Hello Journal & Friends,
First, the official weigh in business: 333... again. That number is looking mighty familiar!
So... what do you do when you feel the Hounds of Discouragement hot on your trail, nipping at your heels??
All I can say, for myself is, choose to keep going. Quitting is not an option. It's more fun when I "feel" all excited and encouraged. But it's not a requirement.
I've looked at my sidebar under "The Monthly Shrink", and was tempted to rename it "The Bouncing Ball". It's demoralizing to see I am higher this August than August of last year. And embarrassing. But it's the truth.
There is nothing for me to do but keep going. I feel so close to figuring this out, and admit it's embarrassing to say that with no "proof", if you know what I mean.
For those of you that don't weigh in... I understand. But for me, I WANT the truth. The feedback. The data. For me the scale is a very useful tool, and I appreciate it. It's not a "number" that is affecting me. It's my own performance, or lack thereof. But if I hid from it, I could rapidly soar back up into the stratosphere and be in the 400's in the blink of an eye. I need the accountability and information from that tool.
This last month I spent countless hours learning to count the carbs accurately, learning to eat the right ratio of fat, protein and carbs. And now it's down to lowering the calories and yet keeping the right percentages of each. Portions, portions... Hmmm.... all too familiar. But I know it's key for me now.
I've had no exercise for over 3 months. Doctors orders. Soaring blood pressure. My new medication is starting to take effect, and that gives me hope that soon I'll get the okay to kick up my heels. It funny to hear ME say that I miss exercise! But I do. And I'm hopeful that will soon contribute to my progress.
I'm sorry this is not very cheerful... one of the things I always hope to do is encourage others. Yet I am in tears right now, and finding it hard. One thing I CAN honestly say is... always keep going. I know I am.
From Dr Phil's book: "You must have a new conversation with yourself that responds to negative messages truthfully and positively."
My verse for today: "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters."
My quote for today: "He who moves not forward, goes backward." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Enjoy the Journey,
Loretta
=^..^=
DAY 715
14 comments:
The disappointment and discouragement you feel now is a place I've been too many times before. And this is why I believe in freedom, which I wrote about several months ago: http://ohfreedom.blogspot.com/2011/05/telling-it-all-about-believing-in.html
Because I just don't think *I* can do it. Grieve for a day, but then be encouraged, Loretta. The Lord Himself is interceding on your behalf. I'm going to pray for you today, as well.
Hi Loretta - Your post could have come from my mouth today - in fact, mine sounds similar, right down to embarrassment. For me the embarrassment is about having to again confess that I'm languishing (in a bad way) at the same too high weight I don't want to be, yet somehow thinking that by not gaining, I'm doing okay. How crazy is that?
Hang in there. You're right - we just keep at it and stay a step ahead of those hounds.
Yes, you just have to keep going. I know for myself when I find myself falling in a bit of a hole and eating more than I should or the wrong foods I have to really talk to myself each and every time I make the decision to put something in my mouth. I ask myself the question "am I doing the best thing for my health with this choice?". I think far to often it's easy to justify and deny my food choices but when I think "is this good for me" then I can always answer with a clear yes or no. Hang in there Loretta you can and will do this just keep being honest with yourself.
As far as being an encouragement to people--> This post would fit the bill.
No, it's not chirpy--but the Bible says that singing a happy song to someone in mourning is like a curse to them.
The singer may feel good about themselves singing that song, but the receiver is driven lower and towards despair.
Rejoicing is a good thing. But truth is essential. People who are struggling read this and took away several things that gave them courange.
They saw that they are not alone in their struggles and the kinds of feelings thay have about them.
They were given permission to not only feel them--but to move on and conquer despite those feelings, that even tho they had disappointed themselves--it was still okay for them to succeed.
What could be more encouraging than that?!
And they were given an example of great courage as you stated the fact of your weight loss performance--even though you were embarrassed and knew that you could be giving people with mean spirits and little minds ammunition to use against you.
I love seeing courage and integrity in action. And hope. Which results in determination and, ultimately, success.
You watch--the fruit of your hard work last month is going to pay off BIG this month! Remodeling alwasys looks like a disaster right before it looks like improvement.
I hear a fierce determination to be victorious--now.
We be cruisin.
Deb
The scale is definitely a valuable tool, but sometimes it helps to measure success in other ways. What healthy habits do you have now that you didn't have a year ago? Are you physically able to do things now you couldn't do then? Have you made any progress on the mental/emotional part of the journey?
You may roll your eyes when you read this part, but I still have to say it: You haven't lost anything in the past year, but you also haven't gained any. What would pre-blog Loretta weigh today? You're much better off at 333 than at 388 and at 460.
Let's give plateaus the finger and keep making healthy decisions every day. :)
P.S. - I find the person who struggles and keeps fighting far more motivating than the person who easily loses weight.
We've all been there. And NOT giving up is key. Absolutely key.
Think of it not as one day at a time, but one MEAL at a time. If you have to , take pics of everything you prepare and eat. Everything. If you know you have to be bloggily accountable, it might stay your hand-to-mouth. :)
Weigh weekly, not monthly. Or every 3 days. Knowing you'll have to post a number may keep you on track. I know when I weighed in longer intervals, it just meant I gave myself an excuse in the early days/weeks to eat, then tried to drag myself into self-control in the week/days before weigh-in.
Be accountable in SHORTER increments and even more than once a day. Consider blogging THREE times a day--each meal. Really. It's a pain, but it may be the start of a new way of seeing it. A meal at a time, a day at a time, a week at a time. Not a month accountability. A day's accountability.
It could kickstart a whole new momentum. Think about it.
Hugs...someone who believes you CAN CAN CAN...
First of all {{{{{{{{{Loretta}}}}}}}}. I know all too well the feeling that you are describing. Yes, you need to keep going because recovery is just around the corner. When you conquer this beast, those reading your blog need to know that you, too, struggled. The happy posts are nice, but most people fail because they don't know what to do when the going gets rough. Reading your account of everything you've experienced will be far more motivating than a blog that is full of happy shiney posts, but that may not be honest.
You WILL get past this. If I can do it, YOU can do it.
Hugs,
Mary
Thank you so much everyone, for your wonderful words. I really appreciate it. I've read and re-read your comments, and they have been very encouraging to me. :-)
Onward and forward.
Onward and forward...you are so positive Loretta. Sorry you were feeling so down that you were having a cry.
Hugs! And don't forget we are members of the "I'll Never Quit" Club!
Even more hugs!
Here is a link to some chair yoga. Hope you can try it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXLy5dEvSVg
Thank you, Kimberley! I did both parts 1 and 2, and really enjoyed it. Then I got curious, and searched for chair tai chi. Whoa! Hundreds on you tube! I think I'll do a different one each day for awhile. Thanks for that link. :-)
Oh Loretta you are so close to a major corner-turning here, I just know it. It has been a long time coming, but it feels real this time. You are doing the hard work and remaining accountable. No short cuts.
You will get something out of this and it will be bigger than just a few pounds lost. You will end up with real knowledge and insight that can help you out much more in the long run.
Even I who lost weight relatively easily and didn't have that much to lose in the scheme of things, had a start that involved staring at that same number on the scale for quite a long time before it actually dropped. Then when I got to cruising altitude things changed so rapidly I almost could not believe it. When the message and the knowledge finally gets through and gets all connected up you are going to soar like nobody's business!
Well there's a victory - I miss exercise.
The important thing is that you keep going and keep plugging at it.
Numbers bounce. Keep the attitude and determination on full throttle. :)
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