DAY 257 The End of the Chapter

Hi there, Journal & Friends,

So much drama... I'm ready for some good old-fashioned BORING days. Quiet days, restful days, without unpleasant surprises for awhile.

This whole medical drama has stirred up a lot for me...the ways I have been treated over the years by medical personnel... avoiding getting exams because of size... not being able to fit into the exam gown... issues being written off as the result of obesity, when it was later confirmed NOT to be weight related.  On the list goes. Obesity is cruel... it invades every area of our life, especially our health.

Since I was told there might be a possibility of not coming home, but being admitted for surgery when I went for that cat scan on Monday, I decided that on the way to the hospital, I had a "captive audience." I am "not a good surgical candidate", and that's why I haven't had knee replacement surgery yet. Only for a life or death situation would they risk surgery on me.

My husband is the "typical" man...not one to wallow in emotions. He didn't want to have "that" talk. But he had no choice, and finally listened. I didn't want there to be anything left unsaid between us, just because he thought it was not a good sign of "faith" to be talking about this. I assured him I WAS planning on coming home again.  But come on, I'm not God, and no I'm not PLANNING on dying, but I can't see the future. 

So... I told him how much he meant to me... and we talked about family, and what to do with some special things, and who to call and email, etc.

Then, I told him I wanted for him to keep getting in shape again, and when he was ready, emotionally, to remarry. Of course, now he is protesting... but I told him I loved him and that nothing could make me happier than knowing he wouldn't be alone and lonely.

When life's pressures squeeze us, what is inside gets squeezed out. We get to see what we are really made of.. what we really believe. That's a good thing.

I saw Jim be strong and dependable, an absolute rock to lean on.

I felt the loving presence of my God, bringing calm and encouragement.

I was overwhelmed by all the kind things my bloggyland friends said to me.

And was so grateful that many of you even prayed for me.

I was reminded what was really important, and what wasn't. And how fast it can all be taken away.

I discovered one big thing: I'm not ready to go. 


Oh, I don't mean it's not settled between me and God. That's gold. But I mean I REALLY had plans that were not just dreams and wishes, but they were solid and real to me, and I WANTED TO LIVE THEM STILL!!

It lit a fire under me to somehow find a way to make progress on this journey and LIVE along the way, too.

I'm thinking of my priorities... how I spend my time, which IS my life. I don't want to waste this gift of time.

Hopefully, it's the end of this chapter of my book called Loretta's Journey from 460 to 199.

I'm ready for a new chapter!

From Dr Phil's book: "What is true about you in your mind, you will live."

My verse for today: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"

My quote for today: "So long, and thanks for all the fish..." --Dolphins song, in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

DAY 256 Intergalactic Travel, Part 2

Hello Journal & Friends!

Today, we continue the Outer Space Saga... or the Punyville Sickness Drama, whichever you prefer. ;-)   Part 1 of this speech started on Day 255. 

Here we go... continuing with my speech at my IO meeting, Incurable Optimists.

Breaktime over... please take your seats again. Thanks.

Okay, where'd we leave off?? Oh yeah, I told you about my amazing trip to Outer Space. It's hard to come back to earth, but the story resumes now on Monday morning. I decided I was tired of not being listened to by busy medical office personnel, and was NOT going to call first, but was going in to the doctors office.

Having RUN a medical office, I know it's poor protocal to just show up. I also know if they are doing their job, they leave wiggle room for urgent care. I ALSO know most don't really listen on the phone half the time. I was fed up with not being able to breathe, and arguing over the phone with staff girls who don't know the difference between hypoxia and hypothermia.

I decided that I would be my own best advocate. I was planting my little behind right there, and either I would walk out with a prescription for oxygen, or they would let me see a doctor, who would do... whatever.  Yes, I was grumpy, tired, sick, and DETERMINED! Why of course I am not stubborn...moi??? I simply Politely and Persistently Persevere (The 3 P Principle).

Got there. Checked in. They hear me breathing hard, and have the brains to let the nurse take me back. I take Jim back with me, cuz if you think *I* am tough, you don't even wanna KNOW how aggressive he can get when necessary! Like I said...taking no prisoners today. 

This fat old lady wasn't being judged today, that was that. Been there, dun that, had them assume everything was just because I was too fat too many times. No patience for it anymore. Not going to allow myself to EVER be treated that way again. See? Already some benefits going on here.... yes, yes, my IO condition is surfacing again, sorry.

