But I don't want to give the impression that I'm trying to hide anything, or mislead. I just really didn't know what to say. Or that what I thought of to say wasn't worth saying. I hadn't changed anything that I was aware of, yet the scale was creeping UPwards. My conclusion is that it was a combination of several things, that all added up.
So... the last few days I've been doing a lot of praying, thinking, praying, reading, praying, and more praying! If you don't believe in prayer, or in a relationship with the living God, that's okay, I respect that. But I do, and I've been met with kindness, graciousness and encouragement.
And I really did need that encouragement! I'm looking for the answer to one question: "What now?"
And for me, it starts with my relationship with my God. Back to basics, if you will. Programs are fine. Books are fine. Plans and lists are fine. Blogs, dreams, goals... all this is fine and has a place. They are great tools.
But for me, they need to come AFTER the relationship. I don't want to get the cart before the horse. Get so busy that I forget that love relationship with my Lord, the one who loves me best.
How do I do that? Hey, I'm not the expert here, that's for sure. All I can say is, it's about focus... priorities... the intention of my heart.
If you loved a person, but forgot to include them in your day, your plans, your thoughts, your TIME... how loved would they feel? Wouldn't they think "Gee, you're getting kind of self-absorbed, dontcha think? Remember me??"
I don't feel guilty, condemned, or anything like that. I feel quite loved, actually. :-) But I'm just working on getting my priorities in line.
And this morning I listened to a podcast that confirmed to me that I'm on the right track. It was Dr Loyd (author of the Healing Code book I've talked about HERE a little) and he was asking the question: are you doing things to GET love, peace and joy, or are you doing things OUT OF love, peace and joy??
He said if you are doing things to GET love, peace and joy, then it can get hard; you can get tired, burned out and feel like you are always chasing it and it's just out of reach. It will just seem so HARD! Um... kind of how I was feeling about this weight loss journey.
But if you are first filled up with that love, peace and joy, then it flows OUT from you to others. That thing you are doing, working towards, or the goal you want to reach will not feel so hard; you will have that energy that comes from being full, not running on empty. And it will seem a lot easier, not an uphill battle. You will be working out of a place of love, peace and joy, not chasing after it.
Well, like I said, I'm no expert on all this. I feel like it's time to dig deeper. I've gotten too comfortable; stalled in my journey. That's weird to say, that I got "comfortable", seeing as how I have such physical pain right now.
Yet, I got comfortable in my mindset, not wanting to make harder changes. Not wanting to shine the light into the corners where I held on to the "familiar" and safe stuff. But to make progress, I need to do that now. To trust that even while uncomfortable, it will be okay. Because I don't walk alone. My God is leading the way into those dark corners, shining the light and showing me what to do next.
It's an inside job, this journey. Always has been. The rest follows. How did I forget that??!
My book quote for today: "Research indicates that the average person thinks approximately fifty thousand thoughts per day. This is either good or bad news because every thought moves you either toward your God-given potential or away from it. No thoughts are neutral." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle
My verse for today: "I will restore them because I have compassion on them."
My quote for today: "They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progressess too fast!" --Dr Seuss
Enjoy the Journey,
Loretta
=^..^=
DAY 1076
16 comments:
:o! I posted today, too. I couldn't figue out quite how to say what you just said or to explain exactly how I was feeling about what I did say. That line, about whether you were doing what you were doing to GET love, etc or doing it FROM love, etc--absolutely is the attitude that under-girded what my post contained.
I'm adding a link to this post onto the end of mine!
God is good.
Deb
Yes, what Dr Loyd said about doing things OUT OF love, peace and joy really struck me, too.
So glad this helped. :-)
Oh my! We three seem to be going through similar things.
God is drawing us back into His arms. Is not that cool!
I will listen to that podcast after John has finished with the highlights from the Olympics. We are very proud of how the Kiwis are doing in London. Two Gold Medals in rowing within an hour. Wow! Tremendous drive and commitment.
God is Good.
Blessings
Reminds me of things I remember being told about how God works hardest on those he loves and expects much of... something to that effect.
It's not always easy to trust that everything will work out and that all your hard work is worth it. And yet doing the work with a happy, faithful and content heart is its' own reward. And what a reward that is.
While it is tough to work towards a goal while balancing that with being grateful, it is so worth paying attention to being willing to do this. What seems to be a strange conundrum is actually something that can only be achieved through faith after all. It's a demanding concept...
I just discovered your blog and love it. Losing weight is not for the faint of heart and not comfortable but then neither is being fat and in pain. I am in the same boat. I just started my own blog to document my weight loss journey. I need to lose at least 150 pounds. Over the years, I have lost and gained probably 1000+ pounds. This time I am determined to get it right. I am worth it. So are you!
~Lolly
livinginalollypopworld.blogspot.com
Gratitude... yes, you are so right. And to have it before seeing the final results... I like what you said about it being its' own reward. :-)
Welcome, Lolly. Thank you for stopping by. I hear ya on losing a 1000+ pounds over the years... been there, dun that! I wish you the very best on your journey, you crazy cat lady, LOL!
Totally off topic....but I used to know someone with your nickname and first name on bookcrossing.com - I'm just wondering if you are the same person.
I am cestmoi at bookcrossing.
My blog is www.the-4walls.blogspot.ca (DownwardTrEnz)
Nope, not me.
I went to bookcrossing, though, out of curiosity. Sounds like a fun project! A while back I gave away some books here, and still have several more. I just might check into joining bookcrossing! Thanks for mentioning it. :-)
It is an inside job. Remember love for yourself in there, too. In my post today, I named you as someone I admire. So remember you have L coming from me always, too. :)
Fixing ourselves isn't easy or simple. I know the place you're talking about ... I was there once, too. I had to figure out how to love what I was doing and how to make it less hard, how to make it something enjoyable that I want to do.
It was an attitude adjustment. As you know, easier said than done. I realized, I'm not like anybody else, and what's considered 'normal' these days isn't good for anybody. Look at all the health issues. They say 'normal' isn't.
Anyway, I wish you all success on finding that love footing. It makes a big difference. I know you'll get there, just hope you figure it out soon.
I remember your old posts, talking about some of the "stuff" you went through. And to see you now... it's just so amazing. You've truly reconstructed your life!
Thank you, Mary, for all your support and friendship. It means so much to me. :-)
Wow what a huge coincidence then!!!!
Bookcrossing is an awesome way to share your love of reading. I hope you enjoy it.
As always, right on, Loretta!
:-)
a wonderful entry
Thank you, Countrywoman, and thanks for stopping by. :-)
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