Saturday, February 5, 2011

FEB 5 Hot Under the Collar

Hello Journal & Friends,

Okay, first... thank you Abraham Lincoln.

I once read his biography and was impressed by his method of handling his generals during the war. Whenever he was angry, annoyed or otherwise ticked off, he would write it down and put it into his desk drawer for 24 hours. Then, if he still needed to chew butt, he did it with more respect and calm.

Friday I read a blog post that totally p*ssed me off!! 

I. Was. Angry. 

I had HAD it with that kind of crap. I was tired of reading arrogant drivel that hurt people who were struggling.

And boy oh boy, did I crank out an incendiary post in response! I was hot under the collar, and let 'er rip!

Right before I hit Post, I remembered Abraham Lincoln. I knew *I* would feel better if I blasted my post out over the interwebs. But... would I really help anyone, or would I actually hurt someone??

So I sat on it. And instead, did something dumb.... I felt angry and rebellious... and I overate.

Yep, dumb, dumb, dumb. Okay, in proper self-talk: a poor choice.

This morning I received this lovely comment from Nancy at Hot Mom Days-Cool Author Nights: "I love your blog for its "Retta-ness" very artsy and calm and encouraging. Don't change it." 

Little did she know the storm that was brewing! Oh, the drama. 

Well... I dunno. Maybe if I had let it fly, I would have felt better and not overeaten. Or, I might have regretted all the drama and worried I might have hurt someone. 


Anyone have this figured out?? Wanna share how YOU handle this kind of thing??

I'll leave you with the one thing I had fun making for that hot under the collar post, a blog button for myself:

From Dr Phil's book: "Ultimately, only you - and you alone - are responsible for getting your weight under control."

My verse for today: "Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth."

My quote for today: "Everything you do in life, I don't care, good or bad - don't blame God, don't blame the devil, don't blame me, blame you. You control everything! The thoughts you think, the words you utter, the foods you eat, the exercise you do. Everything is controlled by you." --Jack LaLanne

Enjoy the Journey (hmmm, good advice that),


DAY 540


The Merry said...

I think the cathartic benefits of typing out your anger are very great even if you never press Send.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm. I just read a blog that I usually don't read, but the person follows me and had left some nice comments, so I followed her and hopped over today. She began today's post with a comment about yesterday's post that made me stop reading today, and move to yesterday first. :0!

The steam is still hovering in the air and it's been HOURS since I read that crap. I wanted to say lots. But, what I did do was leave a terse comment stating that after reading her post, I now understood more fully why some people hesitate to be honest on their blogs.

Then I unfollowed her and blocked her from following me. I will not support that. There's only one blog I follow that has that kind of abuse on it and you know my reasons for that.

I was appalled.

It's probably a good thing that you did not sully your own post by responding when you were angry. A bit of time will give you the right words if you need to heal wounded hearts.


Anne H said...

I already knew last week and I told you -
the best thing for yourself is forgive!
For your own sake.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Sometimes forgiving involves letting go of the person who did the hurting. And this is coming from one who has had to let go of so many that I have felt very lonely at times. You'd be amazed though, after time, all of the good things and people that fill those spaces. It can be tough not to let others negativity affect us adversely. I have learned though, that at least for me I did end up carrying that around on my body in the form of extra weight. Then when I let it go, it practically fell off. I was amazed at how a little self care definitely took the place of the negative garbage and I didn't need to 'eat' my feelings to have a full life. Just my thoughts, of course.

Anonymous said...

Instead of actually forgiving, I just try to avoid crazy and mean people. They are not my cup of tea, nor am I their cup of tea. I like to stick to the postive people like you, my dear.

Anonymous said...

Avoidance works well for me too. If I read something on a blog I don't like, I just don't read that blog anymore.

I don't think anyone has ever left me a mean comment or anything like that before either and I think if someone did, I would just ignore them. I prefer not to engage with anyone...but that is what works for me.

bbubblyb said...

I think typing out your feelings is a good thing and then sitting on them if you feel they were typed in anger. I tend to try to sleep on that stuff to give me time for more thought and to give myself time to cool off. Most times I don't send what I wrote but I still feel much better for having wrote out my thoughts. I hope you feel better about it all.

MargieAnne said...

Hi Loretta

Is it safe to talk now? *silly giggles*

Hope you're over the anger.

Truly not worth the energy.

You could always wait a day and send an email ...
modified to take out the heat if necessary.

Hope you have a delightful day being creative.

(and sleep better than I am right now)


spunkysuzi said...