So, he actually was nice, for someone who didn't know me (my usual doctor was away). He really listened, actually READ my chart, and didn't give me the bums rush. Sent me for blood work, and said he'd let me know the results soon, make appointment for checkback Friday.

All good so far... except I missed his concern. He wouldn't prescribe oxygen until we got the blood work back.... and I missed the words about a possible pulmonary embolism. It wasn't until we returned home that the penny dropped in the slot!

About the time my sister, a retired nurse, was explaining to me the seriousness of it, the other line cut in, and I answered. It was the doctor himself, saying come back immediately, he scheduled an emergency CT-Angiogram in a couple of hours! 

I still didn't get it, and explained Jim just walked out the door to make the 30 minute drive to work (which was right across the street from the doctors office we had just come home from)... and I wondered if we could do it Friday, his day off. 

The doctor said we really need to do it NOW...it can be deadly. The embolism can dislodge, and travel to the brain or heart, and kill me.

Great. So I have to call Jim's work, and leave a message for him to turn around and come home again, and take me back... again. Poor guy, he was so sweet and supportive. A rock.

Got there. Checked in.. which at any hospital takes forever. But... I had a secret weapon in tow... JIM! He works at this hospital... knows everyone. He's the therapuetic cook. CT Bob, (yeah they really call him that) said he had to do a great job or Jim would poison him. Everywhere we went, as long as Jim was with me, they bent over backwards for me. I could get used to that!

Anyways... it was my first cat scan. First, they had to find a vein to inject the dye. Good luck, guys! They already stuck me 5 times that morning for the blood work. Thankfully, it only took 2 more sticks to inject the dye.

Now to be inspected by the Cat.  May I proudly say... I FIT!!! If this had happened when I was 460 pounds, I would not have fit in the machine. 

So, here we go. The blood work had confirmed a pulmonary embolism. Well, they looked and looked at the results from the cat scan... and could NOT find one!!! Happy dance and hallelujahs!! I dodged a bullet as well as Neo did in The Matrix. :-D

Bottomline, remember me mentioning the high doses of antibiotics they gave me last Wednesday for my infected finger?? Well.... yep... turns out I am DEATHLY allergic... to BOTH of them, Keflex and Septra. Mystery solved. 

I hadn't taken my Monday doses yet... and they had me stop them totally. By now, all the symptoms are gone or almost gone:

pounding headache, nausea, stomachache, dizzyness, in a fog and falling asleep, thick yellow mucous, chattering teeth at night and hot during day, extreme muscle weakness, blood in urine, and finally... hey, can't breathe!

I listed those so if any of you get prescribed stuff and react that way, don't let some just-hatched-from-an-egg chick play it down. Check into it pronto! Honestly, I intuitively knew I was being poisoned, I KNEW it, yet no one listened, and I submitted to "well, he's the doctor" instead. My regular doctor has known me for 20 years, and trusts my intuition. Being shuffled around to the fill-in doctors can be dangerous!!!!

So that's my story, fellow Incurable Optimists. And I learned alot through this whole experience.

 Since we are out of time for this meeting, at the next one I'll tell you about "that" conversation I had with my sweetheart on the drive to the hospital...not knowing if they would wisk me off to surgery and I would never come home again. I mean... they won't do knee replacement surgery yet because they say I am NOT a good surgical candidate.  So, not knowing the future, I had to accept that it might be my time. And so we talked... 

From Dr Phil's book: "Change your thinking to change your weight."

My verse for today: "You are my Father, my God, the Rock my Savior."

My quote for today: "With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverence, all things are attainable." --Thomas Foxwell Buxton

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

Day 255 Intergalactic Travel on a Budget

Hi there, Journal & Friends, 

I must admit this, and be honest before all my friends... I am a member of IO.  There, I said it.

Sometimes I am invited to be the guest speaker. So I wanted to share with you my last speech, given just yesterday. 

Here it is, word for word:

Hello, my name is Loretta, and I am an Incurable Optimist.  As fellow I.O.members, you know we just can't help ourselves from looking for that blessin' or lesson in each of life's circumstances. But, we cope one day at a time.

I had a recent experience that was both terrifying and exhilarating. 

This last Sunday, I was taking my shower and due to some current medical issues it was just too much exertion. I started gasping for breath, but just couldn't get enough air. I quickly sat on a stool, and called out to my husband, who was waiting nearby just in case. I am so thankful he was right there!!

I slumped onto him and he didn't let me fall, as I started seeing spots and winking in and out. Finally, I was gone. Out. Phhtt!  How long, I can't say. It seemed like a long time to me. This was the terrifying part.

Now for the exhilarating part.

