Thursday, March 1, 2012

MAR 1st Spiders, Scales & Spouting Off


(If ya don't wanna read my rant, better not read today)

I hate spiders. Detest 'em. They are sneaky and silent. They hide, waiting to "get you" when you aren't looking. I didn't used to feel that way... until I was bit by a Brown Recluse spider a few years ago. 

I found the bite on a Sunday morning, and by the time I saw my doctor Monday morning (oh yeah, the office staff was very annoyed at my demand for a last minute appointment, but I didn't care!) the venom had created a crater on my hip almost 3 inches across, and a 1/4 inch deep! 

So spiders are on my hit list. Come into MY house... get squished.

I was getting ready to do dishes yesterday, and a big spider had the audacity to be IN my dishpan with the dirty dishes. Squish!!

Then it occurred to me... that unresolved issues are like spiders. You may not notice them, but they are there, waiting to strike. 

Why did I think that?? Because the previous day I was totally P.O.'d over something, and instead of dealing with it, I said "oh screw it!" and overate. When I saw the spider yesterday, I also saw my anger, and my unresolved issue. 

Oh, it wasn't a big deal. Not like what some I know are going through. In fact, I feel pretty stupid to have overeaten because of it! And eating a boatload of calories 2 days before my monthly weigh day?? Yep... not the most brilliant choice. So I deserve the 2 pound gain, putting me at 329. Sigh.

Am I still P.O'd?? Yes. But not over the original thing. Actually, I can't even remember what it was about! 

If I am honest... and what's the use of doing a blog if I'm not... I am feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. 

If I only talk about my "successes" here, I'm criticized for not being honest or "realistic", or whatever. If I share things I'm learning or discovering along the way, I'm criticized for being a phoney and having "aha" moments and just talking but not doing. And if I DO talk about my stumbles and don't have the numbers to put up, I'm criticized for "not being serious".

Pissed off?? Ya think??

The arrogance... the judgemental attitude... the hubris of some people, to insinuate that the only people that should have a "weight loss" blog are those that have their act all together!! 

What about the REST of us?? Those that are ON our way, learning as we go? Making mistakes, but never quitting? Determined to hang in there no matter what, until we hammer out a way that works for us? Until we reach that place where it flows and we have CONSISTENT success??

Those of you who like to judge, just remember this: there was a time when YOU TOO, were at the beginning of your journey. If you had been blogging then, willing to expose your mistakes and share what you were learning as you went along, how would YOU feel if others who were farther along looked down their nose at you, and decided they didn't want to be contaminated by you? They would support you AFTER you got your act together, not before. 

Pissed off still? Guess so. But I'm not overeating because of it. I am blogging it. And if you don't like that, don't read my blog. It's that simple! 

My book quote for today: "If you want something bad enough, you have the power to make it happen - no matter what other people have to say..." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash the Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in  you."

My quote for today: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." --Winston Churchill


DAY 927


M Pax said...

Aww, hugs. It's your journey. You're allowed to do it however you want. We're all different. Viva la difference.

The Brown Recluse said...

I've always liked your blog...and I think, t'were it me, if I were criticized and it bothered me, I'd delete and go on. Keep up the GOOD work!

Anonymous said...

Chuckle. so, this is the post I decide to read the day I make my comeback? lol.

You are absolutely right, of course. Which is why I took a bloggy break when things got tought here.. I fought the "everything must be sunny...all the time...or you're being negative" group as long as I could, posting my distresses along with my victories, but I guess it eventually got to me and I substituted spin for truth and quit blogging when I couldn't do it.

In fact, I kind of alluded to that in my "I'm back" post this morning. Hmm, I guess I said it in my farewell post before the break, too. I distinctly remember saying that I wouldn't post since I couldn't be chipper.

Yes. I could have written this post. It's a fine line, speaking truth. One ought not use it as an excuse to wallow in self-pity. And refusing to see possibilities isn't helpful. But, you know, sometimes the truth is hard to shine up and spin.

