weight, but when she kicked it up to 7 days a week, she lost ten pounds in 2 weeks. Then another friend said her husband just exercised 3 days a week and cut out junk food and lost 14 pounds in 2 weeks. Obviously what works for one, does not work for the other.

I think some people do not have the capacity to gain as much weight as others and then they sit there skinny, thinking they have done something to be that thin when really there is so much we dont know about body types, and genes. All we can do is implement what we think might work.

I never think that anyone is making excuses when they cant lose weight because I myself struggle so miserably at this and I know, its easier for some and harder for others and it just is and yes you can count calories, cut out carbs and exercis and still only lose 8 pounds in 4 months. Why? I dont know. Its as much a mystery as why my husband used to eat 10,000 calories a day and weighed only 167 lbs for years and years and now he eats less than 2 thousand and weighs a hundred pounds more!!

I say continue the good fight! We will make it one day and the fact that it was such a struggle will inspire more people than that woman on the yogurt commercial who goes to get her clothes taken in at the cleaners. THAT woman is so annoying! All she did was eat lots of yogurt and suddenly needs her flipping clothes taken in? Uh, I think not. Also the commercial with the woman who suddenly decides to eat "whole grains" and then she is telling her friend at the laundromat that she needs to shrink her clothes because she lost so much weight. UM. LIES LIES LIES.

The only way the weight goes, is this way.

dailyseeking said...

Better to lose the weight slowly-it will stay off! Happy Spring!

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