Hi Journal & Friends,
A quickie post, Part A...
It's 4am Oregon time... I'm up early to start getting ready for yet another teensy medical thingie this morning. Gotta get a suspicious mole removed.
I stalled and stalled, hoping it would just get better and "go away". Why? Well, why else does a fat woman stall undressing in front of a man she is NOT married to??!
Yep... shame over the ol' bod. It's high on my thigh, and I just didn't want my squishy, blobby, thigh-with-the-hanging-folds-of-skin poked, prodded and examined. Let's hope my pride wasn't a fatal mistake this time.
I'll be back later to do Part B, my Hot 100 update.
Got it done... get the pathology report back in 2 weeks. The effects of obesity reaches deep into our lives... like tenacles.
Did I mention the suspicious mole was at the upper part of my thigh? Uh huh... as I lay there during the removal of said critter, I was asked to hold my hanging tummy up out of the way. LIKE I NEEDED ONE MORE THING TO FEEL MORTIFIED ABOUT!!!!!!
On to more pleasant things. Like what a rotten week I had with the Hot 100.
Since I had been struggling, I decided to go back to using a little checklist for the rest of the year. I kept track of my 3 goals (calories, exercise and vitamins) all week. And at the end of the week, discovered that how I "felt" it went did not match with the written checklist. I definitely fell short! Ack!
So it was a GOOD thing to use the checklist. Shows me I can't just go by my feelings to evaluate my progress... they are tricky that way.
But it dawned on me last night, as I noticed on a blog that someone was going back to tracking their food... that it wasn't about the food for me. I needed to be tracking how I FEEL. In this case, the feelings would be clues.
I've allowed my focus to shift. I've been busy, and doing more "living", and been spending less time with all the inward stuff. The thinking, contemplating, tuning in to feelings, evaluating... all that...
And fell back into ignoring the WHY that is pushing me to want to eat more... or to use my allotted calories on "yummy" food, instead of nutritious food.
I dunno... there's got to be a balance. I just haven't found it yet! A balance of LIVING my life, and not having to spend all my time focusing on "weight loss". I think I'm going through one of those phases where I just want it OVER.
But... the journey continues. It will take as long as it takes. But I still think I can shorten it a bit if I will stop goofing around so much!!
Yep... frustration must be my "word of the day", LOL!
From Dr Phil's book: "By changing the way you think, you can change the way you feel and act."
My verse for today: "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
My quote for today: "More fun than the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile."
Enjoy the Journey,