Sunday, October 3, 2010

DAY 416 Another New Adventure!

Hi Journal & Friends,

Mary at Wistful Nebulae asked a probing question recently: 
 "How about you?" What have you planned to keep your dreams alive?"

At the time, the minute I read it, I knew there was something for me there... and I KNEW what had been bugging me for weeks now.

Since all this hassle about my husband's job situation, I've been up to my eyeballs in paperwork, phone calls, research, meetings with lawyers, doctors appointments, etc etc etc. 

NO time for things that didn't have a deadline... like my art. I squeaked out a couple of small, fast projects... but nothing else, not what I really wanted to work on.

I almost typed "no time for frivolous things, like my art." But ya know what? That's not true. It is important to me, meaningful, something that comes from deep within. And when I am not actively engaged in it on a regular basis, I feel something is wrong... missing... colorless. And like I am wasting a gift that I was given.

SO! Guess what I did yesterday?? I went to an Art lecture by Stefan Baumann.  He has a PBS art show, The Grand View, and teaches workhops both here in Southern Oregon and in California. 

From Stefan's brochure:  Whether you paint, write, compose, or cook, would you like to do it with more passion and power, to take your creative skills to the next level?

I LOVED IT! Jim, who is a photographer in his free time, went with me and enjoyed it also.

Jim, talking with Stefan at the break... you can 
just make out the simple yellowish-brown of the 
underpainting on the demo canvas behind Jim's 
head that Stefan pre-prepared for the demonstration.

I haven't done anything like that in... 25 years, at least. I allowed obesity to rob me, to strip away from my life things that make it rich and colorful. I missed out on sooo much.

There is a vibrant, thriving and active community of artists in the valley where I live... yet I have not interacted with them hardly at all. 

I was ashamed of how I looked, it's that simple. It affected my level of confidence, and didn't allow me to be comfortable around strangers. And eventually I became almost a shut-in, with limited mobility, not ABLE to go even if I wanted to.

I am reclaiming my life. Bit by bit, as I am able, I am determined to blossom. 

Just to "lose weight" is not enough... that is not a powerful enough goal, with enough deep meaning to give me the determination to gut it out when it's hard. 

To keep going during those times I would dearly love to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide.

To face the scarey stuff... my innermost feelings and fears... and to deal with raw LIFE without the buffer, the drugging effect of food.

For over a year now, Mary has encouraged people to go after the passion in their life. To plug in, to connect with others of like passion. I wasn't sure I even wanted that... or if I needed that. 

But today, in a room with about 50 other people who were just as excited about the subject as I was... I KNEW I wanted it. I felt like someone who had finally been let out of a dark prison, and was soaking in the sunshine. It was wonderful.

So you ask me why I want to lose this weight??

Because I want to LIVE this life, not just pass through it. 

Because I have been given a gift, and it only comes full circle when it is given away, and blesses others.

Because it is MY time. Finally. And I believe it with all my heart. 

Stefan is offering a 3 month long, once-a-week-class-with-homework Workshop, to a limited number of students. I dearly want to go! 

We did something daring... something radical... something desperate... we PRAYED for the money for me to go! Okay, I was being cute there... but honestly, we did ask God to help me find a way. And in the meantime, I am planning on it. I am soooooooooooooo excited, and look forward to it.

Wanna see some pics of the lecture and demo?? He is an oil painter, and even though I was near the back, it was still fun, and you can just make out the progression as he paints (click to enlarge).

He was almost done here, but his spotlight 
washed out the blue sky and misty clouds. 
He gave it away afterwards in the drawing...
I wouldn't have minded winning that won!  

Today's Peek at the Past (Yep... I was working on my Big Why back then, too.)

From Day 54, October 2, 2009:
Hmmmm....just last night I had been going over some notes from a past episode of the Biggest Loser. One contestant that I really liked, Filippe, said: "You never do anything with all your heart unless your WHY is big enough."

(For complete post "Challenge Those Thoughts & The Big Why " click HERE

Stefan's assistant in front of a gorgeous
waterfall with a rainbow. It's not a trick of 
the light that was shining on it... that 
painting really did almost glow on it's 
own! He loves to get that luminous 
effect in his paintings.

From Dr Phil's book: "Don't isolate yourself."

My verse for today: "...for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago."

My quote for today: "If you approach each new person you meet in a spirit of adventure, you will find yourself endlessly fascinated by the new channels of thought and experience and personality that you encounter." --Eleanor Roosevelt

Enjoying the Journey!



Shane G. said...

