FEB 14 My Hero

Hi Journal & Friends,


Feeling better today... my Sweetie surprised me last night by giving me the perfect gift to make me smile... and this was AFTER the heart-shaped balloons and one beautiful red rose. :-)

 I had been trying to squeak out money to buy canvases, and had settled on much smaller sizes than I really wanted. They are humongously expensive! The size I really wanted cost about $37 each, and I needed three for a triptych.  Ouch.


But when he saw what I was settling for, he handed me some cash he had squirreled away, and told me to buy the BIG puppies! That was so sweet of him, since he had been saving up to buy something for himself.


He knew I had been discouraged, and this really touched me that he would do this for me. My hero.


Happy Valentines Day, all!

Loretta
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FEB 13 Feelin' Sad

Hello Journal & Friends,

I was talking to my sister, Karen, Saturday, and heard myself talking about someone ELSE who was "playing ostrich". You know... sticking their head in the sand, avoiding facing a thing. 

Uh oh. 

Later, I realized I had been doing the same thing. I had been avoiding some very deep feelings of sadness.  As if by avoiding them, they would eventually fade away. Yeah... right. How's that workin' for ya??!! It's not, for the last couple of weeks.

So... I'm sitting here, finally feeling it. And it stinks. But it's better than soothing it with food. 

And I think it's legit, this feeling... I don't feel guilty or anything. I guess I thought if I gave in to "feeling it", I might get stuck there and wallow, once again, in self-pity. So my brilliant plan to avoid THAT was to not feel the sadness. Duh! Yet it's still there, just under the surface, putting pressure on me to soothe it. Aaagghhh!!!!

Why sad?? Because I thought missing out on life was behind me.

That I had made all this progress, and I was back participating in life again. Yet there were TWO events recently I missed out on, due to lack of mobility... which is due in large part to my size.

And it hurts... very much.

One was an important family get-together, and due to where it was held I couldn't go (it was not wheelchair accessible). The other was an all-day workshop and seminar for Christian artists that I was invited to attend. Again, due the length of it and other details... I had to decline. And believe me, I am usually a "can do" thinker. I spent DAYS trying to figure out a way. But reality caught up with me, and I had to admit it was just too soon... I didn't yet have the strength and mobility to do what was needed for this hands-on workshop.

And I am sad and in tears... I guess I thought missing out was behind me, and I wasn't emotionally prepared to accept it again. 

We don't get our way in life all the time, do we? That's life. It is what it is... and whatever other cliche's you want to stick in at this point. :-}

All I can do is continue... to get stronger, to get more mobile, and tell myself that NEXT time I won't miss out. But honestly, that doesn't lessen the sting. Just being honest here.

This feeling-our-feelings thing, instead of numbing them with food... no one ever said it was easy. But it's what I've gotta do. It's normal... a part of life. And I can't avoid it and play ostrich. I want to learn to promptly face my stuff, not stuff my face. Process it, and move on. Always moving on. 

From Dr Phil's book: "Heal your feelings so that your eating behavior is no longer fueled by harmful emotions."

My verse for today: "I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul."

My quote for today: "Getting out of shape is like a thief in the night that sneaks up on you. I always tell people that it is never too late. I tell them about the folks in their 90's that doubled their strength and endurance." --Jack LaLanne

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 548

FEB 11 Friday Fav & What Day Is It??

Good evening Journal & Friends,

I woke up this morning with a horrible backache, thought it was Saturday, and was ready to decorate my house for a full-blown Pity Party!!

Jim was off work today, took pity on me (oh poor me, I got some pity, woo hoo boo) and gave me a back rub. Then I had Medicine (coffee). 

Then I remembered something about... what was that?? Oh yeah... gratitude. Ugh. Okay, I'll try...

I grumbled: "I'm thankful for the back rub... for pain pills... for coffee... for a light schedule today... for God's patience towards me..." 

Then I remembered something else... I had read just yesterday about this lady that says she gets up each day and chooses to be happy. That's how she begins her day. Oh yeah, life can then come along later with a boatload of doo doo, and rain on her parade (ewww, how's that for mixing metaphors!).

But the point is... she at least starts OFF choosing to be happy. That nudged my attitude a teensy bit in the right direction.

Then I opened my email. And read my latest feed from No More Bacon. Today he put together an interesting list of links he called "19 Awesome Things I Found on the Information Super Highway".

My favorite was the link to Nerd Fitness,  who shared this video. Totally worth it. I NEEDED to see this today. A good kick in the pants!

I've cancelled my Party plans.

From Dr Phil's book: "Impulse moments are critical for you to manage... you need a real strategy worked out in advance."

My verse for today: "Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me."

My quote for today: "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure, and separates the victim from reality." --John W Gardner, 1912 - 2002

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 546

FEB 10 Clap! Clap! Clap!

Good Evening Journal & Friends,

Holy cannoli! I watched a video from Sean at Daily Diary of a Winning Loser, and threw out my post that I just wrote. Instead, if you want to be inspired... motivated... encouraged... do yourself a favor and go watch his video, here! Go, Sean, go!

I've been reading Sean from shortly after his beginning, and went back to catch up on the posts I missed. He was one of the first bloggers to leave me a comment, and he made me feel welcomed, and encouraged me to DO this. 

That was back when he was a Little Shot... now he is a Big Shot, and there is no way he can keep up with all his followers. But I highly appreciate his support back in my beginner days. It meant a lot to me, to see someone DO it, paving the way and being an inspiration.

He's been working on a book, and I can't wait to support him by buying a copy. No... I don't buy "diet" books any more. But this one feels like it's the story of change from a friend. Even though some might not think I agree with his philosophy about food (since I do low carb), I actually DO, in my own way.

