JAN 15 The Big Six Oh

Hi Journal & Friends,

So... it's my Day of Birth. 

I am better (well, other than mindlessy eating all those salted almonds Friday night, and just finally losing track and giving up trying to count calories!!). I've done a lot of soul searching, and listened for the answers to my cry for HELP.

I received the same type of message from 9 different sources! Sheesh... you'd think I was hard-headed or sumpthin! Who, me??

In summary:

-Change my paradigm, how I look at it, my personal truth.  

-Let go of the past. I've learned from it, now it's time to let go of regrets, and look forward.

-Accept what is, what I can't change. But also know that every good choice equals Making It Better... a better future.

-Act, don't react. As part of that, I am no longer putting the DAY number of this journey at the top of my blog. It will now go at the bottom of the post, just for my reference, but not blaring in my face the first thing. I feel better about that now... it is a gift to myself.

-Forgive myself. For real this time. Completely, lovingly, with compassion and understanding. Just like I'd give to someone else who needed it. 

-Remember... remember my dream.

A few days before I gave up sugar and flour in March of 2009, I had a vivid dream. When I woke up, I not only remembered it, I knew what it meant, no doubts. 

In this dream I felt that God was encouraging me that it was not too late for me to change. When I asked "to change what?" I immediately knew that it was not too late to change my thinking. 

That Strength and encouragement were being offered. That I was to choose strength "in spite of". That the double portion of joy offered was mine to choose, to give me strength.

That from now on opposition was an opportunity to get stronger and more determined to succeed.

I suppose over time, I've tended to forget the dream. But it's come back to me, and I'm thankful. You wouldn't think I'd forget something that remarkable to me, would you?! Sigh....

So, that's my choice. To believe the old voices in my head... or to believe the dream. The NEW paradigm that says I Can Do Hard Things (I saw that on Chris's blog, and really like it!).

I choose to look forward, to let go of the past and the "what might have beens".

This has not come easy... it's been a wrestle, a breaking. But I finally feel some peace now.

I watched Star Trek, The Undiscovered Country last night, and realized for the first time where they got the title from for the movie. A character in the movie referred to the FUTURE as The Undiscovered Country. And at the end of the movie, when they were deciding what to do and Chekhov asked Captain Kirk what their heading was... Captain Kirk answered: 

"Second star to the right... and straight on til morning."

And they were off to another grand adventure. That is what I am choosing. To look forward, not back. To look for my grand adventure. I don't know just what that means yet... 

From Dr Phil's book: "What is true about you in your mind, you will live."

My verse for today: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

My quote for today: "The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating." --John Schaar

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 520

DAY 518 Working Stuff Out

Hi Journal & Friends,

Late getting this written... back from another doctors' appointment, where I got the go ahead for more minor surgery on my hands... right one this time... next Thursday. Yippee, more fun.  But the good news is, he said of the 12 cysts on my hands, most of them probably will NOT need surgery. Scar tissue from being infected and cut open to drain will sometimes destroy the cyst capsule, and it can't get infected any more. Therefore, no need to bother with it. Yay to that!

In other news... been having a hard couple of days. Painful, emotionally speaking. Don't really feel up to explaining it all... I'm still working it out. 

Bottomline, when I faced--REALLY faced--how I felt about turning 60 on Saturday... I was crushed that I was STILL fat... that I am still not there. It's a long story... but this has gutted me. 

I'm finally past the insane screaming in my head to run away and stuff my face... I didn't, but I wanted to soooooooooooooooo badly. 

Instead, I finally decided that I might as well face it. I knew "something" has been bugging me,  but I didn't want to explore it. 

But... it wasn't going away... come on, Loretta, it's not going to kill you to face it... you've been running from emotional pain all your life and where has THAT got you... just sit with it awhile... you'll survive... go ahead and feel it... cry... listen... cry some more... listen to all the thoughts... you don't have to agree with them... you don't have to "adopt" them as your truth... be honest and admit which of them are ALREADY your personal truth and are the culprits as to why you are reeling over this... you've asked God for help... now listen and watch for an answer... cry some more... listen some more...

And whaddaya know... it took awhile, but I actually, eventually, got some answers, some insights. And it didn't kill me to NOT comfort myself with food. I'll talk more tomorrow when I don't feel so exhausted over this. 

Here is one of the things, a mini-movie, that helped to open my heart and thinking, to remember that what I believe as my own Personal Truth will shape my life, my world. 

And if I will just be open to letting go of the past and it's regrets, that there can be good to come... to be open to new possibilities. But I can't reach my hands FORWARD to take hold of my future when I am still reaching BACKWARDS, holding on to regrets and "what might have been". I want to Let It Go...

It's long... a whole 20 minutes out of my entire life...oh dear... ;-)

It was a powerful, beautiful and touching little mini-movie, that brought my racing mind back to a place of calm, and helped me tell myself NO, I will not go eat... just sit here and watch, there is something for you in here... look for it.

And there it was.

Here is a quote from The Butterfly Circus 

that touched me deeply, seeing as how it found me at this low point:

"The greater the struggle, 

the more glorious the triumph."

If you need "help", I highly recommend taking 20 minutes out of your busy life, and click on this link, taking you to the mini-movie "The Butterfly Circus". You'll be glad you did, I promise you.

From Dr Phil's book: "This personal truth as it relates to your weight, and indeed to your entire life, is vitally important, because if you believe it, if it is real to you, then it is for you the precise reality you will live every day."

My verse for today: "You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry."

