Hi Journal & Friends,
I was taught from the time I was a baby to soothe my feelings using food. To circumvent emotions with treats... good behavior bribed with the promise of goodies... to divert attention from hurtful feelings with food (for myself, I am planning another post about those details).
1951 age 7 months
1958 age 7
1961 age 10; taken to the Doctor
and put on my first official "diet"
1964 age 13
Lest you think I am "blaming" my parents, think again. I have learned this truth: we need to know from whence we come, NOT for the purpose of blame... but for understanding. For understanding ourselves, to help us change.
These days I vascillate between being embarrassed and ashamed of my slow, pitiful progress... and being grateful that for the first time in my life I have lost weight and actually KEPT it off, in the lost run. I've lost large amounts of weight before... but always gained it back and then some.
I've kept this graph since before some of you were born, LOL! I finally saw the pattern, and it was helpful in seeing and admitting how I used food as a coping mechanism, especially during major life events. Hmmm... I've gotta get this journey DONE... I'm out of room on the graph. ;-)
Can click to enlarge, in case you
want to know all the juicy details
As the graph shows, the longest I've ever kept it off in the past was 3 years... then the climb began. This time, it's been about 9 years. That's when I started the Dr Phil program in 2002. It's taken me a long time to figure stuff out. Slow, but permanent. I don't recommend "slow". It's just been that way for me.
This time is different. This time it's not about the food... it's not a diet. Oh sure, I had to find a food plan that fit my physiology. I discovered I am carb sensitive, so a controlled carb approach is fine for me. I can "do" it for life, and by not eating sugar and white flour, the intense, insane physical cravings are gone (wish that was true for the emotional eating part!).
Anyway... for me it's about changing from the inside out. Those of you who have it more together than I do, will have faster progress. I stumble along, discovering and rooting out faulty thinking patterns and excuses as I finally see them. And yes, I know there are more to go... or else I would be at goal already.
I prize self-honesty... yet if I don't even SEE my blind spot, it's hard to be honest about it.
I want to set high goals... to reach for that which I am told is not possible. To change a lifetime of ingrained habits. To reach a place of peace with food. To handle emotions, both good and unpleasant, healthily without needing some kind of buffer to soothe myself... in my case, food. Others use tobacco, drugs, alcohol, etc. Emotionally healthy people (the ones we tend to call "normal", whatever that is) have found constructive ways to go through life handling the tough stuff. I want that, too.
I get tired of this journey. I want it over. I want to live the rest of my life focusing on LIFE, not recovery from "using" food inappropriately. I don't want to spend what time I have left on this earth preoccupied with this journey and my relationship with food. Sometimes I get tired of the subject, and just don't want to write any more about it. Like... what else is there to say??
So... I have joined Debs Great Spring SlimDown to Summer, otherwise known as The GSSS. We are just going to give it our all, and see where that takes us. There are 88 days left til Summer starts, as of today. I want to push, to see progress.
I could really relate to what Deb said about this thing "stealing my days". Yep... I feel that way, too. This isn't some formal "challenge" or anything. It's a focus, a decision, a chance to bust through and make significant progress.
I liked how Deb is approaching The GSSS. The idea is to hit it hard, keeping in mind that there is an end in sight... the first day of Summer. I've always told myself "I can do anything if I know it will end." Not the healthy eating way of life... but referring to the hard push.
If you think you'd benefit from a fresh focus, please feel free to join Debs Great Spring SlimDown to Summer. No rules... no gimmicks... no prizes... no haranguing or "calling out". Like Mizfit says, we are our OWN Superheroes... we need to be internally motivated.
The GSSS is a reminder to push hard and see what kind of results you can get from now til Summer! Wanna join?
From Dr Phil's book: "When you kill time, remember you can't resurrect it."
My verse for today: "All things are possible with God."
My quote for today: "Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities. And go to work." --H.L. Hunt
Enjoy the Journey,