Sean had food issues. At 505 pounds, well, duh! How well could I relate. So, he started out by making peace with food. He ate whatever he wanted, just not ALL of it.  He had a calorie budget, and simply stuck to his budget. 

And over time, he naturally made better and better nutritional choices. He took a lot of flack in the beginning from the "cleaner eater" crowd. They didn't understand why he took that approach. I did. I started at 460... boy, did I ever understand!

And he was honest with himself along the way. Because he realized that, bottomline, it wasn't really all about the food.

I totally agree with his approach! I just can't do "sugar". We don't all have the same physiology. But I still use basically the same approach, only within the guidelines of No Sugar (and stuff that turns to sugar quickly in the body, like starches). And once you learn how to shop, cook, and bake without sugar, there are tons of choices. So over time, I've gradually made better nutritional choices, though I still have a long ways to go in that department, that's for sure. 

But I would highly recommend his simple approach. If you haven't found your own "path", then check Sean out. Go back, and read from the beginning. It's chock full of inspiration and epiphanies along the way. Oh, did I mention he's gone from 505 to about 230 pounds??

I promise you, you won't be disappointed!

PS: Invite you to join the discussion in the Comments, where we talk in a little more detail about Sean's approach, and how I personalized it.

From Dr Phil's book: "You will want to resist things that are new and that you don't understand... you can overcome this by consciously taking on the attitude of a willing spirit."

My verse for today: "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music."

My quote for today: "For the person that is really progressing and they read up a lot and they have a lot of energy and discipline, they don't need a trainer. It depends on the individual. I don't need a trainer--I am my own trainer." --Jack LaLanne

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 545

FEB 8 Marinated Brains

Good Evening Journal & Friends,

I looove my George Foreman grill. 

And one of my favorite concoctions is to throw a bunch of sliced fresh veggies into a baggie, add some wet smooshie stuff (like Italian salad dressing), and let it marinate while I do other stuff. Later, I grill those babies for a few minutes, and Wowzer! It's great. And it was the marinating process that made the change in flavor.

So last week, when Dayne at Coach Your Mind, used the idea of marinating our brains... it caught my imagination. 

Coach Dayne talked about the value of soaking our brains as we go to sleep. Marinating them in good thoughts, if you will. The concept stems from the truth that:

What we think ultimately 

creates who we become!

He explains how he learned the importance of going to sleep thinking healthy thoughts. And how our unconscious mind takes over during sleep, and the importance of what we tell it right before we fall asleep. (Highly recommend the whole post, HERE) 

So, I decided to create my own version of a night time mantra in which to marinate my brain. I tell this one to myself right as I go to sleep:

 

What I believe, think, say and do
creates my future. 

Why that one? First off, I wasn't sure it would really do anything! But I was surprised to discover that often when I woke up in the morning, I remembered it.

Second, I made up my own because it had to be something from within ME, something I wouldn't resist, that I could totally embrace. And I put the words in that specific order, on purpose. 

I wanted my first word to be BELIEVE. For me, it had to be the foundation upon which all the other stuff was built. Oh.. I've done the "name it and claim it" stuff... the "fake it til you make it" stuff. There is a time for that. You can't just sit around introspective and do nothing until you Get It. You've got to take action.

But I put BELIEVE first because I wanted everything after that to be powerful... to come from a place of knowing, of being. From knowing deep in my heart, it's true. Not hoping, wishing, or trying. See the difference?

Example: 

A guy is an expert high-wire walker. World famous. So, he strings his tightrope across Niagra Falls, ready to perform his amazing act.

He turns to you, in the audience, and asks: Do you believe I can do this?? 

Yes, you reply, with an encouraging smile, all ready to be entertained. 

Okay then, he answers... climb onto my back!

Ahhh... now you find out if you really BELIEVE he can do it, or if you just HOPE he can do it.

So, that's what I've been mulling over for a few days. What do I REALLY believe? 

That I will be successful losing this weight... yes. Totally. 

How long will it take me? I honestly can't answer that. I'd love to say in X number of months. But that would be "saying" it, not believing it. Eventually, I'm sure I'll be to that point of setting a goal from the Believing place... but right now, so far, I simply know I WILL get there. :-) 

Links: 

-Ten Ways to Use Your George Foreman Grill 

-Grilled Vegetable Panini

-George Foreman Grilled Vegetables

From Dr Phil's book: "Successful people do what unsuccessful people won't... you don't have to like them; you just have to do them."

My verse for today: "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped."

My quote for today: "So many people say, 'I'd like to do this, I'd like to do that.' The mind should control the body. When you move your fingers, when you move your toes, that's done by the mind." --Jack LaLanne

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 543

FEB 7 Thanks & Catching Up

Good Afternoon Journal & Friends,

Having MyGuy sick and off work all last week caused some serious consequences: it cut into my blog reading/writing time!

Which reminds me of a cartoon Darla  posted that tickled my funny bone.

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't been around too much last week, and haven't been too supportive of ya'll. I truly appreciate your comments, and wanted to say thank you so very much! 

I'm all over my "mad", and appreciate all your ideas, comments, suggestions and support. And MargieAnne was right: it was not worth the energy getting angry. :-)

From Dr Phil's book: "There is strength and power in support."

My verse for today: "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."

My quote for today: "Many people have arthritis and rheumatism; they get bum knees, a bum back. A lot of guys get a little pain in the toe or knee and then they won't exercise. Well gee, you have 640 muscles in your body. There may be a few exercises you can't do, but there are hundreds you can do!" --Jack LaLanne

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 542