Ahhh... Caturday.
Jim just left to do errands... the kitties are preoccupied and quiet. I'm feeling... confused.
A tumble of feelings.
Yesterday was... ridiculous. No, I didn't pig out. But it scared me how much I WANTED to.
I had a wonderful morning out shopping at the craft store with my sister and niece. That was the high point of the day.
They treated me to a delicious brewed iced tea from Wendy's. Mmmmm. And I was delighted that it truly didn't bother me when one of them had a chocolate Frosty... one of my favorites. I just felt like... hey, I can have that anytime, too. But I choose not to have one til I reach my goal. A nice feeling.
But later... the low part of the day. The part that I allowed to drag my feelings through the mud. An appointment with an attorney. Legal stuff is NOT my forte... it was hard to hear, hard to understand, hard to accept, and yep, hard to part with the money for it, LOL!
That's life. Ups and downs. It's normal.
But I still fight it.
I still want it to be all even and nice, and all positive and okay... I still need to handle the tough stuff mo' bettah.
I still need to be able to just sit with the crummy feelings awhile, know that they will pass, and be okay about that. That I will be just fine.
I don't LIKE the crummy feelings. I don't WANT to sit with them! I want them to go away. I want to avoid them. That's the biggest reason I used the food... to feel better, to escape the crummy feelings.
Honestly, if I hadn't, when I was teetering on the edge yesterday I might have tipped in the wrong direction. But I thought: no way was I going to bomb out THIS early in the challenge and have to admit that to everyone!
Yeah, it's a lousy reason, an external motivation, that kept me going. But at that point, it was better than nothing.
I am working on building stronger INTERNAL motivation. But until it grows stronger, this will just have to do. So... thank you Steve, for the Hot 100. It saved my bacon yesterday!
Today's Peek at the Past (No, no, no... this can't be! I just looked this one up from 1 year and 1 day ago... it just can't be! The title alone smacked me!!! "Is Happiness a Choice?")
From Day 46, September 24, 2009:
Everything in our life does not have to be perfect for us to find small pockets of happiness and joy tucked away here and there...we just have to look for them.
And the first step in doing that is to have an Attitude of Gratitude. Simply put... I'll find what I am looking for. The more I open up to being thankful, the more I see. This is not some kind of touchy-feely hocus pocus...it is solidly backed by scientific research. I'm not talking about those battling clinical depression, or even those in the midst of heartbreaking trauma... but about the average person dealing the stresses of daily living, which is most of us.
Don't like modern know-it-all scientists? How about Abraham Lincoln, who said:
"Most folks are about as happy
as they make up their minds to be."
Happiness is not an automatic state of mind, a way I feel with no effort. I must choose my thoughts each day. Working THROUGH my emotions is NOT always a "happy" thing...it can be painful and hard. But I look at it now as going through a necessary tunnel, and coming out the other end, with rich results.
(For complete post "Is Happiness a Choice?" click HERE)
From Dr Phil's book: "If you don't require much of yourself in this area of self-monitoring, your ability to maintain your goal weight will be weakened considerably."
My verse for today: "You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my god turns my darkness into light."
My quote for today: "I am showing up for life today. I am going to make the best of everything I have been given, and make the choice to live today out of gratitude." --author unknown
Enjoy the Journey,
Loretta
=^..^=
12 comments:
Cute pics today - the fire extinguisher and the light -
There's a metaphysical entendre in there somewhere!
Less "heat" and more "Light" please!
You may have wanted to give in to the feelings but you didn't. And that, my friend, is HUGE :)
The more you do that the easier it will be. Not that's it's always easy but practice definitely does help.
:o I am definitely hearing the Twilight Zone music now! What a flashback! Really. We may write a sci-fi short story yet.
My Day #2 went well, although I was physically and emotionally exhausted from Day #1. Truly it was an all around day from hell--which I won't hijack your blog to explain, but I wanted to eat sooo badly! I knew I wanted the "drug effect." !
I didn't eat for the same reasons you expressed. :D No way was I going to admit defeat on Day #1--huh-uh! chuckle. Well, that, and I rrecognized the enemy was stirring the water to sink me.
There were just too many unrelated, gauranteed to upset me, things parading through Thursday to be coincidental. And because the enemy over-played his hand, I saw what was going on--and I got ANGRY!
God uses what's there, Loretta, to get us where we tell Him we want to be. The fact is that if we were not "inwardly motivated" to succeed at this, no amount of challenge joining would have mattered. God just used that outside chalenge to rev up our inside stuff. :) We had to step over a lot of the junk to soldier on.
Day #3--here we come!
Deb
Loretta, I have what I call my "God" chair. That's where I go now when I need to sit with bad feelings. It's a big overstuffed recliner and I just sit there like God is giving me a big hug and I tell him everything I'm feeling. It very often helps me stay out of the food.
Hugs,
Mary
Hi Loretta! I'm so glad I found your blog through the Hot 100 Challenge. You're amazing and I'm so inspired by you. Thank you for sharing so much. I really want to come back and read more. I love this challenge already and I'm really feeling the good energy of all the people involved. I would love to be able to support you in any way over these next months and i will be back here for inspiration too.
Take care,
teresa
Love your post as usual... alway hits home! Thank you!!
Keep on with your positive thoughts and pushing out those yucky one!
~Margene
The lows suck and also make me want to stuff my face to temporarily soothe them but you have a great attitude--good for you for staying strong, even if it was due to external motivation. You still did it! Yay, you!
Isn't it awesome when you are teetering on the edge and something like a new challenge like the Hot 100 can just pull you out of it or at least prevent you from making disasterly mistakes! Good for you, stay positive and remember we are all with you! Keep it up!
Thanks so much for your comment on my blog. I hope you don't mind me adding you as one of my favorite blogs. Good luck on your weight loss.
You are welcome!
Sending a ton of ((((((HUGS)))))) to you. I hate crummy feelings too. Keep thinking positive! :)
Well i hope ou are feeling better now. Crummy feelings are going around, but hopefully with plenty of vitamins and soup, we will all feel better soon. :-)
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