I'm not sure a blog is helpful, tho, if it becomes one more place where I have to monitor what I say and put a good face on everything so that I'm acceptable. I mean, can't I be just me on an anonymous bit of cyberspace that no one is forced to read?

I don't think one little spot is too much to ask. Rant on, WLW, rant on.


Rettakat said...

Thank you, Mary. :-)

Rettakat said...

You know, I really thought I had gone on. Then something triggered it, and I realized that I was bothered by it more than I had realized. So... guess it's like a pimple. Now that I "popped" it, it will heal. ;-)

Rettakat said...

Oh, and you're one Brown Recluse I promise not to squish! :-D

Rettakat said...

Oh noes, what a way to greet your return!!
But at least I do know you understand. Glad to see you're back, I'm off to read your post now. :-)

Nanette said...

OH HEAVENS! I typed you this really long comment about how I so agree with you and I was trying to type a blog about this same thing earlier today.

I like my people human. I like imperfection. I like knowing that I'm imperfect too and knowing that IT'S OKAY. And that everyone gets to take a different route to health. If it were a world full of people never making mistakes, wouldn't that be boring?!

Anyway... I'm sending you all the love in the world today.

Low Carb Daily said...

I like that... MY BLOG, MY RULES!

Rettakat said...

Thank you, Nanette!
I love the quote by Salvador Dali: "Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it."

Rettakat said...

I made that one day when I was feeling feisty, LOL!
It's a snippet from the painting I did on my husband's motorcycle helmet, and I just added the words. :-)

Jules said...

the quote sums it up nicely

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." --Winston Churchill

MargieAnne said...

You make me laugh. I'm not sure that is a good reaction when someone is PO'd

Spiders are NOT my friend and we don't even have much in the way of poisonous ones. They just plain give me the heeby-jeebies.

Stay honest. That's what blogging is all about.Blessings my friend.

carla said...

I always love your wisewise rants.


Judy said...

Amen sister!

carol said...

So glad to know you're human.....makes me feel quite normal. It is reassurring to know that I am not the only one that struggles. Thanks for being you!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

I like reading all kinds of things. I never really know what will appeal the most or mean the most to me. I guess it's just like with friends irl. You take the good with the bad and don't 'break things off' unless there's a real reason to. I appreciate that you let it all hang out. It's obvious that you try to be positive, but we can't be all happy, happy, joy, joy all the time. You're honest and heartfelt and that's the best!

Judy W said...

You know....I think life is just this way. A series of failures and and downs....rights and wrongs. As I get older and hopefully more mature, I am learning that PEOPLE don't walk in these shoes of mine. PEOPLE don't know me like God knows me. PEOPLE most often hide their true selves to portray this image of perfection that is merely a facade made from low self-esteem. PEOPLE can kiss my fat, rotund, squishy you know what! Embrace yourself when others criticize. If we don't...the age old cycle of self hatred and condemnation tries to creep back in and we say to hell with it all....what's the use anyway. I know the self talk. I heard it for 50+ years. Truth is...PEOPLE have no right. Only God has the right to tell me when I've messed up and HE does it with love and gentleness. So...PLLLLLLLTTTTT on PEOPLE. What do they truly know anyway? (((hug)))
Always love,

Judy W said...

Oh...and the spider thing. I'm with ya baby....shudder....squish on!

The Brown Recluse said...

Haha...I didn't even catch the irony of that!! Glad you won't squish me...and glad I didn't get squished by the storms here yesterday.

spunkysuzi said...

Definitely your blog your rules!! I really don't understand why someone reads a blog if they're just there to criticize them. "hugs"

Joy said...

Girl you keep at it ~ no matter what anybody says. It's your journey! You have things you need to work out, do it. Just don't quit and don't let anyone bump you off of your plan. I'm with you and know you are on your way!! Keep focused!!!!

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