I took a trip to Outer Space! Honestly, it was sooo vivid and real. I saw galaxies, nebulae, stellar clusters and constellations. Here are some examples that used to look stunning to me, before I visited it "in person" .

What I saw was gorgeous and stunning. Luminous! It felt sooo real! It pulsed and was alive and somehow I knew it was "good". It was sooo beautiful.

The favorite place I "visited" had an oval-ish shaped creamy whitish/pinky/peachy swirly mass, glowing and transluscent... pulsing in the center of black space, which itself was teeming with twinkling stars and bodies of all colors and sizes. I even "knew" there were twinkling black stars. 

I loved it, and longed to see more. I had no sense of time, I don't know how long I was there, though it seemed like a long time, and didn't want to leave... but drifted in and out of consciousness, finally coming back home, to find my dear husband holding me, praying for me.

Yes, not being able to get enough air and passing out was terrifying... but I'd almost (almost, I said) pay that price again if I could go back into Outer Space!

This experience is what caused me to present my little self bright and early Monday morning at the doctors office. Which unleashed another astounding (well, to me anyway) chain of events. Another roller coaster day was about to begin!! 

Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of this spine-chilling, hair-raising tale of adventure... or... for more self-indulgent blogging... ha ha ha ha 

PS: The story is true... my membership in IO is fiction.... Or is it??

From Dr Phil's book: That's your priority. You must hold yourself to a higher standard now. You cannot be wishy washy."

My verse for today: "I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations."

My quote for today: "The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead." --Robert Brault

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 254 The Cat Came Back!

Hi Journal & Friends,

Growing up, we went camping alot. In the evening, we'd gather around the campfire, and my sister would play the guitar, singing folk songs. Sometimes my Mom would play the Concertina or Harmonica. We'd roast marshmallows on old wire coat hangers... good memories. 

One song my sister, Karen, sang was called The Cat Came Back. It must've had a gazillion verses... I just couldn't fathom how she could remember all the words! There are so many versions, here is just one:

The Cat Came Back

Old Mr. Johnson had problems of his own.

He had a yellow cat that just wouldn't leave him alone.

He tried and he tried to give the cat away.

He gave it to a little man going far away...

But... the cat came back the very next day.

Yes, the cat came back. They thought he was gone,

But the cat came back. He just wouldn't stay away.

He gave it to a little boy with a dollar note.

He told the boy to take the cat up river on a boat.

The boat turned over and was never found,

And now they drag the river for the little boy who drowned...

But... the cat came back the very next day.

Yes, the cat came back. They thought he was gone,

But the cat came back. He just wouldn't stay away.

The man around the corner said he'd shoot the cat on sight.

He loaded up his shotgun full of nails and dynamite.

He waited... and he waited... 'till the cat came walking round

And ninety-nine pieces of the man was all they found...

But... the cat came back the very next day.

Yes, the cat came back. They thought he was gone,

But the cat came back. He just wouldn't stay away.

The H-bomb fell the very next day.

The A-bomb fell in the very same way.

Russia went! England went! And then the USA.

The entire human race was left without a chance to pray...

But... the cat came back the very next day.

Yes, the cat came back. They thought he was gone,

But the cat came back. He just wouldn't stay away.

Okay, I don't know why we found this so funny, but you had to be there, and hear the way my sister sang and played it.

Can you guess why I'm talking about this legendary cat?? 

Because NO MATTER WHAT, we--those Warriors who have decided to take back our health and our life, making and accepting no excuses--WILL ALWAYS COME BACK! We may get knocked down, stomped on by life, side-lined by illness or tragedy, hit with financial disasters, other huge life disappointments.... but we will always come back. We will succeed because we choose to!!

I dodged a bullet yesterday... I'll tell ya about it soon. But I'm back!!!

From Dr Phil's book: "Weight loss doesn't just happen; it happens one step at a time."

My verse for today: "Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you."

My quote for today: "Determination give you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you." --Denis Waitley

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 253 Picture Worth a Thousand Words

Hi Journal & Friends,

This is me...

And I feel like these brain slugs...

Not very hungry... know I should be eating some of this...

Or these...

But I really want this...

And especially this...

But... I didn't. I had some of this...

 

And snapped at MyGuy alot...

And this one's for Mary... mwa ha ha ha ha

From Dr Phil's book: "Evaluate each and every option in your life against the priorities of your goals."

My verse for today: "The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death."

My quote for today: "People who don't Think don't have Brains; rather, they have gray fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake." --Winnie the Pooh

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=