My quote for today: "Do all you can with what you have, in the time you have, in the place you are." --Nkosi Johnson, South African boy, died of AIDS (1989 - 2001)

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 516 A Flamboyant Toon Tuesday!

Hi there Journal & Friends,

Yesterday when I visited Sandy's blog at  Getting Fit and Loving It, I noticed the quote underneath her blog title:  

"To change one's life: start immediately, do it flamboyantly; no exceptions." 

--William James

I loved it! And was taken by the word Flamboyant. So, naturally, I looked it up in my trusty dictionary. Here is the part that tickled me:

- exuberance

- highly patterned or unusual style

- noticeable because of brightly colored

The origin of the word flamboyant is French,  meaning flaming, blazing.

So yesterday I had fun just playing with the word Flamboyant. I wanted to set no rules, no plan, no preparation. Just be exuberant, highly patterned... and FLAMBOYANT!

(can click to enlarge)

From Dr Phil's book: "It's not just the specific weight you want to attain, but also the feelings that you associate with it... what you really want is to feel better about yourself."

My verse for today: "I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord Most High."

My quote for today: "Color in a picture is like enthusiasm in life." --Vincent VanGogh

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 514 Day of Rest & Favorite Photos

Good Afternoon Journal & Friends,

Yesterday, right after I posted my Grumpy Schmumpy pontifications, I opened my email and discovered that MyGuy had sent me several photos he had taken. 

What perfect timing! They were adorable and made me smile... just what I needed. 

So I thought I'd share them here, in case anyone else needs a smile. :-)

(as always, can click any pics to enlarge)

Enjoy the Journey (easier on some days than others, yes?),

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 513 Grumpy Schmumpy... Just Do It

Hi. 

Today is one of Those Days. 

The kind of day where you just DO what you need to do, even though don't feel like it.

If you thought that chirpy Loretta never had Those Days, you'd be wrong. We all do. And we all also know it's what we choose to DO on Those Days that makes or breaks our journey.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that my "plan" for this year was to take one of the things on my Big Smart Alecky Checklist and feature it for a month, and work on being Consistent with it. See side bar for my 2011 Theme, Consistency. Riiiggghhhttt....

First up for Janurary was Sleep. Easy peasy, right??? You'd think... Except for me to get 8 hours of actual sleep, means keeping the ol' bod in the sack for about 9 hours. Problem is, after about 6 hours my low back starts waking me up. By the time I get up anytime after 6 hours I have a screaming backache that takes about an hour to unkink. Waa waa waa... boo hoo, poor me. Grump grump...

And before all you kind souls offer suggestions, believe me, I've.Tried.Them.All.  Including a new mattress. Bottomline: it goes back to still being too fat. Yeah, I said it. I still can't sleep on my side, and have to sleep on my back. It's frustrating, but there is it.  Yep, one more motivation to keep losing weight.

But in the meantime... Plan Schman.  The hunt for quality sleep is like the hunt for the mythical snipe...

So what's a grumpy, whining, tired Weight Loss Warrior to do???

Just do it.

Nothing else for it... just keep going. Doesn't MATTER if we feel like it or not. I GUARANTEE you that if you are a human being and not a Computer Bot reading this, you WILL have your share of Those Days. 

So set your intention now, before it happens. What intention?? 

That whenever Those Days pop up, you will not let them be "the boss of you". You will just keep a-going. Pout if you must... grumble and mutter if it helps. 

But then set your face like flint towards your goal. Don't take the easy way out... just DO IT ANYWAY. 

You will thank yourself later. I know I will.

From Dr Phil's book: "That's your priority. You must hold yourself to a higher standard now. You cannot be wishy washy."

My verse for today: "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him."

My quote for today: "Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity." --Louis Pasteur

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 511 Finding the Determination of a Cat

Hi Journal & Friends!

Included on my new Checklist is a daily leg stretching routine. Due to several reasons, my legs, at the hips and knees, don't straighten out all the way. I had a physical therapist tell me that with persistance, there is the possibility of getting them straighter. It's hard to walk when you are crinked over like a pretzel! So I am motivated... but I think I had doubts, and some of that old "what's the use" mentality.

So, I have included a daily stretching routine this year! My mini-goal is that at the end of 2011, I be looking back at the year, excited at how Limber I have become. :-)

Yesterday I was standing at the side of my bed and when I leaned over onto it to start my stretches... the bed made a muffled "Mmmmpht!"  And then, under the electric blanket, a lump moved. I pulled back the corner of the blanket, and a sleepy black and white face popped up!

Vevie (rhymes with Stevie) had decided she was chilly, and somehow managed to crawl up under the blankets. No wonder I hadn't seen her all afternoon... she had been snug as a bug in a rug!

Moral of story: where there is a will, there is a way (or as Les Brown says, Shoot for the moon and even if you miss, you'll land among the stars).

From Dr Phil's book: "Having specific, carefully mapped out, vividly envisioned goals is an absolute requirement for success."

My verse for today: "...let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."

My quote for today: "By God's grace, and my will..." --Mother Teresa

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 509 Seussian Toon Tuesday

Hi Journal & Friends,

Just dinking around on Toon Tuesday. :-)

(click to enlarge)

For more Toon Tuesday fun, you really should visit Anne at Carb Tripper.

From Dr Phil's book: "Don't just wake up every morning and react to what happens... Be proactive by setting goals and making plans for their attainment."

My verse for today: "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music."

My quote for today: "Between stimulus and response is our greatest power--the freedom to choose." --Stephen R Covey

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=