Sunday, November 8, 2015

Nov 8th Crawling Forward

My last post had this quote from Dean Karnazes:

"Run when you can, 
walk if you have to,
 crawl if you must, 
just never give up."

Since that post I've been so sick and so discouraged, that I seriously considered "What the heck?! Why try... just accept that this is the way it is, and get on with the rest of your life."

Well, I'm finally NOT sick, and a couple of days ago I read something by Tommy Newberry that jerked me up short and made me realize that I had a serious case of Stinkin Thinkin.

Tommy Newberry is doing a 40 day "joy challenge", and I've been reading some of his posts on Facebook (link HERE). And yep, if my thoughts these last few months were to be given a grade, I'd most assuredly deserve an F!!

Here are some of the things he wrote that I found so encouraging, and helped me face my need to change my thoughts:

-The words you use today will create the world you'll experience tomorrow.

-Life will always have shortcomings but when you focus on your blessings life will feel abundant.

-In order to live a joy-filled life start thinking about what you want, not what you don't want.

-There is no need to cling to thoughts that haven't produced joyful fruit in your life.

There were many more, but that last one really stopped me in my tracks. 

See, the reason I've been so sick is because the medical specialist I saw back in August did an office procedure on my foot, and he was not careful enough, and cut me. Three days later I realized I had a raging systemic infection! I am just now finally about 98% over it. I've been indulging in anger, resentment, pouting, and fussing over the "unfairness" of it. And where did that take me?? Nowhere except to Miserableville.

So... I'm over it. He was not careful, true. But he didn't do it on purpose. It was a mistake. And by me holding onto resentment is just making me worse.

I'm now trying to remind myself of this verse:

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  

I've been thinking a LOT about that first phrase, where it says to BE. Be joyful. If I can BE something, I must have some kind of choice in the matter. It kind of goes along with what Tommy Newberry has been saying in his 40 Day Joy Challenge.

I like what Tommy says here: "Joy is an outward sign of inward faith in the promises of God."

Well, methinks focusing on all these kinds of thoughts will make me a lot happier and peaceful than my grumping continually about "what that doctor did to me." 

"Each moment is a fresh start." --Tommy Newberry

Choosing joy,





Anonymous said...

Hmmm. To skip the entire point of your post.... The doctor accidentally cutting you and you getting a "raging systemic infection" are two entirely different "mistakes." A slip of the hand that results in a cut is one thing, but the infection that followed indicates...well, may indicate...something else. I've been cut lots of times. I cut my finger just the other day peeling potatoes. No infection, raging or otherwise.

How clean were those instruments? How thorough was the post-cut treatment? How much attention was paid to preventing infection?
A cut can be an accident. The subsequent infection? may be malpractice.

Likely, I'd shrug that off if the infection was resolved in a few days with some antibiotic, but MONTHS of illness? No.

I realize that a post doesn't give all of the details (especially since the post wasn't really about this medical incident) so there may be a legitimate, non malpractice--kind of explanation, but I'm shaking my head even as I write this.

I hope you're not letting something go that should be pursued. You don't want an MD running around using dirty instruments or neglecting proper care. You got terribly ill...for months; someone else could lose a foot.

Saying all of that, your post is right on. Funny thing, I said those same words to myself about just accepting my fat situation...after all, I'm nearly 64 years old, a grandmother, sin't this how grandmothers look, and now my thyroid gland is completely missing...and moving on. Just accept my limitations and make the best of it. Yeah, I totally get that.

I'm happy to hear about your fresh breeze of sanity and hope. :) Ain't no such wind blowing here.

As far as the MD negligence goes--if there is no reasonable explanation as to how a cut turned into a raging systemic infection, can you file a complaint with someone? Or something? It's not about revenge or punishment, it's about prevention going forward. Of course, you may have already done that. (Or something I don't know may make it inappropriate.)


Retta said...

Well, I didn't want to bore people with all the details, or gross em out with TMI. But since you asked... the "cause" of the systemic infection was his, but the "source" was mine. I had a resistant fungal infection in my big toe that was painful, that defied treatment for almost 2 years. I was finally referred to him to have most of the toenail removed. He was behind schedule, and rushing, and as he was using the "dremel" tool to smooth out jagged edges, he cut into my skin. He didn't say a word, just put antibiotic ointment on it, slapped on a bandaid, and that was that.

3 days later I had that resistant infection break out head to toe, wherever there was a nook/cranny/skin fold. And lets face it, a "fluffy lady" has LOTS of those places... ugh. It was inside, outside, and determined not to go away. It was even behind my knees, between my fingers and toes... and all the usual places!

Hundreds of dollars later (many many OTC lotions/potions and pills for inside and out, and several potent Rx's for inside and out) I am finally almost out of the woods.

I've had touches of skin rashes before, and my simple protocol always cleared it up in 2 or 3 days. Not this time. It was painful to the point of blistering and bleeding, interrupting sleep most nights. I was REALLY angry at him, for way too long for my own health. I finally see I MUST let it go, for my own sake.

I was focusing on the "injustice" of it all. And when my insurance refused to pay for the office surgery, you can only imagine how pissed off, indignant and self-righteous THAT made me! Almost funny... almost. :-}

So, yeah, it's been quite the experience. I was actually very grateful to have stumble upon that whole 40 day joy challenge topic. I was doing SO the opposite of everything he was teaching! And I don't think I even realized it. I was just wallowing in it, and not even seeing how low my depression had become.

Very thankful these days to be seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I know it was a gift, just plain old mercy and grace.
Hope you find it, too, Deb.

Robin said...

Dear Retta, It sounds like a very horrible and more than simply "character building" experience. I agree with Deb about it being in the interest of others to report this incident, maybe a "medical review board" in your state. It would not need to interfere with your very well-chosen path toward being joyful. One is a job; the other a quest. You can do both. In the meantime, I'm very glad you are physically, and now it seems, emotionally better. Bless your heart and Merry Christmas, with cyber hugs and love coming your way from me.

Retta said...

Thank you, Robin, I appreciate your words very much.

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