MAY 17th Worm Breath... EWWW!!!

Good Afternoon Journal & Friends,

It's been rainy here in Southern Oregon for a couple of days. It's tempting to complain. Then... oh noes... not again. Here we go...  

Lessons From A Puppy #5

It's All In How Ya Look At it!

Yes, I was tempted to whine about the cold, damp weather. 

I missed the sun... 

I missed the spring... 

I missed the light, the brightness...

But guess what happens when it rains?? Why, the worms come up to the surface, so they don't drown. 

And what does any self-respecting puppy do when she encounters a real, live wriggly worm?? EAT IT, of course!! 

Joey wasn't complaining about the damp and drizzle. She was too busy having a blast running around the back yard, finding and eating worms... EWWWWW! Doggie kisses anyone??? No way!!

Below is Joey standing just inside her new doggie door. It's up next to a window, so Jim is making little stairways. The outside stairway is finished, so she is waiting for me to help her down on the inside. 

She was having so much fun outside, and even though she smelled like "wet doggie", I had to laugh. She was enjoying herself so much, and it reminded ME to check my grumbling attitude, and decide to enjoy my day. So many people are going through so much... I have nothing to complain about... I have MUCH to be thankful about. :-)

From Dr Phil's book: "What I want you to focus on is requiring more of yourself, starting right now."

My verse for today: "The works of His hands are faithful and just; all His precepts are trustworthy. They are steadfast for ever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness."

My quote for today: "When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." --Abraham Joshua Heschel, theology professor

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 641

MAY 13th Time to Bloom

Hello there Journal & Friends,

Blogger was acting stupid all day Thursday and I couldn't post this. So, I've just left it the way I wrote it yesterday:

Friday I am starting a new challenge with a Secret Partner. It's a "no excuses" challenge that will last til Sept 16th. The two of us are making up our own daily goals list, and will email each other our daily results... yes or no. Got it done, or not. No excuses. I've been floating too long, drifting and "trying". That's over. 

Tuesday I used a quote from Dr Phil that said:

"When you do things differently,

giving up those parts of your life

that have been self-defeating

for those which are self-affirming,

your weight, your health, and

your life change dramatically.

You acquire self-discipline

and strength."

My Secret Partner and I have each made out our own lists of "self-defeating" behaviors, and chosen our new lists of daily goals with the "self-affirming" corrections. And doing so has helped me see that I've allowed stuff to creep back in... and I've been a little discouraged at my lack of progress. 

Yet... at the same time, I was ENCOURAGED this morning by my progress. Kind of a weird paradox.

See, I went outside and was enjoying all the blooming plants in our yard. And I remembered how they used to look... and remembered that it takes time, persistance, hard work, and trust that it WILL pay off... in time. 

Not right after it's been planted... not in the winter... but in the spring, at the right time.

Here is what our house looked like, when we first moved in a couple of years ago. (As always, can click on any pics to enlarge)

We did a lot of work in the front.

Put in the concrete parking pad, and half circle drive, covered ramp, and landscaped hill.

Here is it after the plants were added, in April of 2010. They looked so tiny. :-)

And this is what I saw THIS MORNING!! That same hill (looking from the other direction) was busting out with blooms! I looked at that, and thought of my own journey... how I felt like I was coming out of winter, and felt ready for my own spring growth!

Here is the flower barrel Jim built last year, newly planted, with the ground all bare behind it.

And this is the same planter THIS MORNING, with all the flowers and plants behind it, all singing out loud, just bursting with "aliveness"!

The same thing happened with the barrel Jim built for our strawberries. Here it was from April of 2010, newly planted with dinky little strawberry plants... so new, so hopeful.

And sure enough, they grew and in May here came strawberries.

But then came summer...  then fall... then winter. I was sure they were dead. Early March of this year, I decided to scoop out all the dead leaves and debris, to get ready for a new planting. Lo and behold... there was LIFE under all the dead stuff!!

And now, with a little sunshine and rain, all by themselves, they have revived! And even spread out onto the ground next to the planter...here they are, bursting with new life this morning. :-)

I'm thinking I need to remember this is a process. And sometimes it might feel like winter. But if I trust, and never quit, and believe... I will grow and revive and thrive, too. 

And so I'm claiming that for myself. And that's why I am doing this new challenge with my Secret Partner. We both have felt like we are coming out of a "winter". And we are determined to have our Spring, no excuses. 

From Dr Phil's book: "It will happen because you have made the decision to step up and do what it takes to have what you want."

My verse for today: "They sought God eagerly, and he was found by them. So the Lord gave them rest on every side."

My quote for today: "This isn't forever, it's just for the rest of your life." --Jack Sh*t, Jack Sh*t Getting Fit 

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 637

MAY 10th Ducklings, Eaglets & Emergence

Good Afternoon Journal & Friends,

One fond memory I have as a kid was when we raised Sammy The Duck. My Mom got one of those little heat lamp contraptions, and we hatched Sammy from an egg. It was a great experience for us kids, and we watched closely every day to see if "our" duck was going to be born. And we all know how adorable a baby duck is!