That is a great post Retta. I was never a shut in, but it does seem to me now (I didn't really acknowledge it at the time) I have limited my fun having even if I did go places, because I was pretty sure I couldn't climb that, move fast enough for that, get myself out of a tricky situation if it came up, and was going to be embarased if I couldn't fit in/over/through that. I am not only thinner now, but I have my teenage confidence back and will try just about anything now! Sound like you are right there too!

anne h said...

Yep, Mary is good people.
And you are good people.
Being ashamed of yourself, or how you look, etc.
That mindset only worked in the past.
We are now learning a better way!

The pounds came on "bite by bite."
And now they leave "bit by bit!"
[hehe! Hey - that's pretty good!]

Jules - Big Girl Bombshell said...

OMG Loretta YOU are singing my song today! That IS my whole intent of 2010. TO LIVE! TO no longer let my weight hold me back... My post today is about Baby Steps ..Only one first...YOU my dear..have taken that first baby step! AWESOME! PROUD of you!

Baby Stepping said...

Loretta, your post spoke to me today. I think so often we give up on our dreams because we feel we don't deserve them due to our weight issues. Yet we would be the first ones to encourage others to live their dream no matter what. That stinkin' thinkin' robs us. You've heard me refer to it as the Beast. Today we reclaim our power!!!

I'm so glad you had such a lovely day. The quilt retreat I went to last weekend did exactly the same thing for me.


cmoursler said...

yep. I don't think we start noticing what's missing till we wake up from the food coma though. I really hope you can go. I will add that to my prayer list.

JoAnn said...

How much do you need for the class Loretta? Maybe we can take up a little collection. I'm being serious here.

Anonymous said...

Gorgeous paintings, Loretta. I'm so glad you went and enjoyed yourself. You are facing all the scary stuff head on and I hope you're not finding it too scary, after all. Good for you!

Anonymous said...

How wonderful! lOretta, I loved this post! What a wonderful experience! Yes. I'll be praying for you to go to that class!!!!

I did a post a while back in which I asked myself why I was on this journey--my conclusion was the same as this post. The promise of weighing less was not enough--or I would already have kept off the weight I'd lost dozens of times.

It's the other tings that result from weight-loss that are my goal--and those things we have to GRAB.

I know the feeling you had during that lecture. I have had that feeling when I'm in the right group. It's like an "Aha!" moment that tells me that part of my problem is not entirely me--it's that I'm denying who I am and the environment I thrive in. (Sadly, it's not an environment that my husband or my church finds valuable. That is probably fodder for a post on my own blog!)

I had been meaning to ask you a couple of times, then lost track, about Oregon's artist's community. I thought that I had heard there was a significant one and wondered why you hadn't spoken of it. I'm glad you're no longer going to deny yourself that environment! How fortunate that your husband is a little artsy himself!


Anonymous said...

Loretta, I was just looking at your art work...Fantastic!!! You are so talented.

Rettakat said...

JO ANN: {{{HUGS}}}! What a sweet and generous thought.

But to be very very clear: no way on earth would I EVER take advantage of my friendships here to get money out of you guys...ain't gonna happen, ever ever!!

I am so touched that you would even think of that, but that just isn't my style. I treasure trust and integrity, and feel it would totally violate that if I ever used my contacts here for monetary gain, whatever the purpose.

I hesitated mentioning the money part of it in this post, because I didn't want anyone to think I was "hinting". I was just trying to keep it honest, and those workshops aren't cheap! But if I am to go, it will work out.

You are a gem for offering, really!


Destiny 150 said...

You hit the nail on the head, on so many levels. Weight IS insulating, not just from the cold but from society as well. I'm glad you are out in the world :-D

As for the why... yes, it's all about life and living, not just existing.

Keep it up, you're great.

MargieAnne said...

I love that you are finding your way out into the 'world' again.

Even though my weight hasn't been too much of a handicap there are many things I've not done because it was awkward or I was too embarrassed. I guess swimming is the main one. I really am embarrassed by my body in a swimsuit. Hopefully this summer I will feel more confident.

It would be wonderful for you to go to those classes.

Patsy said...

Glad you had a great time! Now you're LIVING! :o)

Shelli Belly said...

Oh, the Places You'll Go! I can never miss a Dr. Seuss moment.

I'm so glad you had a great time.


Miz said...

I adore how you are a true renaissance woman.

M Pax said...

I missed this. Sorry I did. Yay for you! I'm still having internet issues. The netbook took me here by accident, but I'm glad.

I'm happy to see you doing and reaching. yay!

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