Saturday, April 30, 2011

APRIL 30th Workin' on the Tude, Part 1

Hi there Journal & Friends,

I'm working on my attitude, really I am. :-}

So... here are my Before n After Tudes:

Before: Whine whine whine... she just has so much energy, it's hard to keep her busy and out of trouble, cuz she's not totally potty trained yet.

After: I'm thankful she is about 75% potty trained, so I can let her run around a bit, under supervision. 

And cracking the patio door open an inch, 
with Vevie outside and Joey inside, kept Joey occupied 
for almost 5 whole minutes, trying to reach Vevie. :-D

I let Vevie in... and she instantly got tackled. But she 
likes Joey now, and keeps coming back for more.

Vevie is backed into the corner under my desk.

Can I come out now... is it gone??

Time for a new diversion... I stole Vevie's EggToy, 
and hid some of Joey's lunch kibble inside.

Hey... what's this??

Oh I see... hit it with my paw...

Aha! A treat!

Hey... that's MY toy, grumbled Vevie.

All empty... now what are we gonna do, huh? huh?

PS: Thanks for all the great ideas, suggestions and concerns. To answer a couple of the comments... walking your dog is a great idea, if you can walk. Wish I could. But right now I am still in the powerchair 90% of the day. I am working on building leg muscle as pain levels permit. I'm hoping that getting lighter will put less pressure on my knees, and hence less pain. I have no cushion left in there... it's bone on bone, crunching merrily along with each step! And yes, I checked into knee replacement surgery. I was told I was not a good surgical candidate, due to the weight, and they wouldn't do it. So... another reason to get it off, yes?

The Escapades of Joey.....

From Dr Phil's book: "Your thoughts powerfully program you."

My verse for today: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

My quote for today: "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." --Winston Churchill

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 624

Thursday, April 28, 2011

APRIL 28th When All Else Fails...Take Yer Own Advice!

Hi Journal & Friends,

I've been soooo frustrated!! Joey is so adorable... so innocent... so fully of energy... SO TIME CONSUMING!! 

Jim has wanted a dog for 20 years... and Joey has been good for him, for several reasons. The least of which, she has been a tremendous stress-reliever for him. She ADORES her Jim, and her whole body wags, not just her tail, when he comes home from work. 

She is ecstatic with joy to see him! And no matter how his day went, and how painful his feet are, she never fails to get him laughing. And that brings a smile to MY face.

So... what's with the frustration?? Well... like I said HE has wanted a dog for so long. And I'm happy for him... he deserves this

But... since he is at work all day, it seems that by default, I am on Puppy Patrol for 10 hours a day, 5 days per week. I guess I just didn't realize what I was getting into. The little time I had carved out for myself and my art is GONE. My regular routines are shot... exercise, chores... heck, there are days lately when I never make it to the shower, in fact! Ugh!

I've actually been in tears lately. I had felt like I was just on the verge of really finding myself...  of breaking out... of "emerging". And now I feel robbed. And guilty and selfish. And frustrated. Just being honest here.

So... like today's title says: When all else fails, why not take my own advice?!  

I've used this quote often, and have it tacked up in my studio:

"If you don't like it, change it.
If you can't change it, 
then change how you think about it!"

Last night, as I went to bed in tears, I realized that I was banging my head against a wall... and it was dumb. We had thought that Jim would be retiring early, this summer. Then it changed to this December. Now... it may be in a couple of years, depending on how his feet hold up. 

So, why would that upset me?? Because IT IS HIS DOG, not mine. HE was supposed to take care of her soon, not me. I was supposed to get my life back, not be a permanent puppy-sitter. I'm not angry... I'm sad. I feel a loss of something I treasured.

I love my alone time. I NEED my alone time. To think, to pray, to concentrate, to create, to paint.... I can't do any of that with constant interruptions, whether human or furry. And I no longer have the option of staying up, hoot owl style, since I have to get up early now.

So... I can't change circumstances. It is what it is. The only thing left is to change how I think about it. 

And that is what I am working on.

I read a blog last night (forget which) that asked "what makes you happy?" And I cried. Because instantly I knew why I was so UNhappy. I've lost the very things that makes me happy, that feed my soul, that make me feel whole, by losing my alone time.

And I started to turn to emotional eating, falling back into old habits. But guess what?? It just doesn't work any more. It changes nothing, except to make matters worse. What I need is to find a solution, not avoid the problem. I need my alone time again.

I'm not sure how to get it back... and am trying to re-invent it. Maybe it can happen differently... in a way I haven't tried before... not sure, just trying to be open to possibilities. 

Jim has worked hard on fencing the back yard, and is now building a special doggie door. He's sweet... he is trying to help, though he doesn't really understand my frustration... doesn't relate to it. But even so, it's a loving thing when a person tries to help even though they don't get it. :-}

Joey is a blessing... and a challenge. Jim smiles more now, and I see his old self coming back. He had been under such stress for too long at work. So I am thankful for our furry little bundle of energy, for his sake. 

And she is forcing me to stretch my thinking, and look for new ways to reach my goals, to do the things that light up my life...  

It was tempting to just shut down my blog, to give up on trying to keep up with it, since I was already so stressed over the time crunch. I'm sorry I haven't been very supportive of you all lately. I've had to cut back, and just do my best... and like Mizfit says, that will just have to be good enough. :-}

Cats in Hats on a See Saw Antique Postcard

From Dr Phil's book: "Change your thinking to change your weight."

My verse for today: "Be not far from me, O God; come quickly, O my God, to help me."

My quote for today: "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." 
--Thomas Edison

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 622

Saturday, April 23, 2011

April 23rd Donkeys, Puppies & Bunnies...Oh My!