We had a Cockapoo at the time, and Sammy must have imprinted on that dog, because when Sammy got big enough to run around in our back yard, he followed Missy EVERYWHERE. And I still remember stepping in "duck squirt" in our backyard. :-} 

 When Sammy grew up, we took him to Echo Park in Los Angeles, CA, and let him go. It had a huge duck pond with Duck Island in the middle, where most of the ducks slept safetly at night. We cried, but we knew he would be happier with other ducks (well, that's what Momma told us, and we tried to accept it). We visited several times after that, and much to our delight, a handsome "big boy duck" would come running/waddling up to us, quacking in recognition. 

I'm remembering all that today because I watched a fascinating video this morning of an eaglet being born. The Eagle parents were so attentive, sitting on the trio of eggs to warm them, gently turning them, checking them. Yet when the time came to be born, the parent Eagles did NOT help the struggling eaglets to emerge. The baby eagles had to do the work themselves. It took time... it was a difficult process. Yet in that process, they became stronger and continued to develop, so that when they fully emerged, they were ready for their new lives.

It's obvious where I'm going with that. As I watched the video, and remembered that my Mom would not let us "help" Sammy to hatch, I realized that I have frequently whined about how hard MY process of change is sometimes. I wish it were easier... I long for it to be over... I get tired of all the effort... yadda yadda yadda...

Yet, if the analogy holds true, then that very struggle that I pout about at times is what is making me stronger. Hmmm... yet another attitude for me to work on!

 

Baby Eagle Hatching 

(if you want to skip ahead, the eaglet first starts pecking out at about 4:40)

From Dr Phil's book: "When you do things differently, giving up those parts of your life that have been self-defeating for those which are self-affirming, your weight, your health, and your life change dramatically. You acquire self-discipline and strength."

My verse for today: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

My quote for today: "Everybody ends up somewhere. Few people end up somewhere ON PURPOSE." --Craig Groeschel

DAY 634

MAY 6th The High, The Low & The Fat Club

Hi Journal & Friends,

This week feels like it should get the Weird Week Award!

It had some great highs... and as far eating goes, one day of the WORST lows!! And there was no reason for it, really. No drama, no deaths or funerals, no tragedies or misfortunes. It took me a couple of days to figure it out, and then another couple of days to accept it, and not write it off as an excuse (which I admit, it STILL feels like to me).

So, here's the story. Monday kicked off the week with The High.  It was Jim's day off, and we went out to eat at a buffet type restaurant. I enjoy that, since I can be picky and try a bite of this and that, and still stay on plan. Well, I had the oddest thing happened... really, I guess it was a shift in my thinking.

Unless you have been VERY overweight, you might not understand this, but there is a kind of "club". Where one hugely overweight person sees another hugely overweight person, and there is sometimes a slight "look", a nod of understanding... and something unspoken passes between them, like yeah, I know, I understand.

Well, that happened to me several times at this restaurant on Monday. And I was astounded, looking back on it, to realize that each time it happened I was surprised... and almost resented it. Later I figured out why: 

I DIDN'T THINK OF MYSELF AS BELONGING 

TO THE FAT CLUB ANY MORE!!

Now, I know I still LOOK the part, and that is why I still get the "look", the camaraderie. But inside, I guess I am thinking ahead,  and I was amazed, surprised and delighted to discover that my perception of myself is shifting! This is a big deal for me, and I hope it's not just some kind of denial, but rather a good thing. I hope it means that I am changing on the INside, and the OUTside will soon follow.

But then.... The Low happened. It actually started at the restaurant, only I didn't catch it. The backstory: one of my symptoms from the Lupus is that the epithelial layer (the outermost layer) of the skin in my mouth, stomach, intestines, etc, is too thin. I easily get ulcerated spots. In the mouth, this means I have to be careful of acids, like lemon and vinegar, and also too spicy stuff, since I usually have one or more of these spots. 

Well... I goofed up and didn't ask, when I chose to try a new dish. It was tri-tip steak with mushrooms and onions. It looked so good! I shoveled in a big spoonful, only to discover about 10 seconds later it had an after-kick! And it just KEPT burning... I tried water, ice cubes... nothing was helping. I was on the verge of tears... I felt like I had been scalded. Jim remembered that dairy products were supposed to help neutralize spicy stuff, so off he rushed. He came back with a little bowl of... vanilla soft serve ice cream (only later did I think that I could have used sour cream or milk).

Now, ya gotta remember I haven't eaten pure sugar in TWO YEARS. But at this point, I DIDN'T CARE. I put it in my mouth, a teaspoon at a time, and just let it sit there. And yes, it absolutely did help. It tasted too sweet, but I didn't care. The fire in my mouth finally died, and I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of my meal, feeling silly for having not asked first about the new dish. Won't do THAT again.

But... when I got my sugar-free apple pie for dessert, guess what I did with what was left of the vanilla ice cream?? Yep, I figured oh well, it's just a little bit and I don't want to waste it... aarrgghhh! Echoes of past squirrelly thinking!! That should've been my first red flag. But... I didn't catch it.

