It's been a busy summer. Ups, downs and progress, albeit slow. Had another dental surgery, and healing up nicely. Only one more to go, yay!
I'm still enjoying my weekly Tai Chi class, and have gotten my little backyard therapy pool going for water aerobics about 5 times a week. Loving that!
I'm still involved with the support and accountability group called A Better Weigh, that I originally found through Sean Anderson, from The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser.
This is new to me, being accountable this way, and it goes against my independent tendency. But submitting to that kind of accountability and receiving and offering caring support in return has been tremendous. These "strangers" have turned out to be kind and caring people on the same journey to health as I am. Very powerful!
For those who don’t know me well: I live in a powerchair. All waking hours. My overall goal is to regain health, strength and mobility. To walk again. I have a muscle/joint/connective tissue thing with blown knees, and the added weight makes walking impossible. So, weight loss is a prerequisite for walking again. I started at 460, and am now at 325. I NEED to continue. I still have dreams and goals, and need mobility to realize them.
Yesterday another Gift arrived, all wrapped up in a painful experience. My powerchair broke down. My Sweetie couldn't fix it this time, and it will take months navigating the Medicare/insurance "system" to get another one. When I ask the people I'm dealing with to get a new one what I'm supposed to do in the meantime, they just shrug. Sorry, that's the system.
Anyway, this loss of my ONLY way to get around, my powerchair breaking down, was devastating. And this morning I realized it was a Gift.
The Gift is a stark, clear look at what my future WILL absolutely be, if I fail at obtaining Recovery from food addiction. It felt like I time traveled to my future. I mean, intellectually, I knew this. But… now I’ve experienced it. It was not only physically painful, but terrifying. Waiting for help to get a drink of water. Waiting for help to get into the bathroom. Waiting for help to get to the computer... etc etc etc. It is not living, just existing.
So I accept and embrace this gift of motivation. This gift of seeing crystal clear what my future could be - both ways, good and bad. And the powerful KNOWING that I can choose which direction I go. I guess that’s the real Gift: knowing and BELIEVING that I can choose my future by my choices, by what I DO. I'm very grateful for this Gift. I'm now sure it's an answer to prayer.
My book quote for today: "...the person who forgets the ultimate is a slave to the immediate." --John C Maxwell, How Successful People Think
My verse for today: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
My quote for today: "...eating disorders tend to have in common the relentless attempt to control how we feel... the point is we often engage in potentially compulsive or addictive behaviors in a misguided attempt to 'manage' unpleasant feelings."
Edited 8/27 to add: All phone calls fell on deaf/uncaring ears. UNTIL we found a repairman who let me use his loaner powerchair without charge. And it "just happened" to be large enough to accommodate me (we previously have checked into renting one, and no one around here had one that was rated over 250 lbs). He will work mine into his repair schedule, and though I must pay out of pocket, he has a reconditioned part he can use (saving me several hundred dollars), and assures me it will last the several months it will take to get a new powerchair. Yay! Another answer to prayers. Feeling grateful today.