Hello Journal & Friends,

Today I'm wearing my Donkey earrings. My sister, Karen, made them for me a couple of years ago. When she gave them to me, I asked her if she was trying to tell me something... she just laughed.

The reason for wearing them today: I've been stubborn, and it's time to stop. 

I keep saying I should get back to tracking calories... then peter out in a day or two. I stubbornly keep coming up with excuses... so no more. For now, it's just something I NEED to do, for my own accountability and success. Stop talking about it... and DO it.

(Notice how I snuck in a photo of Joey, hee hee hee??)

From Dr Phil's book: "For you to succeed, you have to translate this knowledge, awareness, and insight into action."

My verse for today: "Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep."

My quote for today: "Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along."  --Napoleon Hill

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 617

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

APRIL 19th Get With the Program!

Good morning Journal & Friends,

Time for me to get going again. It's just too tempting to allow legitimate stuff to morph into excuses. I guess that comes from so many years of being the Queen of Excuses. :-} 

It's too easy to fall back into old habits. I'd like to think I was past that... but no, I still struggle. I'm encouraged there have been no humongous binges as in the "old days"... but I've been lax with portions sizes too often. 

Joey decided it was time for me to get with the program!

So... here we go...

Lessons From A Puppy # 4

Find a way to make it happen. 

Make a way. 
Believe in a way. 
Insist on a way. 

It doesn't take money, special trainers, programs or products. 

It takes not accepting NO for an answer. 
Keep going, no matter what, til it happens.
Accept nothing less.

I first got started on this train of thought when Jim came home from the pet store with a "treat" for Joey. Here is Joey about a month ago, and the treat was bigger than she was:

Sometimes we think we need all these special things... like in our weight loss journey, we might fall for the excuse that we need expensive gym memberships, or special equipment, or fancy products or trainers or food programs. If you can afford it, hooray. But we don't NEED it. 

I've caught myself saying stuff like "well, sure, it's easy for HER (some famous tv person) cuz she can afford her own personal trainer and chef". But really, that's an excuse. I can make it happen, too. One way or another, I can do it, too. And it doesn't matter what others think. Do it whatever way is best for YOU.

Butterfly has her own opinion, but Joey doesn't care...

Joey doesn't need an expensive special chew. She cracks me up... She wants to play, so she finds a way. She invents games, and finds her own toys...which is why I've gotta watch her like a hawk.  :-D

Here are her current favorites: a paper towel tube, a straw, a plastic lid, and a purple massage ball from a broken massager. If she can't locate her "official" toys, she makes it happen... she will find a way, LOL!

Besides her stuffed giraffe, she does have one favorite store-bought toy: her brown chew bone. She LOVES that thing. Well, we gotta indulge a LITTLE, don't we??

Joey is right... I need to get going again. Time is precious... and I want to lose this weight, all the while creating a life worth living.

From Dr Phil's book: "This will happen because you make it happen. It will happen because you have made the decision to step up and do what it takes to have what you want."

My verse for today: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

My quote for today: "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." --Ben Williams

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 613

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Just Too Sad

Hi again,

Wow... no post for days, then two in one day. But I wanted to share why I just feel deflated, and don't even know when I'll post next. Oh, I'm sure I will... it's just I don't even feel like thinking about it right now. 

News... more heartbreaking news. As you know, only 5 weeks ago my Dad died. I felt like I was just getting my legs under me again. And now... more sadness. 

My dear nephew-in-law died last night, at home in his sleep. My niece and nephew-in-law are wonderful people, solid believers, with 3 daughters. He wasn't even 50 yet. I admire the man he was... solid, trustworthy, generous and kind. I feel like... it's just not fair...

He had a biopsy for his brain tumor just a few days ago... and we were all of the mindset of waiting for the results, and going from there... so this was an unexpected punch.

I sat out on my front porch this morning after I got the call... looking at the new growth, the buds, green leaves, little flowers. The cycle of life, like from that song in The Lion King. I feel so incredibly sad... again.

And yes, I wanted to eat... again. But I've been doing an experiment this week with my plan, and had made a promise to a friend to be accountable to her. That slowed me down during the day, giving me time to think instead of react. It's helping... with the eating, but not with the sadness. I did eat a little more than normal this evening... but even that has lost it's allure now.

In the grand scheme of things, this "diet" thing is so incredibly unimportant, in and of itself. It's only a means to an end, a way to get back what I've lost, so I can go on and focus on what's really important in life... what matters most. 

I don't want to spend any more time than necessary on this part of the journey...the mechanics of it. The process of weight removal... the regaining of health and strength. 

I don't need another hobby! I don't need to dabble around, and get all comfy being a "weight loss" blogger, allowing that to become my identity. I am NOT that. This is a temporary part of my life, a necessary thing I need to do in order to get PAST this hurdle, this hindrance, this weight. Yes, being careful in this area will most likely be with me for life... but it doesn't have to BE my life.

Life is short. I don't want to waste it on things that don't matter in the long run. In honor of this wonderful man, my nephew, I will stay on my plan. He had no choice that his life was cut short. I have a choice, as to whether or not I goof around and make stupid choices, which will shorten my life. 

I feel grateful for mercy... for the chance to make healthy choices. And a responsibility to make this time I've been given count, to live it in a way that matters.

"Lost time is never found again." 
--Benjamin Franklin

"Time is the coin of your life. 
It is the only coin you have, 
and only you can determine how it will be spent. 
Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." 
--Carl Sandburg

"Whether we like it or not, the clock keeps ticking 
so live fully, every single second of every single day. 
Learn the true joy of doing less and having more 
as you experience each day as priceless. 
Fill your life with as many precious moments and 
experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can."  
--Marcia Weder, excerpt from 
Dreams Are Whispers From the Soul

"My times are in your hands... " 
Psalms 31:15


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