Later that night (we had gone out for a late lunch), I was hungry again. Reeaalll huuunnngry. For something sweet. I started out with "just one" homemade sugar-free flour-free mini-muffin. Ended up eating them all!!!! By the time bedtime rolled around, I had consumed around 3000 calories for the day. Say what?!?!?! I still didn't connect this with the sugar. I mean, it hadn't been that much.

Anyway, some of us have substances that we react to. If you don't, feel blessed. You can eat all things in moderation, and it's no biggee. But I am very carb sensitive. I wish that some day it would change, and I can be in the "all things in moderation" camp. I just want to be "normal". After this episode, and it taking the rest of the week to get it out of my system and calmed back down, I'm not so sure it will ever change. I just don't know. Maybe in time, maybe never. 

But I've decided that if that's the price I need to pay to be healthy, then so be it. There are worse things. :-} 

Any time we have a goal, a dream, a desire, especially a hard one to reach, there might be "hard" things we need to be willing to do. I am finally getting that, I think. And not pouting and whining "it's not fair", like I used to. It is what it is.

If I were going to medical school to become a doctor, I'd have to give up free play time and buckle down to some hard study time and a hard work schedule. It might be hard, but it would be worth it.

If my dream were to be a marathon runner, I'd have to get my tush up off the couch and work hard at training. But it would be worth it.

If I were trying to change a lifetime of addictive food behavior and lose a gob of weight and get healthy... oh wait, that IS my goal!! 

So why should it surprise me that it will take a ton of consistent hard work to achieve it? Why has it taken me sooo many years for it to be okay with me that I might have to give up something, to let go of some preferences, to be okay with a "restriction" or two, or not rebel at telling myself NO!!!

Sometimes I just need to remind myself "it's time to grow up."

From Dr Phil's book: "I believe that what works in your life works because you make it work. You succeed because you make the right choices, you choose the right attitude, and you enact the right behavior to generate the right results. It is you who must create the life you want. And the choice is yours to make."

My verse for today: "For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth."

My quote for today: "Let us not be content to wait and see what will happen, but give us the determination to make the right things happen." --Peter Marshall

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 630

MAY 5th Workin' on the Tude, Part 3

Hi there Journal & Friends,

Well, by now I would HOPE my attitude has improved! I'm working at it... to transform my stinkin thinkin into an Attitude of Gratitude. It may sound all cliche-y, and cause some gritting of teeth out there in bloggyland... yet it's still a truth worth embracing. I had a rough couple of days this week (Tuesday evening and Wednesday), but will go into that in another post. Weird, since Monday was a GREAT day. Yet I am persisting... I am convinced more than ever that MY lousy attitude made a difficult situation much worse than it had to be.

One thing I've noticed this week... I started working on my attitude BEFORE the circumstances got better. Did my improving attitude change/affect circumstances? Or was it the other way around. Or was it coincidence. Or is it mostly my perceptions... how I'm interpreting/processing what's going on... hmmmm...

Anyway, one last time, another Check-up from the Neck-up:

BEFORE:  Whine whine whine... I was focusing on the problem, what I'd lost (my free time) and feeling sorry for myself. My pain levels are up, and doing my art was a way to recharge, renew, fill my life with joy and creativity. I resented losing that, and despaired ever getting it back again. 

AFTER:  Remembering what I have to feel thankful for, and that Joey is still a puppy and will learn manners. We will work out a routine, and I can learn to be more flexible and patient. I'm learning that MY attitude rubs off on to Joey. So I need to be calmer and less uptight over it all, and make learning more fun for her.

Also, Jim is halfway to finishing her Doggie Door. It has an electronic latch, and Joey will wear the "key" on her collar, so it reads her coming, and opens, then closes after her. We can also set it to Lock position, when we don't want her exiting at will. I'm thankful Jim is willing to spend the time and money to make this work... and to help teach her how to use it.  

Have I mentioned I am thankful I am NOT on Poop Scoop Patrol??

I left off in Part 2  with just having gotten Joey all calmed down on the front porch, only to have Butterfly (my 6 year old kitty) come strolling out to see what's going on. And Joey was starting to get jazzed again... So, I scooped her up and we went indoors, to see if she would take a nap in her new kennel.

I enticed her with her favorite chew bone, 

and her green cuddle frog...

Okay, I think I like this...

Slowing down and gettin' droopy eyed...

Yes! The baby is asleep! Tippy toeing away now...

Dream on! The minute she heard my powerchair leave, 

she was up like a shot. So... here is where she ended up.

Rock-a-bye baby...

Asleep at last... I gently put her down into her bed, 

and she was out for a couple hours. Ahhhhhhh...

Sometimes we really can NOT change the thing that is bugging us, causing stress. But I am in charge of my attitude. It's annoying sometimes, I'll admit, to be reminded of it... but it's still true. I don't know why I keep forgetting it, and seem to need repeated reminders. So... I made up this little poster:

From Dr Phil's book: "One of the most critical ways to stop this behavior is to change the way you think and how you interpret events in your life. What you think determines how you feel."

My verse for today: "Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go."

My quote for today: "The beginning is exciting, the end glorious... the middle is messy." --Christine Oursler, A Deliberate Life

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 629