I have to admit there have been a few posts where i've felt compelled to comment. Banging away on the keyboard and when i finished my comment i just couldn't send it!! I'm feeling the same way i don't know whether that was the best course of action or not.

Jules - Big Girl Bombshell said...

Oh yes..that impulsive wanting to LASH out...First, I want to say, that I have come to realize it is that holding in my anger or hurt, not knowing what to do with it, that usually sends me running full speed ahead to something sweet and chocolaty. What I have tried, and still working on this, if I have an anger response..YES, I write. I write in my offline journal. I get it out, no holding back THEN I seem to be able to write a little more assertively rather than aggressively..if that makes sense. (doesn't always work out that way but it is what helps me)

Christine said...

whenever something makes me really mad..I have imaginary conversations saying everything I would LIKE to say until I can whittle out the hurt. Then I say what I should say. It is usually straightforward and honest and there is usually a request in there somewhere. lol.
rehearsing is a very good way to whittle out the cuss words.

dailyseeking said...

I'm reading the best book called: Press Pause Before You Eat by Dr. Linda Mintle. Very good book on why we eat and the way we use food. If I get angry, I try to self-talk my way out of it--life is too short.

Karen Elizabeth Brown said...

I have a spiral notebook that stays around just for occasions when I need to write to someone about their not so nice antics. Granted, there isn't too much writing in it, but I have discovered that it takes quite a while to write out my feelings longhand and by the time I've finished, I don't have as much steam to talk with food, or type anything that might hurt someone, including me.
I love your button! I think I might hire you to design one for my blog! (Hee Hee!)

Anonymous said...

I've always known you were a spunky fireball! Even calm and encouraging people can have a firey core! You know I don't know that it matters how you respond to certain people, some mean people will take EVERYTHING you say, the wrong way. I had that happen to me this weekend on facebook, and realized that I am now better off without that person who was a timebomb waiting to go off on me. Still it makes me sad, and wondering what I could have done different. When I am really upset I cannot listen to my books on tape, I CAN take a nap though, and that seems to be better but leads to too many naps. Eating and napping. Not a good plan huh!!!!! I look forward to reading the above comments for better ideas!!!!

PeacefulBird said...

I'm totally in Nancy's camp... Retta-ness ROCKS!

I don't have a clue what happened to make you hot under the collar and I'm sorry that the old not-now-Retta solution prevailed. However, a bad ju-ju post would probably hurt you more than a bout of overeating. Writing about it in a "this is what happened and this is how I feel about it" might be a possible way to deal with it.

Over the years of blogging (beadlust), I've had a few hurtful comments made, each of which sent me into a mental tizzy, forgetting all the wonderful, supportive comments I'd received. Each time, I responded by rationalizing, by writing a blog explaining why I thought or did whatever had been criticized. That didn't really help me to feel better.

Diana said...

Oh boy, have I been there before, and unfortunately, the first time it happened I hit the post button. All hell broke loose. It was horrible. Beyond dreadful. It was over two years ago, and I still cringe thinking about it.

After that miserable experience, if I read something offensive about another blogger, I don't respond to the offensive blogger. Instead, I go to the other blogger's blog (the one that's getting beat up) and post a supportive comment. I ignore the hater. I don't mention his or her name. Ever. They shall remain nameless. That's my best way to insult them.

The reason is that it doesn't do any good to call them out on their bad behavior. It only adds fuel to the fire. It makes the hater hate even more. I also stop reading their blog. I love how they say it's their blog and they can say what they want. Cracks me up. Like it's their God-given right to be mean and spiteful. Well, I'll read what I want, and I don't want to read that cr*p. I take them off my blog roll and never think about them again.

Anyway, I'm not sure who or what made you mad, but I'm glad you let it go. I know it's really hard to do, but Abe would be proud of you (and I am too!).

Beginning Anew said...

I connected with you via another person's blog. I have to admit, your post made me wince a little and ask, was it me you were mad at? I sometimes post about proud moments or succeses - is that wrong? I certainly don't want to discourage anyone in their efforts.

Would you mind to clarify - I am new to the blog world and would appreciate your input. I have noticed, not many folks comment on my blog - I haven't figured out why.

As far as what I do when i get really mad - I usually wait it out for awhile. I like the Abe Lincoln idea. I am sometimes easily ignited so I have learned to hold off - in case I change my mind later *(saves time in cleaning the egg off my face). But if it really bothers you, I think it is best to at least try to express that, see where it goes and then decide how to continue. If I hold it in too long - I will explode! That's Me...

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